[itsnoteasy]

Some times I just want to give up.Im 25 and this year I have decided to take in my 14 year old adoptive brother.At first everything was ok,but now it just seems to get worse.He will not go out side and meet friends,he wants to hang with me all the time,And when I try 6be a parent he gets in my face becouse he is bigger than me and knows that I dont believ in child abuse.The other day he actually through a punch at me and struck me.I called my mom and she said that if I cant take care of him them he must go back to cps.My mind and heart is in gaze,I dont know what to do becouse I my self is just learning how to be a mature adult,go to college and work.

[wgatap]

That is so hard - to be a loving family member and do what is right - for both you and him. Have you tried telling him that if he doesn't want to fit in that he will have to go back? 14 is a hard age on any child, let alone one with problems fitting in. Do you live with anyone else? I know that there is no way anyone would throw a punch at me and hang around. What you are doing is noble, but can you really help him? Some sacrafices are so worth it, and others are not. If you are a Christian I reccommend a lot of praying. Ask other family menbers what they think, what they would do, is there anything they can do to help.

I wish you luck.

[Just Julie]

What does he really want deep down in his heart? Your mother is his legal parent. Why is he not living with her? Is it because he is violent or abusive toward her? She needs to sit down with him and lay out the rules and consequences and be consistent about following through. She needs to call the police if he is violent and tell him in advance that she will do so. The state is no longer his parent unless she relinquishes. They will not automatically take him back.

If your mother cannot or will not parent him and you are willing to try, then you must be the one to lay out the rules and follow through. Consistency is most important. It sounds like you have a busy life of your own with college and work. Would your mother compensate you for his care? I wouldn't worry that he wants to hang out with you. That may be a compliment and positive. It will probably change when school starts again and he has homework etc. He needs to know the bottom line with whomever will be parenting him, and he needs to know what it will take on his part to make it work for him.