[suze1958]

My husband and I are adopting my bio-male cousin's two children. He has since passed away, and bio-mother lost parental rights with these two because of drugs (still to this day cannot get off drugs). I was told by officials of the county we are working from that the state takes it very serious when parental rights have been terminated. We realize that there is going to be some family members that will bring up this history in front of the children, but we are going to tell the babies (they are much too small right now) when they are older that "mom was too sick and dad got sick and passed away so you two were so special that you get us as your new mommy & daddy".

What do you think, is this a good way to explain to the babies?

When they are older, not sure quite when is old enough but we will feel that out and hopefully know when the right time is for their sake.

Suze

[tybeemarie]

I think that is a very sensitive and age appropriate response. A truthful life book that forthrightly addresses the drug addiction and health issues would be a good tool, too, as they are ready for that. You might check out Claudia Jewett's book, Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss for more information from a clinical perspective. Condolences on the loss of your cousin. And congratulations on the adoption of your babies!

[Sledge]

Tell them as soon as possible, kids understand a lot more than grown-ups give them credit for. If you wait too long and it slips out they may think that you were trying to hide it from them even though you were not, but waiting for the right time. As for how to tell them there are some books out there that may help you on how to approach the subject. I don't know for sure because we adopted my wifes nephew at the age of 6 so he knew what was going on. Good luck.