[KaraAgnarsdottir]

I am wondering, do any of you find yourselves so willing to love others so fully that someone has actually asked you to show it to them in moderation?

I am not obsessive but I may be over affectionate... I recently started dating an amazing man who told me on a date tonight that what he needs from me is to show him my affections moderately.

In the past it seems that holding back my emotions has permitted others to stray from me. And now I am faced with loving others too much? Has my adoption really affected me in such a way that I cannot judge the right amount to love someone? Or, is there such a thing?

I so much have wanted to love someone completely and have it returned to me... so desperately... however, I am not so lucky as to have it happen... I am sickened at the idea of moderation my emotions to him as I prefer him to know exactly how I feel... but he has specifically asked me to not show him... What should I do?

[bromanchik]

Maybe he's not the guy for you. Or maybe he's just uncomfortable with a lot of affection.

[JustPeachy]

I agree. It sounds more like a compatability issue to me.

[BethVA62]

that stinks Kara

Sounds like he may have some issues in receiving love. I can't imagine he outwardly shows it towards you much. My husband isn't so good at it either, and I get that some guys find it awkward, but it still stinks. I can't remember my husband asking me to moderate it, maybe when we are in public sure, but not all the time. He still likes it even if it makes him embarrassed when we are alone. He does get annoyed if I expect it back in the same ways.

I hope that you continue to express yourself honestly and openly with the ones you love. If they can't handle it, maybe you could talk with them about why they can't handle it.

I know tons of men that would love every second of it, and beg for more, even public displays of it!

[dumbfounded1]

This could be due to any number of issues...how old are you guys, how many long relationships have you both been in, how long had he been single when he met you, etc...? Humans can be complex when it comes to love at times, especially as we get older and bring "pre-existing conditions" (lol) that is to say, pre-existing relationship conditions/issues to our new relationships. Of course it's best if we can start anew giving our new mate the benefit of the doubt, but that isn't always so simple.

I would certainly take his recommendation into consideration, and perhaps read the book "The 5 Love Languages" as well...I do subscribe to the notion that different people feel loved in different ways, and this seemingly harsh request that he has made to you may actually be his way of suggesting, "I feel loved in other ways than the way you are showing me."

Good luck!

[catrobins76]

Does he ask you to moderate your feelings towards him all the time or just in public displays of affection? if its all the time - maybe he isn't the one for you. my husband is an introvert & he doesn't like to make-out in public. but hand holding & just a kiss on the lips or cheeck is fine. but he would never want me to hold back on my feelings or emotions toward him. maybe this isn't your issue, it's his!
good luck!

[mymotherssacrifice]

I get the overly loving feeling that may be connected to being adopted, for me I think I just feel such a strong need to be connected to someone because I never had that as a child that I do find myself giving a relationship my all.

On the other hand, I think adoption may be an explanation for your strong feelings, however, this guy may have is own set of issues that you don't need to try and own.

I have been married 5 years, struggle to love my husband after he burned my strong love for him over 3 years ago, and we have 3 wonderful children together. I will never regret my children and I'd do it all over a million times for them, but I would not do my husband over again just for him. He is only worth the struggle for the kids, on his own I'd move on. The advice I would give the single me of 6 years ago, if you don't love with the same passion and sincerity, if you don't cope with conflict in a similar way, and most importantly if you don't argue in compatable ways/resolve conflict the same, move on. Opposites attract, but I don't know if it is worth all the work. I feel a lot of emptiness in my marriage because my husband doesn't get me and is not a person that values connecting or being sincere. He tries, but mostly I feel I am asking him to do something that he is incapable of. Not trying to dump on you, but just hoping to share a story of what the long term could be. Find someone that mates for life and treats you like a princess and can't keep their hands off you and that you can talk forever with or just be together and enjoy each other's company. My hubby did a lot of false advertising in the beginning, someone wanting me to love moderately, or that was only offering to love moderately would have been a big red flag. Don't know you, but I think you deserve more. Good luck.