[REBAV]

I am currently have my cousins son. He has landed himself in prison for what will probably be the duration of the childs youth into adulthood (although at this time he has not gone to trial and has pending charges in two other states, which will probably put him away for many years). The mother happily signed over guardianship to me, as she has never been involved in his life, but does want him to go to a good home. There were other options for this child - a grandmother that has been around him a little, but she does not really have the resources or ability to care for him and would really only want to get him so that she could turn him back over to the father if he ever does get out (which is bad as the child has been jerked around numerous times and been very neglected when dad gets high all of the time-ex. no food, clothing, etc), there is also an uncle that could take him, however they are obviously looking for a meal ticket, as they have had him before for a time and were mad when their monthly stipend from the state cut off when he left. and finally there is another cousin that simply put is anxoiusly looking for a babysitter for her younger kiddos (as the child I am speaking about is 11.

As soon as this child was left abandoned when dad went to jail, they were all like vultures harassing to get their hands on him. I ended up with him because I adopted my two kiddos and my side of the family thought I would be a good, safe, structured place for him to possibly live until he is grown. So here are my questions.....

1. How hard is it to have one of the parents rights terminated if they are sentenced to years in jail? I have a feeling that the father will not willingly do what is best for the child.

2. Has anyone ever dealt with family members who call incesantly for their own benefit and not that of the child?? Any advice??

Any advice would be welcomed and appreciated..

Rea

[Lynard1210]

1. How hard is it to have one of the parents rights terminated if they are sentenced to years in jail? I have a feeling that the father will not willingly do what is best for the child.

Are you considering adopting the child? I know there are laws about how long the father goes without contact but they differ in each state. If you only have guardianship and you plan on keeping guardianship, i doubt you have any legal basis to terminate the parents' rights. That is just my opinion. I would see a family law attorney. Legal custody might be another option to look at.

2. Has anyone ever dealt with family members who call incesantly for their own benefit and not that of the child?? Any advice??

I would get an unlisted phone number and if you still want to stay in touch, give them your email address. I don't like talking to my friends on the phone, let alone a bunch of people who are bugging me! It's hard .. .but it's time to set boundaries if you want to keep your sanity!

[Boulderbabe]

I don't think you have the legal capacity to terminate anybody's parental rights (although I could be wrong). I think the state must do that. Can you run this case through DCFS?

As for the phone---it's your phone and your house, and you decide who gets through. Although I think you should probably let your foster son call anybody he wants to, you have every right not to pick up the phone when relatives call.

[pattiboo26]

you can do this but u would have to adoptive this child. My adoptive kids mother went to prison for 7 years- the law in ohio is if they birth parent cant be back in their lives in 12 month the kids have to have a home for permancy. So you should be safe there

We took in my husbands ex-wifes kids. bdad is not my husband. Bdad is in prison for molesting my oldiest. He agreed to sign over custody. bmom did not. But there was nothing she could do to stop it since she is in prison.

We had to get of foster care lisense 1st then about 6 months later we adoptive our girls

[GeeGeeTaylor]

I don't think she meant calling "her" directly about the child, I think she meant they are calling the authoriting folks wanting the child for themselves for selfish *money* purposes.

[Hadley2]

Did the mother terminate her rights when she gave you guardianship? Do you really have actual legal guardianship, and how did that come about without a lawyer or the father's consent? That is, how can you have full guardianship AND there be a parent with full rights still out there? Are you sure she didn't just give you custody? (an ENTIRELY different thing that puts you and the child at much greater legal risk).

Find out who the best, most aggressive GALs are in your area that also represent prospective guardians/adoptive parents. Consult with at least three. Consultations are often free. If you are well prepared giong in, they won't have to spend the whole time asking you questions.

Consultations can give you a good idea of your options, what the lawyers can and can't do for you and what it will probably cost. Don't go in with a preconceived solution or outcome, as in, "how can I terminate this father's rights?"--helping you to figure out what's best is their job. Instead, go in knowing what you want in terms of legal risk/liability and permanency (right now, mom could sue you to get child back, for visitation, etc.), services and support for the child (Medicaid eligibility, mental healthcare, special ed requirements not picked up by your school district), and relationships (do you want to be forced to allow visitation and contact?).

I would also call your local SS agency and talk to a CPS or intake worker there about the situation. The lawyer may suggest working with SS to terminate dad. Depending on his crimes, it may be a slam dunk. If SS become involved, you might be subject to their oversight, but it might save you thousands in legal costs and may open the door to the child for eligibility for benefits and services through Title IV-E--Medicaid to age 18, mental healthcare, possible college tuition at state schools, adoption subsidy, residential treatment if needed in the future, etc.

No matter who you are talking to, be sure to use absolutely accurate language (that is, don't say you have "guardianship" if what you actually have is legal custody or just a piece of paper from mom saying jr. can stay with you. Say exactly what things are).

Finally, be sure whatever plan you have gives yourself and the child enough time to be sure this is the right placement for him. Nine months to a year seems to be standard for state cases before deciding permanency, and my feeling is that it's fairly reasonable. Kids need permanency, so putting it off too long hurts them, but everyone needs to feel pretty comfortable with it, too.

Warm hugs and blessings to you for taking on this situation.

[Vernell]

Hi, I am in a similiar situation. I have grandchildren with fathers in prison. The fathers' parental rights were terminated because they were incarcerated. Mom terminated hers thru court. Make your case for being the most stable, sincere and, responsible family member to have the child and make your case strong to whoever; caseworkers, home study people, court advocates, judge,etc. If lucky, the professionals can weed out those not capable of caring for the child. They should also be reminded of the hx of the child's placements. The child should also have the opportunity to voice his small but very important views and opinions. This helped me tons! You sound like to have put the best interest of the child first! Good for you and good luck.

[BarbaraB]

Rea, where are you from? As has been pointed out on other threads, the law regarding foster care, adoption and guardianship varies from state to state. The advice to get a GAL might be good if you are in a state where GALs are appointed attorneys, not so helpful if you are in a state where they are volunteers who don't require legal training.

In many states the department overseeing children's issues (here in FL, the Department of Children and Families) is not the only entity that can petition to terminate parental rights. Depending on the laws of your state, it is quite possible that you could actually initiate the proceeding to terminate parental rights, but you would want to speak to a lawyer about that.

Also, the fact that the father is going to be incarcerated for years would give you grounds, in many places, to terminate his parental rights -- although, if he has not yet been convicted, it is not legally speaking a "fact."

It seems to me you have several layers of issues to deal with here: you want to be sure you have adequate authorization from the mom to do whatever you need to for the child in the short term, you need to know what the laws of your state are regarding termination of parental rights and whether you could petition to terminate this father's rights, and you need to know what your permanent options are under the laws of your state.

A consultation with a lawyer in your state would be a really good idea.

Good luck!!

Barbara (adoptee, amom, att'y)