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Originally Posted By Janet

My son's ex-girlfriend is pregnant and due in September. He is incarcerated at this time but really wants to have this baby. I just found out from a very reliable source that she intends to put this baby up for adoption. She knows how I feel about this baby, since it is my first grandchild, even though my son and her broke up just a month ago by way of phone.

I have kept in contact with her all this time. She has 3 other kids, which her parents are raising or have already adopted. I don't feel like it is right for her to be able to give my first grandchild up for adoption. If she doesn’t want this child and instead wants to give it away to someone else to take care of, she might as well give it to me, because I would love to get guardianship of this child. That way I can take care of the child until my son gets out of prison in a little less than three years. I can even take it to visit him at the prison on family visitation days. When he gets out, we could then raise this child together. I think we could do a real good job of raising it.

I can't get my attorney to return my calls regarding this matter. I need HELP

Janet

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I think given the situation the best thing for the child is to be placed for adoption. I think the birthmother is making the right choice...remember it is HER choice! Do you really think it is a good thing to have to take a newborn to a prison to visit its father? You are thinking about yourselves way too much and not giving any thought to what the child deserves! Which is two stable parents that love each other and will love the child and raise him/her with some morals and values.

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Originally Posted By Holly

I hope that some of these answers help clarify a few things for you.

Legally, the only two people who have rights to the child are the biological parents. Either can make the choice to retain their parental rights or relinquish them (and I think even transfer them). You mentioned your son is in prison - this could complicate his abilities to retain parental rights but it may not. If he chooses to retain his parental rights (and if he can) then HE becomes the parent to the child. If the birthmother chooses to relinquish her rights (which has to be done for adoption to occur) then that is her privelage and her choice. If she chooses to retain her rights then the situation becomes similar to that of divorce involving custody, visitation rights, and child support.

All state laws differ regarding adoption and parental rights. The relinquishment laws will be different too. All of the above mentioned issues will be dependent on and affected by your state's laws on all the related issues.

Perhaps it would help you to think of the situation from a different perspective. It may help you to answer many of your own questions. For example, if you were pregnant and your ex-boyfriends mother wanted to take the child what would your reaction be? By putting yourself in as many different shoes as possible you will get a better understanding of the entire situation and everyone affected.

Best wishes to you and your family,
Holly

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Originally Posted By a birthgrandma

I fear your son will not be able to care for your grandchild as you are thinking of when he gets out of jail. He will find it difficult to find a job, being an excon, and adding the care of a child, could make it very hard for him to succeed getting back in stride.

Why not encourage the birthmom to consider an open adoption? That way the child will have a very secure home, and the birth family can be involved with the child throughout the years.

I am just thinking of the security and well being of the innocent child....

I am speaking from experience.. my daughter is giving up her child which is due in September also.. I am supporting her in her decision. She would be a wonderful mom, but knows that she is to young to attempt to raise the child herself on a minimum wage job while going to college.

I love this grandchild, it is a very hard decision for my daughter to make this decision..and very hard for me to not persuade her to let me raise the child... but I have to put my feelings aside.. and focus on what is best for the baby and my daughter..

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Originally Posted By Demetria

Hi Janet!! My cousin put his child up for adoption and once it was done we were told there was not a thing we could do!! My aunt baby's grandmother was told that she had no rights at all!!! Please stay on this and try hard to get something done before she puts this child up for adoption!!!! My heart goes out to you !!! Demetria

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Originally Posted By Julie

Why is your son in jail. would he be a good parent. Maybe you only want this child to save your own. You can't make someone be a father. Jail is no place for a child to bond with the parent. Think about your reason for wanting this child.