[SezzySue]

Hi, my name is Sarah. I am the middle child of 5 kids. I am almost 21 and married a year this coming October. Now I grew up in the same house and these two until a couple years ago. My younger two siblings are ages 14 (boy) and 5 (girls). I am still very close for both of them.

My situation: My mom got married and and he has pulled her into bankruptcy. My mom quit her job and delivers papers in the early morning. This job is wear and tear on her car, which she has no insurance for. My stepdad can't keep a job and so they have no money. They never have food in the house, and the house is a disaster. My mom sits on her butt all day long and never pays attention to them. My sister isn't allowed to do anything if it annoys my mom so she watches TV all day. Now my mom decided to home school my sister, and we know this will end with disaster. My sister never gets to play with other kids, or even play outside. My brother does track and football, but he never has lunch at school. They do not have the money to give him lunch money or to food to make a lunch. This means he has maybe 1 meal a day with maybe a snack or two. There is no structure and it is horrible.

Everyone has tried to put sense in my mom, but she justs gets upset. I even offered to take both of them for the summer and she said no. She is always asking for money and she won't even get a job.

MY ?: Do you think it is right for me to be calling social services and trying to get custody of my siblings? They deserve better and I want to give it to them. My husband and I are military so we have stable jobs. I can afford to house them, cloth them, and even feed them. Is this something I should persue? As for me their welfare is more important right now then my moms pride. I will take them in a heartbeat and if my mom stops taking to me, its ok.

I just need some advise and perspective, thanks everyone.

Sarah

[sneezyone]

We've agonized over whether to involve social services in our family too. DH's sister is 16 and she lives with her bio father who is in his mid/late 70's. No one questions his love for her; his parenting made her and DH the loving people they are today. It's his ability to give her what she needs at this stage of her life that we question. Their situation isn't life-threatening or future-stiffling, tho so we've chosen not to intervene.

But we also have a friend of ours (we're military too)who's bio son is living in deplorable conditions (fleas, filth) with a young single mom who really has no interest in being one. She spends the child support money on clothes and clubs and the little boy arrives for vistations with no socks and highwaters! Our friend can't bring himself to involve social services because of his deployment cycles despite the fact that his son is 2 years + and mom's made no attempt to potty train, crack a book, encourage counting or singing the alphabet song, nothing. Veggies? What's that? "Sandwiches", crackers, soda and french fries are all this little boy eats. It's truly sad. The worst part is that he has another son who's a year younger that lives with our friend and his gf and has the benefit of more attentive parenting. I can't help but think that the son that's left to wallow will resent it eventually.

Were it my flesh and blood, there is NO WAY I'd allow that to happen. I understand wanting to preserve relationships with the adults, but my primary focus would be on the health and welfare of the children. Being poor does not equal being a bad parent...but WHT!! If you don't sign your kids up for free or reduced lunches so they at least get a decent meal for breakfast and lunch every day (the fed. program feeds kids in the summer too)...I think that's criminal and neglectful. Pride be da**ed! But hey - that's just me.

No one can make this call for you. In the end, you have to decide whether you'd be willing to sacrifice a relationship with your mom and stepfather in order to help those children (it sounds like you are) since that's what involving social services will likely mean. The parents could also refuse to let you have the children if they know yu instigated the trouble and the children could end up with strangers in a foster placement as a result. You'd need to be prepared for that possibilty as well. It's a tough call...

I guess I don't really have any advice other than to go with your gut.

[kylee'smommy]

Have you tried talking to your mother about this? I know it might sound crazy, but if you let her see things from your point of view, maybe the two of you can come to some sort of agreement to let them stay with you and let her and step dad try to get back on thier feet again. That way there are no hard feelings about getting social services involved.

[SezzySue]

Well I did call social services about a month ago, and nothing. No one called, and no one followed up on the report. Some things have changed, but other family is finally admitting there is a problem. My grandmother even mentioned callin social services, but is afraid my mom will be mad at her. So I am going to try and call again. For now that is all I can do. Thank you for your support.

[sneezyone]

Be persistent! If you feel strongly about this, call UNTIL someone listens. Good luck!!