[ReMom]

Hi...I am new here, but so glad I found this forum. I have an issue...that I really don't know how to deal with.

Almost two years ago, my dtr. had a baby girl. Two weeks after her birth, the father left...never to see her again! Seven weeks later, my dtr informed me that she wasn't keeping her baby. I was mortified, hurt, scared...in shock!!

I called DSS, and told them I wanted her, and I have had her ever since. The adoption is final...it was closed. Both parents willingly relinquished their rights.

I have been trying to maintain a healthy relationship with my daughter (birth mom) in spite of so many things. I just wanted the baby to be loved on some level by her. Even if it is not maternal.

Well...I found out that my bio dtr. has been in contact with the father (term used loosely). When it first happened, I told her I was upset. I felt betrayed...he was so horrible. Has never shown any care for this baby. Their relationship is superficial at best now. She told me she wouldn't talk to him again...but she has. She even called him from my home...so now he has my number and address.

I don't want him to know anything about the baby. He has no rights to that information. And legally...neither does my bio dtr. She tells him about the baby... I hate it!! I know part of this is just anger at him...and yes, even vengence. But, more importantly, I think that the baby has a right to privacy, normacy, and no DRAMA. If she doesn't get to know anything about him (by his choice), why should he be privy to her whole life story?
About 1 month after he left he met another girl, and got her pregnant. From what I know...he stuck around for that child.

I am afraid that:
He will show up drunk some day (he drinks like a fish), or

His kid will show up some day...

I just believe that those meetings should happen on my babies terms.

I don't know what to do. I think I may have to tell my daughter that until she can put the baby's wellbeing before her unhealthy relationship with this guy...that she cannot be around us.

Can someone help with this? I really don't know...and yet I do feel like, once again I have to take the "tough love" stand with by bio dtr.

Hellllllllppppppp!!!

[TxMom65]

It is a hard call. It sounds like he doesn't really want to have anything to do with the baby and your daughter may be using the info to have a reason to talk to him. (maybe, who knows)

the main question is, it is worth not seeing your daughter just to have him NOT hear about the baby? I don't know that answer. So many things in life we can't control. As long as your daughter has contact with the baby, she can tell anyone anything and there is no way to censor her.

I can see where you are coming from. I really can. It would make me angry and I would probably have a fit about calling him from my house. Good luck in whatever you do decide.