[SurprisedAMom]

Iwas talking to our social worker (required by the State of OH to make house calls for six months till the adoption is final.) she has some experience with relative adoptions. The success of a happy relationship for relatives is about 75%. In the cases of niece/cousin bmothers, it seemed to work out more often than not. She said it seems to be tougher between siblings, especially older sibling adopting younger siblings birth child. Alot of control issues come into play and always having to live up to the older siblings accomplishments/abilities.

Our social worker has been agreat rsource of information. She has helped us think of issues we might not have addressed, like being honest about who the bparents are. My sister asked that we not tell who the bparents are, BUT the social worker brought up the fact that what if by accident someone in the family informs the child. Then you could have trust issues between you and your child OR issues of feeling ashamed (mom is that why you didn't tell me, are you ashamed of it?)

[bromanchik]

There is a great book alled "Telling the truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child." by Jayne Schooler and Betsy Keifer. I recommend it highly. Not telling the child who his birthmother is can severly damage any trusting relationship you have with your son.

If your sister needs help with dealing with the relationship with her son, please have her contact me. Being a birthmother is a tough role...having support in that role from other birthparents is essential. Take a look at the website. There are a couple of pocket guides that might make it easier for her to understand her importance even if she is not parenting.....


--
Brenda Romanchik, Director
Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support
721 Hawthorne
Royal Oak, MI 48067
Phone/fax: 248-543-0997
Expectant parent/Birthparent Resource line: 877-879-0669
Website http://www.openadoptioninsight.org
brenr@openadoptioninsight.org