[Dustbunnie]

Hi Lady C
Bmom and I had an okay relationship when I was growing up, as long as I didn't act like a typical active kid when she was visiting. If I was too noisy or ran around too much and made her nervous she would generally yell at me then run off and slam a door.

I'm not sure if you're thinking that I deny to people that my bmom is my biological mother. I know that my bmother is my mother, and I never deny that relationship to people in public or private. We talk about her side of the family as my great aunts and uncles, and relatives as any mother/daughter would. I never had children, but if I did I would have had them call her grandma.

I've always been emotionally oriented, and the emotional connection I make when I hear the term Mother is the role that my amom/grandmother had in my life. My bmother is a biological parent, but she's not my Mama. It doesn't mean I love her less, I just don't think it is possible for me to transfer all of the feelings I had for the woman who raised me over to my bmother. Maybe this has to do with the fact that I have known all my life what our biological relationship is, so it's always seemed normal to me that she was bio mom and I called her by her first name, and my grandmother was mom.

When I have bitter feelings now it's mostly because my bmom is very emotionally needy, and I have noticed that since my bfather has died she has put me in the role of the person who will take care of her and solve all of her problems no matter what, and she's so terrified that I am going to rebel and abandon her that she makes a point of never ever disagreeing with anything I say because she doesn't want me to get mad at her. Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed by all of it and feel like I have a 61 year old adolescent on my hands.

I never realized how hard it is to define a relationship until I tried to respond to this.