[prep3fam]

All.

My husband and I are adopting my niece's baby in October. (Obviously we have a long way to go and realize that my niece may very well decide to parent. This question assumes that everything will go as planned.)

We are not going through an agency but have hired a lawyer. We'll start counseling soon but I'm not sure either of these resources can help with the question at hand. After the baby is born, how do we broach the subject of having my niece sign the papers? I can't begin to imagine how distraught she will be and I have no idea how we'll bring ourselves to ask that she sign. How was this handeled in your adoptions? Any insights are appreciated.

I've learned so much for this board and I'm ashamed to admit that we were very detached from how she'd feel when this process began. However, we've since come to our senses and just want to ensure she is treated with respect and compassion.

Thank you.

[Hadley2]

?? Will the idea be news to her at that point?

Yes, you have a long way to go and so does she. I am confused, however, is she not already pointed in this direction?

Will you be going through the pregnancy after/if she gets through the first trimester with her? (It might be inappropriate before that time, I think.) If so, then much of the emotional work and all the legal stuff would hopefully pretty much be put in place.

I haven't done this, but others on the boards have. If you don't get much response here (right place, but sometimes not a very active board), try the adoptive parents. This sounds more like a private adoption and many of the aparents have gone through the pregnancy relationship and birth and will have a lot of good advice.

[prep3fam]

Hadley2,

Thanks for the response. At this time my niece wants us to parent the child. However, since she's so early in the pregnancy I know that this decision will be harder and harder for her to make. She's getting counseling to ensure she understands all of her options and we've shared with her all the information we've recieved about the legalities that will need to take place one the baby is born. We're just unsure of how to compassionately bring this up once the baby is born. (Assuming she still wants to place.)
Thanks!

[crick]

I would hope the counselor is discussing this with her at this point, letting her know she will have to re-make her decision to place after the baby is born. That she has options at that point too, to take the baby home with her while she decides, to let the baby go with you while she decides etc. So many ways to do it, from what I've read.

You might consider posting this question on the "Communication between bparents and aparents" forum, as a lot of the bparents on this site will likely be able to share what worked for them, what didn't, and give you some ideas.