[mlks]

Hello all,

I am new to this group but decided to join so I can get some feedback on this issue. Just two days ago my sister told me that she was pregnant (6 weeks). Her husband does not want her to have the baby and has asked that she have an abortion. My sister is 41 with two kids aged 15 and 13 and her husband is 38 with a daughter aged 8. He feels that his time as a new parent is over and does not want to be a father again this late in his life.

My sister, for personal reasons, cannot abort this child. She knows that my husband and I are looking to adopt again (we have a 2 1/2 year old son adopted from Russia) and has asked that we consider adopting this child.

My initial response was "whoa! no way!" but I know that I can't completely turn her down since she is offering me an incredible gift. The more I think about it, however, the more I wonder how it could ever work. There are a lot of issues to be dealt with, should my husband and I decide to go ahead with this, but I'm thinking this maybe isn't such a good idea. So I'm looking for advice or stories from those that have had similar experiences.

Please don't judge either my sister or her husband on this complicated issue. They both have their reasons for hesitating to keep this child (which was conceived accidentally, by the way) and I have to respect that. My true hope is that my sister's husband changes his mind during the pregnancy, because I think it would be emotionally difficult for my sister to deal with the adoption issue, but I don't know if that will happen.

Advice needed! Thanks in advance.

[Mom2J]

Mlks,

Please, let me start by saying, there isn't anyone here that will be judging your sister or her husband. Placing a child for adoption is an extremely personal and tough decision. We are only here to offer help and support. Never judgement. Please feel free to talk with us.

My suggestion would be to sit down with you and your husband and speak with your sister and brother-in-law. Get everything out in the open. Make sure to let them know you'll support them whether they parent or place for adoption.

If you were to adopt, this can work. The child is already family and your sister and brother-in-law will remain in intregal part of the child's life. You might want to also check out the open-adoption forum as well. We've even got a birthparent's forum for your sister and brother-in-law. We're here to try to help.

Mom2J