[hkolln]

I think it's sad that your son was not allowed to know the positive things regarding you. I also think it's sad that they felt they had no choice but to force you to give him up.

Not all relative adoptions turn out this way. We are adopting our niece and we know she loves her Mom. We tell her that Mom made incorrect choices which is why she can't care for her but Mom loves her (Mom is in prison for drugs). We are the people that will be taking care of her now and love her and be there for her because her Mom isn't able to. She writes to her Mom also and Mom writes to her via our PO box. Our situation is different in that our niece was taken into CPS custody when she was almost 6 so she has memories (Bad and good). It has to be hard to know the people that raised your son brainwashed him into thinking you are the bad person. Hopefully when he matures alittle more he'll realize that. I wouldn't force him to "love" you or be in a relationship with you. Let him know it's his choice and you'll take it slow. He may be hearing things from the people that raised him which make him feel torn (like he's feeling unloyal to them for talking to you) which causes him great guilt. You can't change the past, you can only hope to change the future. And when you speak to him try and speak only about positive things and not past things that hurt you because he will feel like it's all his fault.

I'm sorry for your loss. It has got to be hard to deal with. But know there are other relative adoptions that aren't like yours.

[Lynard1210]

joshsmom,

it sounds like you've done everything you can do . . ..you've given Josh what he needs to complete his identity and i can make a wild guess that deleting his my space was a way to withdraw from the world for a while. He is probably in a considerable amount of pain that his parents lied to him, that his bdad is dead on top of the usual stuff 19 year olds are dealing with. He needs time to grieve and mature. Please be patient and not think the worst. If the Adad doesn't respond, why keep beating a dead horse? You can't change other people, especially people who don't want to acknowledge that Josh has another mother out there. My amom is the same way. She doesn't want to acknolwedge that I have a living, breathing birth mom. It's too much for her fragile self-esteem, for whatever reason.

Just curious if you have a good relationship with your own parents after everything that happened.

[josh1788smom]

It can be touch and go. I don't really know. In a way, no. There is not that deep, good foundational relationship there. My dad was injured 8 years ago. He has a brain injury now. I see him everyday at work. I work running his company because he is no longer capable of doing so. But I don't really seek them out otherwise. I try to talk to my mom some. I try to do somethings with her. She knows how I feel. On the surface, we get along ok, but heaven help us if a heated subject comes along. Whenever she tries to interject how she thinks I should be doing something as a parent, I shut her down in a second. She knows her unsolicited advise is not welcome. She knows I will never rely on her to lead me as she completely led me astray when I needed her most.

[ericamhc]

I'm sorry you went through that, josh1788smom. What a terrible situation. It is sad that such things happen. I hope you will be able to find a happy solution.

[ericamhc]

Guess I should introduce myself since I just registered. I am currently adopting my 2 year old nephew (brother's son). He has been in foster care since birth, having been with the same foster family since he was 2 weeks old. His mother had drug problems and was living with abusive family, his father (my brother) is bipolar and has never worked. We will not allow his mother any contact, and we hope to work things out with his father so they can visit; my brother and I aren't close but he is very excited that we are adopting and so far seems like he will be 100% supportive. We shall see.

We are just trying to finish up paperwork, and will do PRIDE in Feb-Apr hopefully, although the boy will probably be placed with us by the end of January/beginning of February.

[LAPA07]

what do i need to do in order to adopt my daughter to her grandparents

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by LAPA07

what do i need to do in order to adopt my daughter to her grandparents

We'll need alittle more information.

Is Grandma willing to take your daughter? Is your daughter in foster care currently? Or will this be a pivate adoption situation?