[Katiebear7]

Four years ago, my nieces and nephew (at age 1 week, 6 months and 2 1/2
years old) were taken from their parents due to the abuse that was
witnessed on one of the little girls we have since adopted. She has a
brain injury from her father when he threw her at a wall when she was 2
1/2 years old. She recently had her first eye surgery because she is
losing her sight. The younger sister is also with us.

When we got the girls (2 & 4 y.o) they had the developmental ages of 6
months and 18 months. DSS believed they were practically brain dead.
They both have CAPD and the younger one also has ODD while the older one
is losing her sight. They were fetal alcohol crack babies.

Since the adoption (we also have 3 teenage sons) we have learned both
girls were physically, emotionally, and sexually abused by the father.
We also learned the birth mother held down the girls for these insane
acts. After taking off work for the first 18 months and working daily
with the girls along with the rest of the clan - they are now only
developmentally delayed by 18 months. The older one is on the honor
roll and the younger is above average too.

The problem is this: Both girls are deathly afraid of their parents and
I promised them I would protect them. Their mother who is my sister is
in prison once again. Today, my mother (who also lives with us - 71
y.o. and on oxygen) received a card stating that she would like pictures
of the girls, etc. We have never acknowledged that we have the girls
and to further protect them we have the girls attending school out of
zone. She further stated she wants to thank my mother for taking care
of them and could she get to know them. She wrote the letter like she
doesn't know her rights were terminated or doesn't want to accept it.
Please keep in mind she is very violate and manipulative and that most
of the family is deathly afraid of her. She never threatens - she
promises. She gets out of prison on 11/25/05 and each time she is
released she tries to come here.

The question are:
(1) Should my mother write back telling her that her rights are
terminated and all 3 kids have been adopted.
(2) Should she tell her that SHE doesn't have the girls?
(3) Or should she not answer it because it will start something again?

Please give us some guidance. Most people believe we deserve the
turmoil because we took the girls in - but I still believe the girls had
a right to a life and their family. The other 4 children are with other
family members and only I know where they are for their safety. Every
child has grown and their handicaps have lessen due to the love and
support we have given them.

[Azureone]

...please consider speaking with a lawyer or someone at legal aid. This is not the place to seek advice for a situation as volatile as yours.

The children deserve more than random advice from an adoptees forum. Please be careful, the children are important.

AzUrE

[Katiebear7]

I guess the real question is:
Are the parents notified that there rights have been terminated?

How would the adoptive parent know?

[Azureone]

It sounds like you need to be prepared...get a lawyer or consult legal aid. They will be able to advise you on things you haven't considered or anticipated.

AzUrE

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi Katie,

I'm sorry I can offer you no advice. I just wanted to say that I admire you for stepping up and adopting these kids! You have potentially put yourself and your family in harms way to protect these innocent children and will be rewarded greatly!

I am curious as to your relationship with your sister (that's in jail). If the state knew she was in jail she would have been notified her rights were terminated. I'm surprised she wasn't present in court for the TPR hearing. Where is the children's birth father?

When we were notified that our children's mom was getting out of jail and back in town we got a big dog LOL. We also have a security system in our home and I keep it armed when I'm home alone with the kids and every night. Their mom was not as dangerous sounding as your sister (I hope I got the relationship right and that she is your sister), I just did this for my piece of mind. I got the dog to buy me a second or two to react not as a guard or attack dog. I was just hoping it would intimiated her for a second or 2 so I could react. Since we LOVE animals it was the perfect solution for us LOL.

If I was too nosey, please disregard my questions. I was just trying to figure out the relationship so I could maybe give you some safety suggestions.

Best of luck to you and your family.

Michelle

[Katiebear7]

I am embarassed to say - yes she is our sister. None of us turned out this way. If she was diagnosed today she would be major ODD, ADD and Dyslexic. She believes she does no wrong as long as she doesn't physically touch you.

The birth parents were not in jail at the time of the termination hearing.

Yes, we have security in place but somewhat relaxed right now. When it gets closer tighter security will be done until she is picked up again.

We took 2 of the 6 and helped make sure the other ones got placed too. Each and every child out there deserves (no - has a right) to a loving and healthy life.

Any safety ideas will be appreciated.

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi Katie,

Don't be embarrassed by your sister. All families have problems just not all the same type.

Besides the security system and everything else you've done, you need to have a permanent restraining order against your sister and her husband (where is he by they way?). With all of the evidence you have given us you should not have any trouble getting a judge to issue one. The kid's school also needs to be aware of their situation. I know you probably hate to involve them but for their safety you really do need to make them aware. The children's social worker also needs to go see your sister (and the children's bf if possible) and inform her that her rights have been terminated and she has no right to see them.

Unless moving without leaving a forwarding address is an option, I don't know what else you could try. I pray someone else on here has more advice.

Best of luck.

Michelle

[Volfe]

Can you ask DSS if the parents were notified of TPR? Not sure they can give that info to you but try. If she was in jail at that time you can ask the warden if they have that info (they often do, but again, not sure they can share).

Some states notify but that doesn't mean notification was received.

For security, well...
1. An alarm system
2. The schools/ preschool/ caregivers need to understand that NO ONE is able to take your children from your care without written permission AND a phone call on that day. This is VERY important (and many child relative abductions occur this way).
3. I doubt a restraining order could be obtained if it was the father who was abusive (on the record) and she has never threatened you, the children, etc (that is on the record anyway). You might look into it though. If she has ANY record of self-endangerment, THAT should be reason enough (I think).

As for what your mother should say (def consult an attorney for this). However, I think a carefully worded reply is in order. Perhaps: "The state took the children and adopted them out, I don't know where they are (plaintive, victimized, you can't blame me wording)." Certainly, do not antagonize in any way.

Good luck to you.

I had to use these measures once on the man who has since abandoned his children. He was suicidal before, during, after the break-up. I didn't want him taking my kids with him.
He felt HE was the victim. Everyone was against HIM. What did he do, it wasn't his fault... He even cried at the custody mediation appt. about not seeing his kids (he only wanted to see them every 1 weekend a month). 2 months later (4 yrs ago) was the last time he so much as emailed me about them...

That is mental illness.

Take care

Maia

[Katiebear7]

All 3 schools have their photos on file since we received them and records secured. She has already tried to see one of them once but went to the wrong school - the school called me in a panic.

As to the neighborhood - each of our neighbors have their photos - that's how we found out 2 years ago they were seen on our street.

The girls are never allowed in their front yard unless one of their older brothers is with them.

The father is in Colorado and not in jail. We haven't seen or heard about him since 8 months ago.

I have decided to request DSS to send official notification once again to both the birth mom and dad. I will give them the last known addressese of both. I was also told some of these parents don't ever accept that their rights were terminated while others do even when they're notified.

I was told by the Court once she is out I can get a restraining order on both parents since the birth mom has tried unsuccessfully to get to one child right before she went back to prison.

I had already asked the prison to notify but until they receive "official" notification from DSS then they can't intercede.

Thanks to all is has assisted us - I don't feel so alone with this mess they are causing.