[kathyandmark]

I found out today that my cousin, (whom my parents actually adopted out of foster care when I was a teenager,) just found out today that his girlfriend is 12 weeks pregnant. They are not married, 20 & 19 years old, and my cousin is getting ready to get deployed overseas any time now. My parents told me that "T" - the girlfriend, is terrified and doesn't know if she wants to keep the baby. My husband and I would love to adopt and have offered through my mom. If they were to become interested, we live in a different state. How does that work? Would we get a lawyer from our state (NY) or from their state (RI)? I have a feeling this is a long shot but am praying that this will work out because they are not ready to be parents and I would be scared to think of the life of that coming child. Thanks, Kathy

[opalwench]

Hi, (I'm a birthmom) we placed with my boyfriend's sister and because they were moving it did have the possiblity to become an interstate adoption. However Interstate adoption waived their involvement once we proved kinship. (We got a court order/paternity affidavit, not even a complex DNA test.) I'd still suggest that you speak to a lawyer who is familar with multiple states laws, though I'd start with the state where the baby would be born (RI).

All that being said, please remember that your cousin and his girlfriend have not yet decided to place and that they are still very early in their pregnancy. It's natural to be scared when first facing a crisis pregnancy, but they may find that they do have the strength and ability to be parents. I encourage you to support them no matter what their choice is.

[Hadley2]

Seconding opal's comments. Insist your brother and his girlfriend get counseling. I'd bet you could go on the RI state website and find community-based services in their area that offer this. If you proceeded with an adoption, you would not want it to be at risk. Given that this is family, you do not want people saying, one week, one month, or years later "Oh, they pushed us into it, it was a mistake...." Given that you are a person of conscience, you would not want to wonder, down the road, about the rightfulness of your claim to your child.

Letting the girl know that they have choices is great. I'd just want to be sure they looked into all of them before deciding.