[ColoradoMom]

Hi there,

I am an adoptive mom of two beautiful children. I feel that we are so blessed to have developed a positive relationship with each of their (birth)grandparents. By the birthparents choice (in both cases) we actually are in more contact with the birthgranparents than with the birthparents.

OK here is my question. Our son is 19 months old, we call his birthgrandparents 'grandma and grandpa smith'. Our daughter is 2 months old, we call her grandparents 'grandma and grandpa doe'. What I am wondering, as the kiddos get older, how we should have them refer to their siblings' birthgrandparents. Is it ok for our son to call our daughter's birthgrandparents 'grandma and grandpa doe'? Or is there something more appropriate? Would this cause concern to any of you if you were grandma and grandpa doe? We want to be respectful of the vital role grandparents play, but not be misleading. Any advice?

[koon38]

I understand your dillema, but did you ever, or have you ever known someone who referred to someone who was not related to them as aunt so and so. I had an older woman who babysitted for me growing up, and everyone calledher grandma gert. Your dad's best friend may be uncle joe. It's not that uncommon to refer to someone who is a nurturer by a relatives title. So don't look at it as a big deal, as long as it is explained that your son's grandparents are not really your daughter's. That's just my opinion, hope it helps.

Rob

[wanttobeparents]

My first son has a semi-open adoption with his birthmother. She has chosen not to pick up any of the pictures or letters we have left for her at the agency at this time.

My second son's adoption is fully open with visits for the birthparents and we are meeting the birthgrandparents next week. They have asked to be my first son's "adopted" birthgrandparents as well since he has no contact with his own birthgrandparents. We plan to call them Grandma Jane and Grandpa John for now and let the children pick their own names when they are old enough. My parents are Poppy and Grandma, sometimes Mo Mo, my husband's parents are Ma Maw and Pa Paw.

My advise is to ask the birthgrandparents if they would mind being "adoptive" grandparents to the other child to assist in assuring both children that they are loved. I believe the birthfather had a hand in insisting that his parents treat my first son as a grandson, but his parents are very careful with my child's feelings. A child cannot have too many people that love him.

Good Luck.
Peggy

[glk]

I think you should ask the grandparents how they want your other child to refer to them. I hope they will be open to being "grandpa and grandma" to both children!

[lambeausam]

Because I am a single parent, my sons only have one set of grandparents, which they call Grandma and Grandpa. They share these grandparents with my niece and nephew. Since we share many holiday celebrations with my SIL's parents, my boys call them Grandma and Grandpa T, just as my niece and nephew call them.

[DebCsMom]

We have 2 Biological AND 3 adopted children. All the grandparents are referred to as Grandma & Grandpa. Our older bio children even call our adopted children's grandparents Grandma & Grandpa. We are all FAMILY. When we refer to a specific Grandma or Grandpa, we use their first names... "Grandma Pat, Grandpa Reggie, etc." It doesn't confuse them. You shouldn't really separate family in that way...mine & yours. You know what I mean?

Deb

[lillysmom]

My family and I are involved in my birthson's life. Granted he is not even 3 month's old yet, but My mother and father are his "Nanny" and "Papa" and my sister is his "Aunt Kelly" which is what my daughter whom I am paretning calls her. So you see, we are really just one big happy family!

Shawn
Birthmom to Jacob K. 2/2/04
Mom to Lilly 7/27/98

[HappyMomAnna]

When I was growing up both of my parents parents were divorced and remarried and one of my grandmothers had been remarried twice--I had grandparents running our my ears....

My fathers mother and second husband were Grandma and Grandpa Shannon (their last name)

My fathers father and his second wife were Grandpa and Bobbie...

My mothers mother was just Gram.

But her second husband who remarried was Grandpa Vikander and Grandma Shirly

My mothers Father and his second wife were Grandpa and Grandma Jeanie.

I never even knew who was who or how these grandparents were actually related until sometime in Jr High School--it didn't ever really matter because I loved having so many special grandparents and eventually came to understand how each one was related to me.....to top it all off my Grandmother was adopted and reunited so I had great grandparents all over the country--those I have not exactly figured out until last year I thougt my Grandfathers mother was my grandmothers mother and well------none of it ever really mattered to me!

I would ask the grandparents how they feel and what they would like---I assume your children also have the regular supply of grandparents.....