[bubby2six]

Dear Lady C,
Thank you for the compliment!
I think the fact that there are several other adoptions like this in my family has helped to pave the way for us. My grandmother adopted her grand-daughter and my uncle and aunt adopted their grand-daughter as well. This was the example we saw growing up and it seemed perfectly natural. In all cases, everyone knew who everyone was and everything was in the open.
I have tried to hook my son and d-i-l BOTH in a birthparents support group in their home town. I am hoping they will go to the next meeting.
I talked extensively with the birth mom and dad before the birth and there was just no other way for them. This decision came from an emotional, physical, financial, and psycological stand point. If it were just money, we might have been able to help, but this went much deeper. The day my dil told me that if she won the lottery tomorrow, she would still go through with it. Right then and there I knew she was serious and that it was the right thing to do. She has three children at home who need her and she felt that she just couldn't give any more. She is only 22 years old. She is looking out for the well being of her other kids. They both have on-going issues with drugs.
As far as us wanting another, we are always ready to have another. She is a very loved little girl surrounded by parents and siblings who adore her.
I tried to send a picture but it said the file was too big. I will try and send another later.
Thanks to everyone for their support and input. It helps so much.
Jo Dean, you said the birth mom is in your daughter's life. Can you tell me , what does she call her? I assume we will have Teagan call her birthparents by their first names. Let me know.
Diane, thanks for the wonderful words and advice. They really rang true. Thank you.
Kelly

[ojodean]

Dear Kelly,

Yes, my daughter Nichole, is in Samantha's life. Samantha calls her Nikki. I think this is the best thing. She hears me call her Nikki and she just copies me. She is just 21 months and is slow in talking. She loves Nikki very much and I would not have it any other way. As long as they have a good relaltionship it should be much easier for Samantha to accept the whole adoption. At least this is what I am hoping.
Nikki always calls me Samantha's mommy. I am sure it can be hard at times when we are all out shopping together and people ask if Samantha is her child also. (Samantha looks a lot like her siblings) Nikki just says no she is my mom's baby. I think it is hard for her to say she is my sister. There are a lot of issues we have to address since we are so close all the time. But I just have to trust that everything will work out. (yes I do worry about it also) Hugs to the little one.
p.s. were you able to find the book "Raising our childrens children"? Hope to keep in contact with you. I know how busy you must be. Samantha keeps me hoping all day.

[Rosies42]

Don't let anyone bring you down! You know in your heart and your son's and DIL's that you're doing the right thing. Been there and done that. Spoil her rotten! I'm raising my grandson, he's 3 now and he's absolutely wonderful. Such a beautiful boy. My daughter is floundering in her life and can't even hold a job or decide what she wants to do and scrapes by. Her and her boyfriend asked me to adopt when she was 6 mths along and I didn't hesitate. Some people just can't take care of themselves much less another human being. Everyone's circumstances are so different and you can't judge a person's decision that may be the best they can make at that particular moment. I hear of children starving and being abused and neglected. You always hear " If only I'd of done this or....". Well we've done it. My daughter and me have a wonderful relationship and has no regrets whatsoever. Be the best 'grandma-MOM' you can be, God put her into your hands for a reason. Only the best,,,,Rosie

[ojodean]

I think that is the best advice ever. All circumstances are different and only you know what is right. I would not change anything with the adoption of my grandaughter, Samantha. Yes it can be tough at times but nothing is better then to have that big hug and smile from that little one that you have given your all to, to help grow knowing they are loved. A big thumbs up to you Rosie and a big hug to you Kelly for following your heart.
In friendship, Jodean (mommy to Samantha)

[bubby2six]

Thanks everyone for being here and your imput.
Teagan is doing so well and our adoption is final on June 28th !! We are anxiously awaiting that day.
I was feeling pangs of guilt in the begining, but that has now passed and I know in my heart that she is exactly where she belongs, with a mommy and daddy that love her and brothers and sisters that spoil her rotten. Her birth parents are now apart and her birth father has her three b brothers and is in a shelter. The birth mom is nowhere to be found and we are so thankful Teagan is with us. For those of you that pray, please be praying for them.
Kelly

[ojodean]

Now that is what it is all about. She is Beautiful. That little smile can melt your heart. She is yours by the grace of GOD and you just give her all your LOVE. What more could she ask for. I am sure that you know when you look into that face that she is indeed where she belongs. Never question it. She will grow to know she was placed in your arms for a good reason. Give her a big hug from Samantha and myself.

[bubby2six]

Hi Everyone,
Our adoption became final last Monday !!!!!! We are so excited that it went off without a hitch and the court went by quickly. The judge did keep saying "You have a LOT of children, but you seem capable to do it" over and over. It was pretty funny.
Our son, and Teagan's bio dad, has moved in with us along with his 3 boys. It was the first time he had laid eyes on Teagan and it has gone very well. He addresses himself as her brother and I am amazed at how he handles it. Needless to say, our house is crazy and all are adjusting. I am watching the boys while he is at work so I have 5 children ages 4 and under!!!
Now for the bad news, we took Teagan into the doctor for a check up and I asked him to look at her spine, she has a "V" above her butt crack. He called for x-rays of the spine and she has been diagnosed with spina bifida. We will be taking her to Johns-Hopkins as soon as we can get in for an appointment. I think it may take months to get her in, but I will keep you posted.
Jodean, your Samantha is adorable. I loved the picture.
Take care and God Bless,
Kelly

[ojodean]

Congratulations Kelly. Little Teagan is a very lucky little girl. Not to mention just how blessed you are. She is just beautiful and I am sure you are just thrilled to know that she is all yours now. We heard from our attorney yesterday and were told that all the paperwork has been filed and we are just waiting for the court date so we can be finalized. Samantha just had her 2nd birthday on the 23rd of June. I can hardly believe that 2 years has gone by so fast. The terrible two's have definetly taken over but we are taking it one day at a time.
It sounds like you have your hands very full at home with all those grandkids and now to have to worry about this problem too. I am sorry to hear that Teagan has been told that she has spina bifida. I know that it means an open spinal column and that Spina Bifida is one of the most common birth defects compatible with life. I will be praying for her. Please keep me informed on her recovery. Thank You again for your photo of her. She is adorable and thank you for your compliment on Samantha's photo. We think she is adorable also.
God Bless, Jodean

[bubby2six]

Hi JoDean and everyone,
Well, good and bad news to report.
Teagan was seen by the doctors at Johns-Hopkins and does NOT have spina bifida. Seems the x-ray doc here jumped the gun and misdiagnosed her. We went 2 months and a day thinking that she was facing surgery or that she could be paralyzed at any moment. Talk about feeling utter joy and anger at the same time!
She is now 7 months old and is waving hi and bye, is saying "hi" and "mama", she is sitting up alone, has 4 teeth , and is trying to get herself up to a crawling position. She rolls all over the place and has changed so much in such a short period of time. She is in the 90th percentile for height and 75-90th for weight. Most people who see her think she is over a year old. She is such a joy.
The bad news is that her bio parents are back together and doing drugs. My son had moved here after the b-mom abandoned their other three kids and he was doing well, he was off the drugs, was going to AA, had a good job, and was parenting his boys better than he ever had. I was watching the boys while he was at work and then some. I had the 4 y.o. in to see a counselor for his anger issues (he only went the one time) , all of them in to the doctor for their first appt in years, the 2 yo was not talking or able to follow simple commands, he couldn't point to any body part when asked, very very delayed. I set up an appt with the Easter Seals foundation here and we had another place to get him help lined up. Meanwhile, the mother was shooting crystal meth back in AZ (along with MANY other drugs), was living with 2 different men in a two month period, told the children she was coming out here at least 4 different times and never showed up. Well, my son decided to get back with her anyway and so she finally made it out here a few weeks ago. She is still doing drugs and is medically neglecting the boys. They have moved several times so CPS can't catch them. She is now making it known that she is Teagan's "mother" and that I am not. (Our adoption is final, so we don't have any legal issues). She is filling the grandsons heads with unbelieveable things and I have heard she is doing drugs in front of them. And now my son is right back where he was before moving out here. Doing drugs, lost his job, lost his apt. , etc.
I am worried that she will try and take Teagan. I don't know if I should seek out a restraining order or what. I don't have any idea where they are living now and she won't allow us to see the grandsons whom Teagan had bonded with and they with her. HELP! Does anyone know if I can get a restraining order without an address?
BTW, she has never laid eyes on Teagan, refusing to see her in the hospital. We did send pics on a regular basis and kept her informed on her milestones and medical condition.
We had planned on an open adoption but this is turning into a nightmare. If she weren't doing drugs I would have no problem in letting her see Teagan. What would you do?
Any suggestions?
Thanks,
Kelly

[bubby2six]

Jo Dean,
I forgot to ask , has your adoption of Samantha become final yet?
Kelly

[Volfe]

What an incredible story. I just read through it and I have to add that your daughter is gorgeous.

I don't recall needing an address to get a restraining order, just a credible story for the judge (my ex had a DV charge at the time). But I could be wrong, he didn't have a HOME address b/c he was in JAIL.

But I hate to say I would watch Teagan well, but i'm saying it. When people are heavy into drugs, especially methamphetamines their thinking process becomes decidedly warped. What might be totally rational to you, is irrational to them and vice versa. Often they are paranoid and delusional. I know all this, my ex got busted dealing the stuff. It's a shame they're into it. But only they can make the choice to get out of it.

I can't help but think that those children (the boys) need to get away from that! Is there no way to get cps to help them? Or are they too overworked? bleh

I'm glad teagan's check up came out OK and she's healthy and happy!

Take care!

Me

[mlbsands]

Kelly,

wow.. I am thrilled to hear that Teagan is doing well and does not have SB.. I also work at hopkins and was hoping that they would get you in soon.,. )

I would at least try to get a restraining order, at least you will have some kind of "trial" if needed..

Also.. if you ever need another local person to talk to just let me know I live in Anne Arundel County..

Please keep us updated..

Mandy

[bubby2six]

Mandy,
I sent you a private email before reading the message boards so forgive the questions that you have already answered.
Where at Hopkins do you work? My 18 yo will be up there on November 4th for an ear problem with Dr. Francis.
We are praying about what to do with this whole situation. We know Teagan is where she belongs and is very loved and adored by the entire family and that He put her here with us. I'm sure he will handle the rest.
Thanks again,
Kelly

[ojodean]

Hi Kelly

In answer to your question, Samantha just calls her birth mom(my stepdaughter) by her first name, Nikki. So far she is a bit young to understand any of it. I admit I am not sure how and when to start mentioning her adoption to her. If anyone else who reads this can give me any advice I would really appreciate it. Since we are a very close family of 7 children and 8 grandchildren (a combined family) and we all live within 10 miles of each other, Sam can hear anyone talking about her being adopted and I want to make sure she hears it in a loving way from us first. So any advice you could give me would be wonderful.
It is such a wonderful feeling knowing that the adoption is now final and she is ours. I am sure that you felt the same way when Teagans was final.
Again, I am so happy for you that Teagan is healthy and will not have to undergo any surgery. Give her a big hug from us.
Jodean

[Lynard1210]

Wow! You are quite a lady taking on another child, but I commend you. I too, am getting ready to adopt my stepdaughters baby girl who is in utero. If you can afford it, find an adoption attorney who specializes in adoption and has done a previous grandparent adoption. If you cannot afford it (like me), you can file the Adoption petition yourself. Unfortunately, I cannot give you an outcome because I have not taken this to completion. What I have been doing is reading the Local Rules of Court where the adoption will be filed (go to their website). Where I live in Ohio, the forms are on the website (such as parental consents, adoption petition, etc.) Since both parents are consenting, they will need to sign those consents (check and see if in your state it is required they sign in front of an attorney or social worker like in my state). In Ohio, a home study is required, but it is less expensive for relatives. You also have to wait 6 months for an infant before the adoption can be finalized. Hope this was helpful!! Good luck!