[piper46]

Hi, I need some imput. My husband's nephew has a 7 yr old son. The boys mother had been kidnapped and murdered 4 yrs ago. They were young when they had Joe, she was 14 he was 16. Since the death of the mother, his father has had him. 2 yrs ago the father married and had another son, and now his wife is pregnant again. They are very unstable and being evicted yet again. My husband and I are in our mid 40's, so not to old to raise a child. We are also more stable. The boy's father is more then willing to let us raise him. What I am wondering for our own protection and Joe's, is it better to just file for legal custody or adopt him? We have no children of our own. I dont think the father would ever try and take him back, he doesn't have an emotional bond with the boy, sad but true. Joe's grandmother on his mothers side is behind us 100%, she has also been my best friend for 25 yrs. The fathers mother is raising her oldest son's two daughters and cant take another. His father has nothing to do with him, or joe. I know we will give Joe a good life, we have a lot to give a child, not just material things. So any advice will be gratefully accepted. Thanks for your time in reading this.

[DCMomLady]

Hi, Piper.

I think it's wonderful that you and your husband are thinking long-term in the best interest of little Joe but you should know that any custody arrangement can be overturned if your nephew decides he wants Joe back. People do change their minds and not always for good reasons. If you really want to give Joe the security and stability of your family, you should adopt him and let him know that you are his "forever family".

At age 7, Joe will likely have his own opinions about being relocated on the family tree and his feelings must be considered. My little one was only 18 months when she was removed from my niece's home and placed with me, so I don't have any experience to offer you on how to raise the subject with him. I'm sure it's not going to be easy talking with Joe about his father's lack of interest in being his father, or about separating him from the only family he's known. Perhaps, a child psychologist could help you with this.

Good luck to all of you.

[LynninOhio]

I would have to say I agree with DCLady. My husband and I adopted his teenage daughter's baby. I work in the legal field and I see how terrible it is dealing with Juvenile Court. You want to avoid it like the plague. Further, Legal Custody is not permanent. Anyone can file a motion requesting that custody be changed. Adoption is through probate court (at least where I live) and it is a whole separate deal. We filed the adoption papers when my daughter was 3 weeks old and the adoption was final within 6 months. (we had the mother's consent). I am breathing a sigh of relief now that the appeal time has run (1 year in Ohio) because I was worried somebody was going to try and appeal (nobody contested). Everything went smoothly and now we know our daughter has the security to stay safe in our family. Of course we would love for her birthmom to be interested, but so far she has not shown any (she is still young.)

Lynn