[oldsam1]

Hi, this is my first post, and I could really use some advice from you that have already gone thou this.
my Husbands daughter , my Stepdaughter and her husband are expecting a baby girl in august..they already have three kids, and canot afford another baby..they have ask us to adopt her. and we want the baby. could anyone please tell me the process of this..we dont no what to do first... will this be a long drawn out process..

[jjsmom3]

My DH and I went trough something similar to this. The first thing we did was hire an attorney for the birthparents. (They found the attorney) The attorney represented them and did all of the necessary paperwork. Since it was a relative adoption, it went fast for us. All they basically had to do was sign some papers and show up in court. We had to do a homestudy, fingerprints, criminal background checks and pay for everything. Hope this helps start y'all off.

[oldsam1]

could I ask you what a Home study is?

[jjsmom3]

Its when a social worker comes to your home to make sure it's a safe environment for a child. They will ask about your marriage, homelife, other kids in the home, etc...He/She will make sure you have the room for a child, enough money to raise one (I guess that is standard?). Someone on the general adoption board could probably tell you more about the homestudy. We have had only one and it was considered an "easy" one because we were relatives of the child.

Have a good day!

[2manyks]

you will need to find a lawyer. they can explain everything to you. it is quite simple and inexpensive compared to other adoptions. ours cost $1,200.

[jjsmom3]

$1200! Wow! Our was $5300! We had to have 2 lawyers and had to do documents because of Indian Heritage, but $1200? I needed your lawyer!

[MamaS]

If the parents are consenting and you have no serious legal or medical issues then it should go smoothly. You DO NEED a lawyer. The one thing you want is all the legal things done correctly so that there is not room for "change of mind" later.

[oldsam1]

what do they expect of us...after all we are grandparents. we are going to have medical promlems.
i just dont see the big deal..she ask us to that the baby, and we said yes...and we did raise these kids after all. i dont understand the home study, and why they need to no if you have medical issues. i mean if you raised your kids, why would they have a problem with you raising your grandkids.

[belleinblue1978]

Originally Posted by oldsam1

what do they expect of us...after all we are grandparents. we are going to have medical promlems.
i just dont see the big deal..she ask us to that the baby, and we said yes...and we did raise these kids after all. i dont understand the home study, and why they need to no if you have medical issues. i mean if you raised your kids, why would they have a problem with you raising your grandkids.

Sometimes grandparents aren't a good option to be adoptive parents, be that right or wrong. There are grandparents out there that want to raise their grandkids that shouldn't have raised anyone.

Adoption is supposed to be in the best interest of the child not the adult parties.

Has your daughter looked into getting some financial help? Financial problems are often a reason that women place, and usually the worst reason I can think of for a woman to place. Financial problems are often temporary, adoption is not.

Adoption complicates everyone's life.

Just some thoughts.

[happygmom]

Originally Posted by oldsam1

what do they expect of us...after all we are grandparents. we are going to have medical promlems.
i just dont see the big deal..she ask us to that the baby, and we said yes...and we did raise these kids after all. i dont understand the home study, and why they need to no if you have medical issues. i mean if you raised your kids, why would they have a problem with you raising your grandkids.

Have you considered a Kinship care arrangement with your grandchild and his parents? It is less formal than adoption and may qualify you for some of the same support that is offered to foster parents. The disadvantage is that you are not the legal parents of the child and your decision making power is not as great. Kinship Care is a fluid situtation where the child could return to live with the parents. If you think Kinship Care would work for your family, I think it is wise to discuss the future relationship.

My husband and I have a Kinship Care agreement for our grandson. My daugher was still in college when she had her son. We do not qualify for financial assistance but we used the agreement to get my grandson on my health care plan at work. My daughter is mommie in every way. We are here to be a safety net. Kinship Care was perfect for us.

See below for a Kinship Care factsheet by each state in the US.

State Fact Sheets for Grandparents and Other Relatives Raising Children

Good luck. I think that you are wonderful to be willing to help your family. Congratulations on the new baby!

Happy G'Ma

[oldsam1]

well I hate to say it, but my daughter does not want the baby. she has said that she does not have any kind of bond with this child..she wanted to abort.but before she did that, she came to me and ask if i wanted the baby..the fact of the matter is.she dose not want any kind of help to keep this baby. she does not want it to have her last name..my husband and i have offered money to help her out..but it is always the same.no i dont want this baby...i could not let her abort this baby, so i told her that i would take it...and i no i did the right thing...i have an appointment to see a laywer this week.
if it is the lords will, i will have a new daughter in august.
thank you all for the help...

[feelingreyt]

oldam1,
First of all, I would like to say congrats on the new baby coming into your life!
Also, depending on what State you live in, your Lawyer may be able to request that the Judge waive the homestudy. They do that sometimes in relative adoptions where the parents are VTPR. If the judge will waive this, then you will saved alot of $$$$!
We adopted my husband's distant relative. The Judge waived the homestudy, the 6 months waiting period and it was all fast and very inexpensive.
My ason's mom also had counseling, which was paid for by medicaid. Even though she had planned on originally parenting, she said she no bond whatsoever with her son. She wanted to place him for adoption, but didn't want him to go to just anyone(her words, not mine). He was 4 days old when she was incarserated and we were called to see if we could care for him while she did her time. Well, after she was released, she had one visit with him and asked us to adopt. She just didn't have a bond with him at all(again, her words). His bdad has been out of the picture since conception. He is running from the law and his rights were terminated through the Courts.
Anyway, there is much more to my story, but I just wanted to let you know that there are certain situations when the Courts will waive the homestudy and the adoption process is very simple and inexpensive.

[oldsam1]

thank you, this could me our story. so many people wanting childern, who can't have them. and so many babies who's parents don't what them. I am so ready for this little gift from God..

[happygmom]

oldsam1,

Bless you and your husband for offering to help your stepdaughter financially. I am sorry that she has turned away from loving her baby.

I hope all goes well for you as you prepare for this precious new little girl. Had my daughter not been able to pull herself together to parent, my husband and I would have done the same thing as you.

With best wishes,

Happy G'Ma

[ReMom]

I went through this, but I called and got help from DSS. It went very smoothly...they put all the pieces together. Parents signed papers etc... I had to pay $50 That was it!!
You may want to talk to someone there... In addition, there is an adoption subsidy, which is a check that I will recieve monthly until the baby is 21 years old. It's not much...but it helps with diapers etc...
Good Luck...