[hkolln]

WOW...it's so sad that you have to go thru all that but I do know how you feel! Get everyone involved you can...CASA was our start to getting somewhere and then hiring our attorney was another step forward...it was like baby steps until finally they decided to make a decision. My thought was why do they have to decide? We were in it from 6 weeks into placement...we wanted her, we were family and they dragged their feet while she was bonding there! What a joke! Once it's all over you'll look back at all this and know you did the right thing. In the process we just go so frustrated at the entire system and how they could just not care. I'm so glad she's out of the system and our daughter now...but I was where you were a year or so ago and it wasn't FUN! It was very very frustrating.

Hang in there and know you are NOT alone...and lets hope the system looks at what is best for your nephew instead of what is best for the system!

[cantbuymeluv]

OK hang on..........................
For All relatives trying to get THEIR children out of the hands of CPS and foster parents (no offense to ANY truly caring foster parents that don't try to STEAL babies), you have to look up legislation and family codes. In CA the code 361.3 (a) states that a relative will have preference over another at the beginning of placement and when there is a necessary change in homes.................it goes on and is interpreted differently in ALL counties and IF there is a hidden agenda, is used very strategically against you!!! So ALWAYS persist and notify the county in the beginning, as I have but.......................the fight continues.

I filed for de facto and the hearing is set for November 7th, I may need to change due to a confilict.

I was denied placement due to the testimony of the AREA State Adoptions that WANTS the foster parents to gain adoption of my nephew, it seems she HAS my home study adoption approval but...........has yet to finish her assessment! BULL crap........ there is no need to drag our feet! ALSO both she and the foster mom claimed that my nephew has "attachment" problems reported by the NEW therapist! NO name of the disorder was given, written documentation, or treatment plan BUT they CLAIMED it would be to difficult to move my npehew at this time! AGAIN BULL CRAP! OH did I mention that I am aware of the original therapist and their recommendation of NO SERVICES NEEDED at this time because my nephew is FINE?!!!! I did not know this at the time of the hearing but I do now and I will get that report into court too!!!!!!!!!

THis whole thing is dragging on................I did get an overnight FINALLY with my nephew and he was an angel. He is so funny and at home that it just makes me mad at the foster parents, CPS, local (that county) State Adoptions because they are making stuff up. WHY? I really thought it was all about the child, not about the foster mom wanting another child. EVEN if that child has a loving aunt who HAS a relationship with him and is approved for adoption!!!!!!
PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANY AND ALL FOSTER PARENTS..........WHILE I APPRECIATE THE TIME, LOVE, AND COMMITTMENT NEEDED TO CARE FOR THESE KIDS, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STEAL THEM FROM THEIR BIO FAMILIES! I know that not all foster parents do that, I also know that not all bio families are ready, willing, and able to step up. OR do they even step up within a VERY few days of the child being taken into custody of CPS, but I DID! I guess my point is, IF you are aware (and I know that you may not be), that an aunt who is qualified and has WORKED at getting that child into her home since the beginning, don't put your needs in front of the child's to have their bio family. That is attempted theft in my eyes. Of course adoption is a wonderful lifetime committment to be made to these kids when there is unfit or late coming biofamilies (IF they knew of the child's foster care situation). Please don't think I am foster parent bashing here JUST begging for the children's rights to their biological families IF within a certain criteria. (I PRAY that you guys understand my meaning here

The State Adoptions here is the one who approved me, thank GOD! I have written the HEADS of all of CA State Adoptions all the way to the White House, including quite a few Senators, Governors, and Advocates for Children. I will NOT stop. TPR is December 5th and check out what State Adoptions, that county, has asked me to do.............all the while dragging their feet and attempting to give the foster parents the upper hand!
Meet with a local (my area 12 hours away) therapist at least 2 times for a disorder I have no name for. (I am guessing they are inferring RAD but still no confirmation, diagnosis, or treatment plan). All without my nephew present (don't know how they can do an assessment that way) and BTW I have a HMO, and my nephew of course has state coverage so that is a little mess till he is PLACED!

AND they want me to go there MORE, remember I live 12 hours away and have 5 kids of my own. OH and bring my husband to reaffirm their previous relationship. SO how is he going to work? It is usually a 5 day trip, and who watches the kids for that time, the house, the animals??? IF I bring the kids then I have to put them on home study, do homework up there, and the cost too?? OMG!
I am willing to do a LOT but they are making it as tough as they can on me, waiting for me to fail. BUT I won't! Dec. 5th is CLOSE!
ALSO State Adoptions is denying BOTH parents their rights to family code 8700 (f), to be able to designate the person (ME) that they want to relinquish their parental rights to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the county up there of course.

I have been working and will continue, I just wanted to update everyone and work some things out in my head! I of course have re contacted the Foster Parent Ombudsman. AND now I am of the mind to CHANGE the legislation that makes this even an ISSUE! ANYONE in CA that wants direction to codes or sites or whatever...............drop me a line. I may have the answer for you and am willing to share from the many many hours of research I have done

THANKS to all and PLEASE NO ONE take offense WELL unless you are the offending party that is trying to steal my nephew LOL Gotta keep my sense of humor right????????????????????????????????
(excuse the lack of spell check, I have to run)

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by cantbuymeluv

ALSO both she and the foster mom claimed that my nephew has "attachment" problems reported by the NEW therapist! NO name of the disorder was given, written documentation, or treatment plan BUT they CLAIMED it would be to difficult to move my npehew at this time! AGAIN BULL CRAP!

WOW sounds SO familiar. We had the same issues but were very persistant so we eventually were placed with our niece. The therapist she was seeing in Idaho sent a letter to CPS disputing the 1st placement decision to place with us stating our niece had major adjustment issues and moving her would be "detrimental" to her wellbeing...blah blah blah. And this letter was from a therapist whom we NEVER spoke to over the phone NOR met in person. She didn't even know us...and she said some terrible things about our "parenting" skills (even having never met us). It was strange and it felt so like a conspiracy or something between her and the FP's. Only after we retained an attorney did we see the case progress and placement decided. I think it was the last straw the FP's felt they needed to hold onto her...and they thought they could appeal using a letter that was very biased against us.

Don't give up! Hang in there. Hopefully it will all turn out in the best interest of your nephew.

I didn't give up because I didn't want Alexis to think nobody in her family didn't wish to raise her. We love her and would never abandon her.

[spicedmama]

No, don't give up, never. Keep all names and contacts and let them know (if you have to) who you have spoken to and why. I agree. Don't give up.

[myangels]

it sounds like they are totally planning on allowing the FP to adopt your newphew.. I would go to the news . I would not just write and call the news but physically show up at the news station ( THIS DOES WORK) I would do this next time you are in the same town as your son and do it in your town as well. You HAVE to make it HARD on the case workers and if they think for one minute they can get by adopting this child out before it hits the news they WILL and then they will say oh sorry to late now.


Please go to EVERY single Court date and when the Judge ask if there is anything else speak up and tell them exactly what is going on. Bring the videos to PROVE you have bonded with him and he has bonded with you. Bring photos ect . It sounds like they are planning to shut you out, I am so worried for you!!!!!


I know you live a long ways away ( 12 hours ) and I know this is taking a lot financially and emoctionally but inorder to get him in your home you are going to have to throw one hell of a fit.. Get to the Media ASAP before its to late. HUGSSSS

[henderfive]

Maybe you can help me with an issue I am having. I'm not a foster parent I was a kinship parent to a cousin's little boy had him for two years when bmom got him back, that was 10 months ago. I just recently got a call from another cousin (other side of the family) that his daughter went to jail lost custody of her newborn baby to DSS. If i could take him into my home. I called the SW the next day (Oct 10th) told the SW that I was interested in taking the baby. She said well the baby has already been placed, I told her I know that but I'm family and I would like to be considered to take care of him. She had me go into her office 4 days later and interviewed me. The first thing she asked was what was my intention with the baby. I explained I wanted to take care of him until r/u or tpr was determined and would be interested in adoption. Three weeks later she called to have all my family fingerprinted and then would go from there. This is were the problem lies, my DH,DD (22) DS (18) and I got livescanned, everyone is fine but I decided to add my DD boyfriend to the list becasue he comes over 3 days out of the week. Well, the SW called yesturday and said boyfriend had something on his record when he was a juvenile and she could not place the baby in our home. I told her that he doesn't live with us and he is now 22 and goes to college getting a degree in engineering and works full-time. I could get character letters if she needed them. He is even willing to call her and explain that he does not want to be the reason we would not be able to keep our cousin in the family and would not come over while the baby was in my care. She said that she would have to talk to her supervisor and let me know next week. I'm in CA. and would love to hear any suggestions or direction I can go from here. I told DD boyfriend not to be mean but he (the baby) is family and you and my DD are only dating. Someone help
Henderfive

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by henderfive

I decided to add my DD boyfriend to the list becasue he comes over 3 days out of the week. Well, the SW called yesturday and said boyfriend had something on his record when he was a juvenile and she could not place the baby in our home.

What is the actual thing on his record? If it involved children then that may be the issue. I know here if the charge involved children then they won't allow you to foster..but if it's so many years back also they will let you foster. You may need to find out (if you don't know) the actual charge on his record and then go from there. Some they can allow you to foster and some they won't.

[henderfive]

When he was a senior in high school a friend asked him to give their teacher a cookie that had marijuana in it. They got arrested later that week at school. He did not make the cookie but he did hand it to the teacher for his friend so he was charged I just don't know with what. He had to pay a fine and had to report to a probabtion officer for 1 year. I know his record has been sealed but for live scan it doesn't matter.

[hkolln]

Has he tried explaining that to the SW either by calling or in writing? Maybe that will help?

[henderfive]

I did leave her a messege that I would get character letters from his teachers and boss at work. He has not been in trouble since. I did think of having him call her to explain and since they are only dating that he would not come by if the baby was placed with us. I think my little cousin will end up going for adoption mom is not ready to change. Already lost her 4 daughters. So far I'm the only family willing to come forward. I have a list of violations that you cannot have on your record for foster care. I don't know what his charge is but dosen't look like anything that is on the list. I'm going to have him leave a messege that he would like to help in anyway he can. She isn't in until wed. If she still says no and he does go up for adoption could I re-apply if he and my daughter are no longer dating?
Thanks for any imput
Henderfive

[hkolln]

I thought that they only screened your immediate family (IE the people living with you in your home OR the ones closest to you like boyfriends). I never thought they could screen your daughters boyfriend? Well I guess if your daughter lives with you and he frequents the place then I guess they would...Just don't know why that type of charge would be an issue. Maybe if he explains to them how it was a terrible mistake on his part and he did his time and is clean now? I hope it all works out!

[henderfive]

Thanks hkolin,
I hope so too, I'm going to fight it. I was thinking because his charge is not on the list that disqualifies you from fostering if he wanted to he could be a foster parent himself. I will know next week. I'll keep you posted thanks for your replys, they are very appreciated
Henderfive

[cantbuymeluv]

OK I had de facto hearing (short kind) today, now we need a hearing, set for next Thursday due to the STATE not wanting to grant it!!!!!!!!!!! BUT the foster parents, did get it, easily too.

OK so now I am at the point of SCREAMING cause Dec. 5 is TPR and the adoption workers will NOT allow my sister or the father to sign designated relinquishments! AND I am being fought ever single step of the way!!! HOW is this legal?

So now I am calling all State adoption heads, I previously wrote to, to have a phone call AND a meeting to discuss What is going ON?? I asked attorney about lawsuit and I am now researching an attorney for that! I do NOT have faith that the system will allow me to get MY blood relative, when there is a BIG part of the system fighting me! DUDE he is my nephew and yet this foster parent is collecting kids! Well she can go collect another kid this is MY ONLY NEPHEW named Riley!!!!!!!!!! He is not replaceable. I see adoption as a good thing in a LOT of cases, but NOT this one for HER! I am tired and this is taxing me. So the media and lawsuit are my next step. OH Well I tried not to do this part. ANY California suggestions???????? I have to end this SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where did the justice go?

[hkolln]

I'm sorry you're going thru all this. I can totally relate to it all as we went thru it also....we ended up calling the Governor's office in the state she was in because NOBODY would help us....and we hired an attorney whom got us a hearing asking for immediate placement with us. That didn't work so great (the Judge told us he didn't want to sit thru a custody hearing) but it showed our desire and passion for getting our niece with us. It was expensive but oh so worth it. After it's all said and done I'd do it over and over again! Don't give up....get everyone involved. I would be careful about the media though cause that may backfire (CPS will think you are crazy or something!) but I can totally relate to wanting to do that!

Have you gotten cleared by CPS (home study and all) or is that still up in the air? If you can get CPS to clear you then that's one thing on your side. Does the child have a GAL or CASA assigned? Get their contact info and get them involved if you can. Once we met the CASA worker on our niece's case the ball started moving in our direction....but it took awhile for her to warm up to us (afterall my SIL made alot of bad choices in regards to our niece) and not til we flew there and had a meeting with her did she tell us face to face "100% you should have your niece." I still keep in touch with her (She's no longer a CASA) and she's such a nice person whom saw the truth in where our daughter should be.

Another thing I would do is write a letter to CPS (address it to the SW, the SW's supervisor, Director of CPS and the adoption coordinator in the area and maybe send one to the Judge) and CC your attorney and keep a copy for yourself. Let them know in writing your intentions and how you wish for your nephew to live with you. Then at least you have something in writing (they can't come back saying you never told them you wanted him to live with you). We also documented EVERY single phone call made, every single letter sent, everything we did! That greatly helped our attorney showing we were every involved in the case and helping anyway we could to get our daughter home with us.

Another thing I was thinking of: Does CA allow emergency orders to move children when related? I know when speaking with an attorney here (in Florida) back in the beginning of all the issues we had getting our niece here that if our niece was in Florida she could motion the court for immediate transfer to our home and that would be like in 2 days! But because she was in a different state we had to let that state make the placement decision and do an ICPC to more her. Can your attorney motion the court for a transfer to be done?

[myangels]

Originally Posted by cantbuymeluv

OK I had de facto hearing (short kind) today, now we need a hearing, set for next Thursday due to the STATE not wanting to grant it!!!!!!!!!!! BUT the foster parents, did get it, easily too.

OK so now I am at the point of SCREAMING cause Dec. 5 is TPR and the adoption workers will NOT allow my sister or the father to sign designated relinquishments! AND I am being fought ever single step of the way!!! HOW is this legal?

So now I am calling all State adoption heads, I previously wrote to, to have a phone call AND a meeting to discuss What is going ON?? I asked attorney about lawsuit and I am now researching an attorney for that! I do NOT have faith that the system will allow me to get MY blood relative, when there is a BIG part of the system fighting me! DUDE he is my nephew and yet this foster parent is collecting kids! Well she can go collect another kid this is MY ONLY NEPHEW named Riley!!!!!!!!!! He is not replaceable. I see adoption as a good thing in a LOT of cases, but NOT this one for HER! I am tired and this is taxing me. So the media and lawsuit are my next step. OH Well I tried not to do this part. ANY California suggestions???????? I have to end this SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where did the justice go?

news news news news news. If you have tried everything and they are not letting you have your newphew what is there to lose? They already decided you cant have him your only last choice is to expose them. If enough did this then maybe they would stop. BTW i have went to the news about DHS on a very specific case where a child was taken away but never abused. The child was sent home within 24 hours.