[macezzie]

Hi everyone, my name is Erica and was adopted in the UK from the age of 9 months. I have gone through the process of tracing my birth parents after discovering I had a sister with the same birth parents as me. Unfortunatley it didn't work out very well for me, even though we both wanted to have a relationship with each other, it was too difficult because niether of us had an understanding of the way the other one was feeling. Since I have gotten older (I am now 38) I have realised how much being adopted has affected every part of my life, from my feelings of being alone and only being able to rely on myself to how it has affected my relationships with other people, I have been divorced twice and have come to the conclusion that I will probably never have a long term relationship due to my inablility to give myself completely to one person for fear of being abandoned - I also find it has affected my relationship with my children.

I am interested in hearing other peoples opinions, I am currently a student at bedford college and I am conducting a research project on the psychological effects of adoption as part of my course. If you would be willing to share your experiences by answering a questionaire i would love to hear from you. If you would be willing to participate I will e-mail a copy of the questionaire. All personal details will be kept confidential.
looking forward to hearing from you. please e-mail me at ericamackay21@gmail.com

[sweetpea012607]

Erica,

My name is Hope and I was adopted in the U.S on the very day I was born. I was given permission to contact my biological family the day I turned 18, I did so, met with them on July 5th, and have been in contact with them ever since (via email and texts). I think when it comes to myself, I've have so many people dictate my life, how I should act, how I should dress, etc., that I have lost all sense of actually being me. I don't know how to find myself. Also when it comes to relationships I'm the exact opposite of you. When I first heard of my adoption I was afraid of being abandoned again, afraid of having to be alone. So I cling to anyone that I can trying to make friends, I don't want to be alone so I make myself be outgoing enough to meet male figures. In the past they haven't always been the best choices but the guy I'm with now has the same life values as I do.
Sometimes I just feel like no one understands me and that I can't get out of my hole.

[macezzie]

Hi hope

thanks for your reply. I am glad that you are in contact with your birth family. I hope this has helped you with how you feel. It can be lonely sometimes but it has helped me to realize that many people who have been adopted have similar views on how they feel, I completely get how you feel about relationships, i think maybe i initially feel the same as you, but i just can't seem to make them last, its almost a defense mechanism that i push them away before they can do the same to me. All the best and i hope you find inner peace and harmony we all seek

[scully1963]

I was also adopted at birth. I have a hard time trusting men, I have never found my birth father and I think that every man will leave me. My adopted father died when he was 55 and it just about did me in. I also agree that therapists do not understand adoption issues.

[JPDakota]

I, too, was adopted as an infant. In my 47 years I believe I can say that I have not suffered noticeable damaging effects related to adoption. I don't have trust issues or feelings of abandonment. I'm always curious if my upbringing was different than other adoptees or what, but I really don't have an adverse effects.

[Ninaburke]

Hello,

I to am doing some research on post adoption for a psych. class. I would love to help. I personally chose the topic because I feel it will help me with issues I deal with.
My situation is actually opposite of yours. I find my self OVER LOVING if that makes any sense. I love so hard and do not feel it's given back equally. I tell myself all I want is to be loved! Now I am desperately trying to get pregnant and I think the pressure I am putting myself and husband under is making it hard form me to get pregnant. Anyway's I could go on and on with all of my issues of anger, lonliness,abandonment,fear,displacement etc.
You can send the info you want filled out to all2moon1@aol.com
I would love to help. Maybe this will assist in the research I am doing as well.

[lucasmum]

Erica - I often come to this site and it is so good to take time out of the day to read various postings, and to know that my feelings on a whole variety of topics are shared by many people. I too found my birth parents (now married to each other) so I too have full siblings. I clicked on this thread as its title interested me, and read your message, and thought "yep I can relate to her"!!! I read through all the replies and then went back to your original message and saw your e-mail address and amazingly your name rings a bell, I think we may have gone to the same school located in Herts, but were just a year apart. I would be happy to participate in your research...if it is not too late. I will e-mail you my details.