[Kaityzmum]

This will be a long post but it is really hard to ask my questions without giving the facts.

In October I received a phone call from my youngest sister telling me that CPS had been called on our brother and his girlfriend for neglecting their 5 month old son. We talked at some length about what to do but were unsure just how severe it was beyond "neglecting" to change his diaper promptly etc.

In November (a few days before Thanksgiving) my sister went over to the apartment where my brother was living only to find a Sheriff notice on the door. They had apparently been evicted and were living there illegally (with their gas heat shut off for non-payment) with the little baby. My sister found the infant in a car seat on the kitchen table, wearing only a sopping wet onesie and a diaper that was so filled with feces and urine it had disintegrated. The carseat was heaped with towels to keep him warm and his mother was asleep in the bathtub.

Needless to say my sister took the baby home where she found mold growing in old urine underneath the seat cover of his carseat, cat litter in the folds of his legs & arms.. and cat feces matting his hair to the back of his neck.

She called me not knowing what to do, I persuaded my brother to send the infant to my husband and I (out of state) until they could "straighten out". Needless to say 3 days later we ended up with a 5 month old.

He arrived in a snowstorm, sitting in a carseat with 1 thin blanket wearing only a pair of pj's. No other clothing, toys, blankets, etc. Nada. According to other family members the baby had never been seen wearing socks and had even been taken out in the snow wearing a short sleeved shirt. His mother claimed "He liked it" that way.

When we got him he was overweight, had NO muscle tone, could not roll over, could not open his hands to reach for things, would sit silent even with messy diapers and never cried. Not even when hungry. The first time my daughter tried to play with him he stared at her in shock. He would lay stiff when you tried to cuddle him and stare wide-eyed everytime you talked to him. I found out later his mother had never once been seen holding him... in fact the back of his head was severely flattened from spending so much time on the floor or in his carseat.

He stayed with us for 1 month, at which time his mother began acting what can only be described as psycho. She began demanding him back, threatening suicide, lying *constantly*, and would begin screaming fits when we tried to point out she was still living in a shelter and didn't even have any money saved up yet.

However... according to CPS and the lawyer we contacted we had no choice and they arrived to take him back. In the one month we had him... he learned to roll over, could sit up un-aided, would respond to his name with smiles, laughed, could sit and bounce in an excersaucer, play patacake and peekaboo, was on a set feeding/sleeping/bathing schedule and had been updated on his vaccines (his mother had never taken him for any of them).

In the 3 weeks he's been gone... we've found out that the apartment his mother told us they were moving into on Jan 4th doesn't exist. That she was fired from her job due to her personal hygiene (she does not bathe or wear underwear), that she has zero savings and has been lying to us since Thanksgiving about the supposed "parenting" classes she was taking. (She turned them down).

The baby is still living with her at the shelter, my brother (the baby's father) is living at a friend's and sleeping on the floor. He works 3 days a week for minimum wage and has no savings. They have no home aspects, she is in danger of being kicked out of the shelter because of their work policy (You can not stay there over a certain number of days unless you work) and is planning to take the baby and go stay with "friends".

She and my brother both have serious pot and alcohol addictions, met while doing heroin and we just found out she believes she is pregnant again. Apparently she "forgot" to go get her free birthcontrol prescription filled and never told my brother. Hoping instead this second baby will convince him to marry her.

My brother has said repeatedly he would let my husband and I raise the baby but doesn't think she would agree to it. Currently all of the clothing, toys and gear (car seat, stroller, etc) he has we purchased because they had *none*. We are deathly afraid of what will happen once she leaves the supervision of the shelter, where at least they make her clean the baby. I've been in contact with the shelter and they have told me they can't do anything once she leaves. I've called CPS and they also said they couldn't do anything *until* the neglect once more reached a "viewable" point. Meaning the baby has to go back to how he was before they will step in.

We know for a fact she is physically abusive to the baby's father and when she comes around the baby he flinches and pulls back from her. (Rather odd behavior...) so we are suspecting she perhaps yells if not strikes him sometimes.

So after this long huge commentary... my questions are this:

I am not my brother's biological sister, we share the same father however I view myself as his sister. Half is not a part of my mentality when it comes to family. My concern is if the courts will see it different.

Is it possible to pursue having someone's parental rights removed? This girl has been in a shelter designed to help women change their life styles and has constantly declined the offer of assistance or classes aside from the free room and food. She shows no sign of wanting to change for the sake of her son, is very bright but lacks common sense (she has never once washed his ears because she "didn't know how"), becomes extremely hostile when you try to help her... and to be honest is more in love with the idea of being a mother than she is with her baby.

Is there any way I as his Aunt can attempt to pursue adoption of him? Do I need to wait for CPS to take him away? Would it be beneficial to get a lawyer at this time or will they tell me there is nothing I can do until something happens?

Any insight or opinions would be wonderful!

[alwaysus]

I don't know what to say except that I will pray for the baby. I hope things work out and that the baby stays safe and healthy.

[dpen6]

This is so sad.

Have you called Dss...any help there?

When my sister had her first baby she was going to crack houses and bringing her baby daughter with her. I called dss and there comment was.well, does she love and feed and care for the baby..I said ya..if she is not high...she said well, you may not agrre with whats she's doing so that doesn't prove neglet....WHAT??? Anyway.she did eventually straighten out and is doing much better now.

You could try Dss.you might have a better experiance then I did.

[Opus]

I agree with dpen, what an incredibly sad situation. Unfortunately, as the baby's aunt, you don't have any legal rights to custody. Your only recourse, if you feel there is abuse, is to file a complaint with DSS (or CPS). Its called a "51A" here in Mass and every complaint of child abuse must be investigated. If parental rights are temporarily or permanently terminated, DSS generally looks to a foster or foster-to-adopt kinship situation first for which you would probably be considered (since your brother approves giving custody to you and your husband as well as the fact that you already have had custody previously).

[Kaityzmum]

Thankyou for your replies. It is sad... especially because this little boy just blooms with attention. When he's around his mother he retreats back into a closed fisted curled up infant and won't respond to his name. Its rather scary actually...


I did contact CPS however was told because the mother currently lives in a shelter they will not intervene. When she moves out, there must be documentable evidence of neglect again and it must meet Michigan standards to remove the child from care. Which my understanding is those tend to let a lot of things slide...

My brother absolutely would give his son to me and has said so before. He feels they can't provide a home for him like he deserves, and never will. Guess that shows the level of their willingness to provide eh?

However the child's mother refuses. She has actually threatened to have my brothers rights stripped away if he doesn't cater to her whims (buying her cigarettes etc)... which is something she can't do without merit but he doesn't know that.

I guess for now we just have to wait... and hope whatever neglect happens is repairable. Thankyou all for your comments.