[HazelEPrincess]

My boyfriend's family has been gong through a situation with his borthers wife. She has been a drug user since she was 15, she has 5 kids and the youngest three are his brother's kids. THe older two have been re-moved from her care plenty of times so have the younger ones. My brofriends mom has taken care of the younger ones for long periods of time....the brother knows his wife has a problem but doesn't want to seem to leave her so when they are on good terms he drags the kids right back to that environment. When they aren't he leaves and moves back with his mom leaving his kids and the other two with his wife. Well enough has been enough and CPS came in yesterday and questioned the kids after several neighbors say that theyare not taken care of. The kids said they were afraid to say EVERYTHING (she does drugs and sells them right infront of their faces) because they did not want to go to foster care.

My question is that I think my boyfriends mom which is their grandmother wants to step in but she is afraid of loosing her son in theprocess. Its like she will take care of them to support her son but since she doesnt take any legal steps he goes and takes them away whenever he gets good and ready.

The family loves the kids but are SET financially. Does the state help if someone were to take temporary custody? Who has rights? Only the gradmother? Does the dad have rights eventhough he is living with his mom? What about my boyfriend or his sister? Do they have rights?

The came to the kids schools and when they came home the mom had left supposedly checking herself into a rehab. It seems she always is one step ahead and will do the rehab thing so when she comes back she can get control of the kids again. People want this game to end and the kids to FINALLY just belong somewhere. But no one knows what steps to take. Can anyone help?

[DianeS]

OK, I'll take a stab at this one.

The mother and the father of the children are just that - mother and father, with full and complete rights to dictate their children's lives. Everyone else is what they are - grandmother, uncle, aunt, etc, and have the rights to do anything with the children that the parents allow them to do, and not a bit more.

It doesn't matter where the children live, or with who, or for how long, or where the parents live, or with who, or for how long - the mother or the father can come in and remove the children to another place any time they like. The police, if called, would probably even back them up.

The state does not usually provide financial assistance for people who want to care for another person's children, unless the state is the one who removed the children from their parents, and even then the state is likely to only provide financial assistance to those caregivers who have gotten themselves licenced by the state to provide that type of temporary care.

That said, it is possible to draw up a guardianship agreement that both parents would sign that would allow the children to live with a different adult, and have that other adult make the decisions for their lives. Depending on how it was written, it could have a definite ending date or be open-ended. One with a definite ending date could prevent the children from being removed by a parent if one should show up. In that case, if the police were called, they'd back the adult who had the guardianship agreement. Guardianship agreements can and sometimes do include child support from the child's parents - but enforcing that and actually seeing any of that money is entirely a different issue. So, without the state involved, both parents have to voluntarially agree to a guardianship agreement, and voluntarially agree to pay the caregivers, and voluntarially actually show up with the money. That's a tall order.

The grandmother of these children has some hard decisions to make. Yes, her son is her son and she doesn't want to "lose" him. But he's also an adult, and there are defenseless children involved. WHY is she giving a home to the adult son who isn't standing on his feet and forcing the minor children who have no say in this to live with a drug-addicted mother??? If the son didn't have mommy to run to, would he stay in the family and work on improving it? What would he do if informed the only way he can stay with his mother is if he brings the children? Just some thoughts...

Often the state will prefer to have the children live with relatives than with a regular foster home. Sometimes not. Someone in the family can get certified to provide foster care if the children living with a stranger seems somehow worse than the children living with a drug-trafficking mother.

Being licenced for foster care and having the children placed by the state into your foster home is the surest way of receiving financial assistance for their care, although sometimes it's hard for families to access even then. Would it be possible for the other members of the family who aren't living with the children to provide money to the family member actually caring for the children? Spreading out the costs like that might help you.

Hope some of that helps...

[HazelEPrincess]

Thanks for your help. I agree %100 percent with you about the son being a GROWN adult. Right now all the kids are staying with the grandmother and the son. TOday I think they when to get emergency custody of the kids because the mom was supposedly going to rehabbut right now they don't know where she is. They haven't seen or heard from her since Monday. The state is very much involved because they were the ones that came to the kids school and they warned the son to take his kids out of that environment but he didn't listen. So I don't really know what will be the turnout. Personally BOTH parent are unfit. The oldest child who is in high school said she will say everything that she can think of but they REFUSE to go through this again. They have been through it their entire lives. Eventhough the parents have a good position I think that the history will show the mom is unfit to care for the kids and only uses them to get what she wants in the system. With that many kids she is allowed to live on welfare and her only job is supposedly a "night job" at a club. The oldest ones have said they have seen her come in late at night with no shoes on drugged up and they would be in the house all night alone. But I think the father is just as responsible since he knows his wife and knows her problem. He is just as much at fault for leaving them down there.

[HazelEPrincess]

Ok so now I really need help. I spent some time with the kids this weekend. Took them out, did their hair and just talked to them. They have lost ALL faith in their father because he always ends up making up with their mom and dragging them right back to the situation. One of the kids told me she is afraid tosay anything because he mom always finds out. SO anway, The father talked to the mom yesterday, she was in re-hab for one week. THe CPS guy who he has yet to meet said that he should not have any contact with her or let the kids. THe dad said this morning he is going to allow the kids to go back and forth between the mom and him...KNOWING the environment they are in and what they have been through. He failed to go to court to get temporary custody of the kids eventhough they told him he needs to. PLEASE HELP. What rights do uncles and aunts have? Even the grandmother? The little boy said someone (one of his moms friends) pulled a gun on him and the little girl said her mom allows the drug dealers to beat on them. One of the guys bruised her leg all up.