[kalanica2]

Hopefully I can explain this correctly (and not to long winded)so no one takes it the wrong way, because I truly support everyone and anyone who has adopted a child and given them the home and love that every child deserves. I respect the sacrifices made by relatives that change their whole lives to give children a good home. God bless you all here. We are not a relative adopt, we are trying to adopt our lil girl who is 1yr old and has been with us since birth. I post on the general adoption board but have a question for all of you. We have a good relationship with bmom and her daughters. Bfather is in jail for 2-12yrs. When bmom found out she was pg he told her he had other children that he wasn't taking care of and that he didn't want this one. He thought she had terminated. She instead, voluntarily had DSS place her with us. Having lost contact with him, she didn't find a way to contact him till a month after we've had the baby. Turns out this is his first baby and he doesn't want to relinquish. His mother and sister wanted to take custody. It hurt us, but we knew that we had to let God do what was to be, and continued to love her and take her into our hearts but didn't fight them. They called us to see her but we had to tell them that they needed to go through the social worker. They contacted the SW and for about a month were really trying to get things in order. When it came time to doing the DNA and finding someone to represent the bdad in court they never got back to the SW. They stopped all contact and no one has heard from then for almost a yr now. The state is backlogged with cases so we haven't even gotten to the first court hearing and it could be quite a long time before we find out what's going to happen. I truly feel that when the court sends the bdad the paperwork that the family will come back to get her. After reading many other's stories, I know that we have a slim chance of keeping her. Here's my question. If anyone here has gotten custody of a child that was in an adoptive home placement and then placed with them - how did the child do? What were the reasons for taking the child from the only parents they knew? Please don't take that the wrong way. I actually just want to find comfort and understand the emotions of the relatives. I would really like to be able to print this out and show it to my DH, my teens and my 6yr old son. I want to be able to find a way to cope with the loss, if that happens. I've always told our 6yr old son that she has another family that also loves her and that she may be able to go live with them someday. He cries and cries. He is her big brother in every sense. But I want to try to find a way to explain to him the emotions that go on the "other side" also. I guess I'm having trouble understanding that they don't understand that if we were to adopt her, we would want an open adoption with them - grandma would still be grandma, auntie would still be auntie. They instead want nothing to do with us, only her. They told the SW that she was their property and that was that. We have a great relationship with her bmom and would like the same with the bdad's family. I do understand that the bdad may not have that option since he's had quite a few legal issues due to drugs and the DSS may not allow us to. We only want what's best for our lil girl. We think that knowing who her relatives are will only bring completeness to her life. We don't ever want her to feel that she is being kept from anyone or anything. We want her to grow up feeling whole and satisfied with life. So if anyone can help me understand I would truly appreciate this. I could totally understand if the child was in a bad placement or going from home to home. But when she is happy and flourishing in a good home that is open to the family, I just can't understand. I hope I have explained this well. Thanks again and sorry so long!

[alwaysus]

I feel your pain. You might want to post this on the contested adoptions board, that might help you get more responses. We were in a contested family adoption and it was the hardest 2 years of my life, so I can relate.
The part about that baby being property made made me MAD! Try posting it on the other board and see what happens....

[DCMomLady]

If the bdad's family has made no effort to have contact with the child or provide the paperwork needed by CFS for more than a year, I don't think you need to worry very much. In fact, I think a case could be made that they all have abandoned your lil girl. An involuntary TPR may be possible now.

I hope you'll be finalizing adoption in the near future.

[stepadoptionblog]

No contact from the biiological parent for a year should be considered abandonment of the child. Check your local state laws. If your state does consider it to be abandonment, then you may go ahead and file for a Termination of Parental Rights due to abandonment, as well as file for the adoption.

Julie
http://stepparent.adoptionblogs.com/

[alwaysus]

If I remember correctly, MOST states have the 6 month no contact, no support = abandonment rule. I wold check that out. Here in NC, that is grounds for TPR.....