[Amber06]

Hello! I am in an odd situation. I need some advice and if any of you could help, I would really appreciate it. Here's the story.
I am 17 years old, and I will be 18 next month. I am an excellent student, and I take school seriously. I have been dating my boyfriend Chad for almost 2 years, and we are really happy. If you can believe that coming from a teen, I know how critical some people can be.
Ever since I was 12 years old, I have been taking constant care of my little cousin "Puddin'" My aunt and uncle, although I love them, are not fit parents. They have four other children other than Puddin' and Puddin' (she is 8 years old.) is pretty much the mother of her 4 younger siblings. She feeds them, clothes them, and it breaks my heart. She is so grown-up for her age because she has to be. I have always been there for those kids, especially Puddin' because she has always been the most neglected.
Now my aunt's sister moved in and takes care of the younger 4 children, so that burden has been lifted from Puddin'. However she doesn't take care of her. She feelss that Puddin' is old enough to take care of herself, and she isn't. She has always taken care of herself, but the point is she shouldn't have to.
That is where i come in. Whenever I am in town (where Puddin' lives) I go pick her up and she stays at my mom's with me and my boyfriend. One night, she asked me if se could come live with me. I thought she was kidding so I said uh- huh sure Puddin'. She asked me questions that made me cry, questions no child should have to ask. "Would I have a bed? Would I get to wear clean clothes? and eat all the time?"
It seriously got me thinking. I turn 18 IN one month. Is it possible for me to adopt Puddin' with the consent of her parents? Would courts go for that? It would take me alot to get my aunt and uncle to let me, but I think I could do it.
I can already think of a few questions you will ask. Yes, I can support her. I have a part time job, and Chad has a full time job. (He is out of school) My mom owns her house and plans to move out and into a house with her boyfriend. So I will get the house and all I will have to pay is electric and phone.
She will also be able to see her siblings anytime she would want because I would be living in the same town. She wouldn't have to switch schools either.
I know it wouldn't all be easy, I am not oblivious to the problems of parenthood. But it would be worth it to get my Puddin' out of that situation.
Sorry for the long story. I need your help!
Thanks!
~Amber

[BrandyHagz]

Amber,

You'd have to talk to the state to find out what their requirements are. Some states require adoptive parents to be a certain age or older...others require adoptive parents to be at least X years older than the child they are adopting.

I'm sure you'd be able to do a search of your states Statutes that outline this requirements somewhere on the net...or if you want to post what state you're living in, we might be able to search and find them for you.

Those are the only two issues I could think of that would come up...and they might not even be an issue for you, since this could be considered a kinship adoption.

Good luck!

[Amber06]

Thank you so much. I live in Michigan, and I would really appreciate it if you could help me, I have no idea where I need to look for that information! Thanks again!

[BrandyHagz]

I'm kinda busy right now...but I did do a quick search...so far I haven't found anything related to the age of the adoptive parent in a related adoption.

They did however define "relative" as

The third person is related to the child within the fifth
degree by marriage, blood, or adoption.

Do you meet this requirement?

In another section it says this:

As used in this section, "relative" means an adult who is the child's grandparent, brother, sister, stepsister, stepbrother, uncle, or aunt by marriage, blood, or adoption.

To me, those are two different things...the above is 1st and 2nd degree...or at least, that's how I'd view them...

Maybe the best plan of action would be for you to contact an adoption attorney in your area and ask for a free consultation...to find out if its even possible.

[Mom2J]

Hello Brandy and Amber,

I had some time so I did some research with Michigan laws. Amber does qualify with being first-cousins.

You can be single to adopt in Michigan as long as you meet the criteria.

I still haven't located the age between the adoptor and adoptee, but for some reason, 15-years is sticking in my head.

What about just getting custody of "Puddin"? It would allow you to enroll her in school and be the parent caregiver. Just an idea. Either way you do anything, you NEED to consult with an adoption attorney or family lawyer. They're invaluable with their expertise.

Mom2J

[LadyBugz]

Whether or not it is legal, I have a very hard time believing that a judge is going to let a just turned 18 year old adopt an 8 year old. Kin or not. Technically legal or not. It is going to be even harder considering 1) She hasn't been living with you (this speaks to the emotional situation of you becoming a mom, her moving in with you, the finances, etc). 2) You aren't married. And even if you were, marriages between young people have the highest divorce rate. 3) You have a part-time job, and no established career path. 4) She has parents and an aunt in the house now. 5) If things are so unfit for her, then they would consider foster care (maybe for all of them) and if they aren't, she wouldn't need her 18 year old cousin to adopt her.

And this is coming from another young mom. Imagine how a 40-something judge will see it.

I agree with the previous poster. If you really want to do something, your real option is getting CUSTODY, not adopting. Alternatively, a big brother/big sister and you together might also give her plenty of time to be a kid outside the house, which is another thing you could look in to.

I am not trying to be mean. I've been dealing with the courts for years. And I can tell you it is most likely a very, very remote possibility that adoption is a viable option at this point in time. I hope you can find another suitable answer, because you are right that it is very sad when a child is robbed of her childhood.

[Amber06]

I agree that it is a remote chance that I will be able to adopt Puddin' as soon as I turn 18. That is why I posted on these boards, I was looking for an alternative and custody sounds really good right now. It would let Puddin' ease into the change.

It would be hard on Puddin and the family at first, I agree, but it is in the best interest of Puddin'. She is not living in a good environment where she can be a child. I have a steady career path planned out, and I have been accepted to college. Yes, life would be a little harder on me, but ultimately it would be the best for everyone.
More later, I have to get to class.. Thank for all input.

[Chicken8182]

Lady bugz - I slightly disagree with you on this subject. When I was approached through Indiana cps agency about fostering to adopt my niece I was 19 years old about 10 mo away from turning 20. my husband was barely 21 years old and we had only been married for 4 months. Not once in my case did our ages become an issue. Also out of curiosity I began talking with my adoption sw about requirements and types of homes they are usually looking for and she said that being married is not a requirement for adoption and that she personally has placed many children with single parents.
And as far as finances I wasn't even asked about my finances until 2 yrs into her placement a few months before we finalized our adoption. You may be right but In the eyes of some I think that an open heart and mind and a loving stable home superceeds age. Amber- don't give up. If you truly feel this strongly about gaining custody of puddin fight for her. you must must must ensure however that this isn't just playing house you must absolutely without fail provide a stable and loving home. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I also don't think that your relationship is just teenage crap, I was 13 yrs old when I started dating my husband and every one said it was just puppy love and lo and behold i married him 6 yrs to the day I met him on the schoolbus. If you are truly serious about this maybe try and find an older parent or relative to help guide you through this, you may be old enough to adopt but it can be very emotionally difficult and it would be good to have a good support system behind you. Definately seek the advice of a Sw or an attorney. I hope all is well for you and i admire your selflessness. I truly hope everything works out for you .