[ConcernedBigSis]

Hi all. I have spent the better part of today reading here and was unable to come up with the answers my mom needs to help my little brother. Thanks in advance for your interest and suggestions.

History:

My mom adopted (as a single parent) my little brother when he was 3 and she was 50. He is her first cousin's grandchild. My mom has successfully raised three older bio children. Me (age 43) and my brothers (ages 45 and 38).

My little bro was born addicted to some form of cocaine. He was neglected for his first three years. He had bottle rot on his teeth from being thrown in the crib and left with bottles of juice or milk for long periods of time. He was uncircumcised because his parents were on welfare and since they didn't change him appropriately or frequently enough he suffered from diaper rash and foreskin adherence that had to be corrected after my mom adopted him.

His parents are both drug addicts who have been in and out of jail their entire adult lifes. Both are currently locked up as well as his two older siblings (21 & 26). They didn't give their first two children up for adoptions. My little brother is aware that his family kept them and gave him and his three younger siblings up for adoptions.

Long story short, my little brother is now 16. He successfully bonded with our mom. He has struggled with his behavior throughout the years, but has made decent grades in school, was involved in many extra curricular activities (sports, piano, church, Christian summer camp, private high school, etc.).

Within the last year, he was kicked out of his private school, has a police record from stealing from unlocked cars in the neighborhood, is using ANY illegal substance that he can get his hands on, is defiant, withdrawn, lies like there is no tomorrow. You all get the drift I'm sure.

He is very close to going back to juvey. My mom and I both know that lock-up isn't what he needs at this juncture. He needs a good therapist and a plan.

Both my mom and I were basically clueless that adopting a 3 year old turned teenager would be this difficult and there doesn't seem to be anyone in the system who understands what is going on with my little brother.

After reading here and several other places on the internet, I am entirely convinced that he is acting out because of his adoption and his neglect during his first three years.

If anyone has any advice for me or knows of a specialist in the Austin Texas area, I would forever be grateful. My mom has always been the rock of Gibraltor and she is no longer the happy lovely woman that I know her to be. And, my little brother is only a key away from lock-up. I love them both with all my heart and can't believe that things have come to this.

[feelingreyt]

I am sorry that I have no advice for you. My children are young and we have not been through what you are describing. I do, however, want you to know that my prayers are with your mom, your little brother, you and the rest of your family. You mentioned that he was in church as a child. I believe that with the intersession of prayer the Word of God that he heard and learned as a child will be what pulls him out of the drugs that he's into right now. May God Bless your family. Stand on HIS Word, He will never fail you!

[Linny]

I would argue that his problems are from 'being adopted'....but rather from the huge neglect at infancy to age three. These years are so incredibly important in development...regardless of the adoption.

I would advise you to check into the website of ADSG....Attachment disorder support group:

Attachment Disorder Support Group

While your brother may not suffer specifically from RAD (reactive attachment disorder).......especially since you say he was able to bond with your mom.....many of the symptoms you discuss are those affiliated with RAD. The site will probably be able to help you find a good therapist, as well as give incredible support online. (I know, I've BTDT, believe me.)

This site also has a huge list of resources to help, and can point you in the right direction for further help too.

My best to you. I've been in your mom's shoes in many ways......

Sincerely,

Linny