[scratchdav]

What a mess. My husband and I adopted his first cousins grandkids. The girls were taken fromt he birth mother by CPS and they called and asked us to help. CPS relinquished all the rights from b. mom and we could not figure out who the fathers of either girl was so the courts relinquished unknown fathers rights.
The birth family say they "chose" us to have the girls and now we won't let them see them. Our lives are so busy that we don't have time to visit DAILY let alone care to have them at our home regularly. We are happy with our family just as it is. I also would love to know an adoptee in this type situation and how they felt about the whole family intermingled and how to deal with it as my girls grow older. They are currently 2 & 3 yrs. old.
The birth mother has not been much of an issue since she is locked up most of the time and she doesn't "push" us, she will write a letter occassionally but that is it. She knows our rules and knows that if she isn't clean then she is not welcome around us so she has kept her distance. The grandmother and g grandparents don't seem to realize that we don't HAVE to let them be part of our live, we choose to and it gets real old with them constantly whining about us not letting them have the girls. They see them more than our own family..... UGH.

[shylagirl]

I just wanted to let you know that sometimes people want the best for themselves and not for the kids, maybe the birth family is just still adjusting to the reality of whats going on. Its so hard to just say hey butt out and I'm not saying you should do that Tell them that you want to have them around but it s hard with your busy lives right now maybe they are just affriad of the kids not knowing them. Also they may want these kids around mare b/c there own daughter can't be there w/ them.

GOOD LUCK! Just make sure the kids are put 1st they are the important ones

Crystal

[scratchdav]

How much though is enough. The birth "family" acts like they adopted US instead of us adopting the girls. I thought it was great at first except they tend to be "free loaders". I love family get togethers and have a great family of my own (that of which does not like the bio. family because they are so obnoxious and free loading). The bio. family wants to be at everything but smothers the girls and does not want anyone else to enjoy them. They stay in their faces, are constantly pointing out that THEY are the birth family. They don't share. That seems to be the main issue. If it could all just "blend" would be nice. They will bluntly say though that they don't CARE what anyone else wants, these are THEIR kids. Makes it very difficult. I originally thought, what could more love hurt. WELL, MY family. They want to enjoy the girls too, but not smother them. Of course the birth family is so messed up because NONE of them have really raised their own kids, every one was pretty much "group" raised. Grandma did most of the raising and they act like I should let EVERYONE raise the girls and me support it all financially (since none of them work, they want to play and me pay) I just don't want to deprive my girls of knowing their real family but I also don't want to deprive my family of feeling SECOND either and that is what the bio. family does when I mix them together. And I refuse to have 2 of everything at MY EXPENSE because the bio. DOES NOT care to share the expense. They are majorly cheap..... So where does that leave me. I just want whatever is the very best for these girls. They are the world to us and just because I might not agree with the birth family doesn't necessarily mean I am right. They are just alot different than my husband and I and I don't want my girls turning out like all of theirs did... ???

[shylagirl]

I'm sending you a PM I didn't realize the issues in your original post

[scratchdav]

I am new to this forum thing, what does PM mean?

[Jensboys]

A PM is a Personal Message. You can access your personal messages through the Quick Links drop down menu on the upper right hand of this screen.

I hope this helps.

Jen

[Mom2J]

scratchdav, can I tell you, we're in the exact same boat? All of the way down to adopting first cousin's, grandkids. Yes, it is pretty messy at times.

PM me if you'd like to talk about it.

Mom2J