[zxczxcasdasd]

Going out on a limb here...not trying to open a can of worms, but wanting to honestly respond to what I read of the story in the original post.

Just trying to put myself in her shoes, it may be that your sister feels that was pushed and talked into giving her child to you, and her tattoo may be part of her emotional reaction- possibly anger and resentment, and now that she is in the position, wanting to make sure that your brother's story does not become her/your little girl's story.

I noted that you said that you knew you would be her baby's mother before it was decided, and your sister had misgivings, but "after much talking and counseling" it was decided. That is the story of many girls here, whose parents and family decided that they should not parent and should give it to a family member, or someone else...it's very hard for them to live with the feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal that no one said "we'll help you raise your child" but rather..."someone else should have your child."

I believe that kindness and openness are your intentions in having her spend so much time with her child, and I respect that. I hope that you also respect that she may be very deeply wounded, and may have underlying hurt/anger about the whole thing that will take a lifetime to work out. At two years into the adoption, some of these feeling may just be surfacing and growing. It will not "heal", she'll just have to figure out how to live with it and it will take a lot of figuring out. I hope that she can get some good counseling and support to help her through it and that you can also find some good support for being good adoptive parents in a situation that maybe didn't have the best beginning.

God bless you all as you navigate this.

[Oceans]

Heidi - Thank you for pointing this out. As a first mom, I thought this as well and couldn't agree more.

[Lynard1210]

Thanksgiving mom, I have read in adoption books that it is more likely in a relative adoption that secrets are kept about bmom than in a non-relative adoption. I have a friend who is 45 and has just found out he is the family secret. He doesn't know all the details, but is pretty sure he is related to his family somehow. Jack Nicholson is a good example - his bmom was his sister but he didn't find out until middle age. What I find amazing is that relatives can delude themselves enough to believe that someone else in the family hasn't already dropped the bomb. Cousins are notorious for telling each other these things. All it takes is one child to overhear an adult talking about it and it gets repeated. I feel the best insurance against this type of problem is telling as early as possible . . . I started when my daughter was almost 3. Today she said, "I'm adopted." And I said, "yes". And then she said, "daddy is adopted" and I said No, but mommy is. And then she said the dog is adopted and I agreed. Then she said the cat was adopted and I agreed and then we briefly talked about growing in another mommy's tummy. Any time she brings up the word "adoption", we talk about it. The way we introduced "adoption" was when she fell in love with the book "Rescuers". I didn't realize the main character, Penny, gets adopted at the end of the story because it doesn't say that in the book. But after we bought her the movie, it talks about Penny getting adopted. It was perfect! She already loved the movie so she kept talking about how Penny was adopted and she was adopted. 3 year olds cannot grasp the concept of adoption or birth moms, but I still show her pictures of her birthmom and call her her "tummy mommy". Eventually it will all click and it won't be shocking or strange because it was discussed as non-chalantly as the weather is.

[thanksgivingmom]

I'm not sure exactly why the post was directed to me, but for what it's worth, I agree. All adoptions, relative or not, should be dealt with openly, honestly, and age appropriately. If adults put in the effort, I truly believe that children can understand from a very young age without the confusion that we like to believe they will have.