[talya]

im new to this too. im 23 and i have only had 1 real relationship. i have always been terrified to let people get too close. reading your posts, its crazy how much it reminds me of myself. im so scared to let people in that i just dont even try. i hate it

[Adoptedat5]

I am a 30 yr. old female, adopted at age 5 and have definitely had numerous problems with commitment!! I learned in my mid 20's that people who are adopted often have issues with abadonment. I found out when I was 16 years old that when I was removed from my home I was first moved to 3 different foster homes in one year before being adopted!! Imagine trying to explain to a child that that is not their fault! And that "no" you are not going to be their mommy/daddy. Interestingly enough I've heard that being adopted at any age including at birth has similiar effects. There is a book called Primal Wound. I didn't get it because at first I thought it wouldn't relate to me. Anyway, I've also had issues with anxiety and depression. I'd highly recommend counseling also. I can say something that really helped was a support group that used a work book "10 weeks to Self Esteem" written by Dr. Burn's. It address "Stinkin Thinkin." It teaches you how to think more positively. For some of us I think adoptees definitely included, we internalize, we are very self critical and therefore can be very negative. Ever since I went to this group I've gotten better at not saying "I'll NEVER be able to get married or have a serious relationship." Dr. Burn's book taught me to never say never! So there's hope. It's frustrating. But yes self reflection and exploration is the first step.

[shaylee]

Originally Posted by talya

im new to this too. im 23 and i have only had 1 real relationship. i have always been terrified to let people get too close. reading your posts, its crazy how much it reminds me of myself. im so scared to let people in that i just dont even try. i hate it

I feel like I'm in an extremely similar situation to you... I don't like "putting myself out there" or opening myself up to others, due to an intense fear of rejection I guess. For me, I think these issues I have with men definitely are are related to the fact that my birth father left my birth mother and myself, and even when I found my b.mother... he never put forth an effort to want to meet me or get to know me. I also think I have very similar issues with other females partially due to feelings of abandonment from my b.mother and partially due to an incident that happened in middle school. My entire group of "friends" for whatever reason had decided they no longer wanted to hang out with me and no longer considered me to be a friend. I think since then, I've had a difficult time really bonding and forming close relationships with females... A lot of the time I feel perfectly happy and content being by myself, but I do wonder if I've just managed to convince myself that I think I'm happy alone and that really I'm unhappy, lonely and just don't know how to go beyond these past experiences....