[2manyks]

i need help. 2 years ago my sister-in-law died from drugs. my brother was already in prison, so it left his 2 kids orphaned and, you guessed it, at my home on christmas day. since then, we have finalized their adoption 1 year ago. it was civil. my brother signed his parental rights over to me and my husband, and we spent 10 minutes in court and the adoption was final. of course you all know, with relative adoption its not really that simple. it changes the dynamics of the whole family. who used to be an uncle is now daddy and dad is now uncle, and grandmas on the other side arent really grandmas anymore. you know what i mean. its been tough working out all the ins and outs. today i have a new concern. my brother gets home visits from prison. i know its rediculous, but anyway. should i let the kids visit him? its not as simple as yes, hes their dad. one of the children is really angry and doesnt want to see him. the other child has RAD and would see him in an instant, but then i would have to deal w/ all her problems: bedwetting, anger, babytalk, etc. the list could go on an on. we have been working w/ a therapist trying to get her problems worked out. i am worried she will back track and i will be left to deal with the pieces. his home visits are at my parents house which is right next door! i have dodged the visites so far, but eventually i will have to face it head on. some days i tell myself, let the visit happen, with my supervision of course, it will have to happen eventually anyway. other days i am angry. you know what i mean - after all i have been through, to think he is just going to waltz in here and be daddy for the day. over my dead body.

i feel like the kids can have a relationship w/ him. but does it have to be now. he makes no effort to communicate w/ them. not a phone call or letter, ever. he sent a card last christmas. thats it. so i dont want to upset our lives because its now convenient for him to see them. its not like he has been on a long trip and its time for a big celebration. hes in prison for goodness sake.

what do you think? anyone ever been in this situation? let the advice flow!!!!!!!