[itanewf]

Hi,

We adopted 2 boys out of foster care that had been adopted internationally... what a mess! Living on the streets in east Europe then abused in the us moved to foster and now to us (at last a good thing). The younger has LOW self esteem ad the older is abusive and controlling... This is want happened!
What happened is that older excludes the younder and steals from him, then makes the younger out to be bad to divert attention from himself... Typical Brother!
In this case he ailed himself with a group and in the end the only person NOT in the group was his brother -the younger.
All the younger wants is to be his Bro... All older wants is control over everything!

We have been fighting this same pattern for the past 5 years! last year it was so bad that we moved the younger (NOW THE SCAPE-GOAT AT SCHOOL) to another school... He did great and was making friends.. Then the school closed doe the economic times!
Well summer is almost over and they will be going to another school together (they are 11 and 12).... Is this kind of action and fighting for power normal... And I am being gentile in my description! The older... Brakes the younger's things, shames him, steals his stuff (and ours), teams u against him, is disrespectful, and extremely beguiling and attractive... He can twist the world around his finger!

[itanewf]

Originally Posted by itanewf

Hi,

We adopted 2 boys out of foster care that had been adopted internationally... what a mess! Living on the streets in east Europe then abused in the us moved to foster and now to us (at last a good thing). The younger has LOW self esteem ad the older is abusive and controlling... This is want happened!
What happened is that older excludes the younder and steals from him, then makes the younger out to be bad to divert attention from himself... Typical Brother!
In this case he ailed himself with a group and in the end the only person NOT in the group was his brother -the younger.
All the younger wants is to be his Bro... All older wants is control over everything!

We have been fighting this same pattern for the past 5 years! last year it was so bad that we moved the younger (NOW THE SCAPE-GOAT AT SCHOOL) to another school... He did great and was making friends.. Then the school closed doe the economic times!
Well summer is almost over and they will be going to another school together (they are 11 and 12).... Is this kind of action and fighting for power normal... And I am being gentile in my description! The older... Brakes the younger's things, shames him, steals his stuff (and ours), teams u against him, is disrespectful, and extremely beguiling and attractive... He can twist the world around his finger!

They also have a sister that is younger... She was adopted by another family- We tried but the system is so bad and underfunded that there was nothing we could do.... Stuid, Old and adilpated judge did not help!

[kretzklan]

Wow - they've had quite a life. My kids are from Russia and a lot of what you mention sounds very familiar to many kids from EE. My daughter and son are not bios - but there was a lot of this going on before we started working hard on their RAD. Has your son(s) been evaluated? With all the moves and turmoil - the older wants control of something and the thing he has found is his brother. It's a bad situation for the younger, obviously. Like I said, no great advice other than once we got in attachment therapy - the control issues have died down (they aren't over)!

[momraine]

Yep, I would say read up on attachment issues. I have a son who is like that with his adopted sibs who are older than him!

[itanewf]

Thanks... Both have been assessed with RAD and PTSD from everything. part of the problem is trust... they tend not to trust a theripist after all the moves and fights with the sisters adoptive parents! They were going to a great person but the trust ishue was a real problem for them. She was great for us and is still counted has a friend!
The younger now goes to a "Play" theripist and that has been fantastic... He is a friend that is older and likes to paly!

I hope that all is weel now with yours... ? Ours are from Poland... Then the US foster system and now us! Still having problems with passports and Polish citizenship. If they can maintain the EU citizenship they can get free education in the EU (or so I have been told?)

[momraine]

I do have one from Poland, but I don't know anything about education there. He has forgotten his Polish anyway, plus he is in a wheelchair and Europe is just not accessable.

[itanewf]

HI,

My daughter now 26 has special needs..., She now lives in assisted living and is having a blast She was the first fully included kid in the district.
The boys take Polish classes and are part of polish Scouts. they identify highly with Poland. I took the oldest to Warsaw with me to see his godmother and then travel in Poland and Austria.
I believe it is important to keep the heritage. I was lucky that I was giving a paper for work in Austria and was able to take him with me. We hope to go back to Poland next summer. With luck I will be able to get a teaching job in Poland for the summer and then we can spend some time there.

[itanewf]

We are in CA do you know any resources (people) that might be of use in this situation?

[Dickons]

itanewf,

Ravensong (it think that's right - I always call her Raven) may have some excellent suggestions, places to contact, specifally in CA. Search members and then send her a pm.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[itanewf]

Thanks.. Will do.