[klinger39]

This has nothing to do with adoption, although I am adopted and have sought advice here before about dealing with my AM and AD. It's just that this is about the only forum I'm familiar with that has to do with anything other than cars!

OK, I'm a 40yo single guy. I haven't had a "girlfriend" for about a year now, so I'm "dating." What fun.

Anyway, I live next door to a 42yo single mom with two girls, ages 10 and 12. They moved in a few years ago. The mom and I aren't really "friends," but are friendly. A few minutes of small-talk when we happen to see each other in our front yards and neither of us is rushing off, and that's about it. For the record, I don't find the mom all that attractive, and even if I did, I wouldn't "date" my next door neighbor. It's kinda like dating co-workers, just not a good idea...

My schedule has me home during the days on some days, and I really feel sorry for her kids. She's gone for 9 hours to work every day, and now that school is out those girls are cooped up in the house, with the blinds drawn, the whole time.

I was chatting with another neighbor (married guy) who lives a few houses away yesterday and mentioned this. He said "Well, hate to tell you this buddy, but the reason she locks those girls up in the house all day while she's gone is because you live next door. She told me she thinks you're 'creepy' and is worried you might 'try something' with one of the girls. She and those kids know your schedule, and when you are at work the kids show their faces outside from time to time, but never when you're home."

I was flabbergasted! WOW! I have never said, done or looked at those girls in any way that could be even mildly construed at being remotely sexual. In fact, since they basically 'hide' from me, I hardly ever see them at all. I mean ferchristsakes, they're 10 and 12! There is nothing sexual about them, they're little kids!

What could possibly give? Is any single guy automatically a sexual predator nowadays???

[spitzlvr]

Hi Klinger. I feel your pain.

My dh is the main caregiver to my 2 kids during the day.

He loves playing at the park with them.

Want to see a playground clear out? Send dh - my ex-military dh shows up with the kids, and the looks he gets! It sucks.

I can't help you, but I do understand.

Although, looking at it from the other side, I always look closely at any adult near my child. Male or Female.

[txrnr]

Don't let the mom's hang up become about you, because it isn't. My bet is it wouldn't make any difference what single man was living next door. Who know what her past is like that has created this fear.

I do think that for some reason society has labeled married men, or family men as safe, and once a guy leaves his early 20's if he isn't attached, then we look at them differently. It's definitely not right. If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure there's a segment of society that envy's a 40 yr old guy who is still single, and would love to have your life!

[HappyTwinsMom]

I agree with the others that it most likely has nothing at all to do with you personally. As a mom of two daughters, I'm extremely cautious and observant of anyone who interacts with my children. Although mine aren't old enough to be home alone, if they were, I would be telling them to steer clear of anyone we didn't know really, really well.

Sad but true...our society is a scary place to be raising children these days and sometimes parents err on the side of being TOO cautious.

[autumnleaves]

That's got to feel really bad! But I'm also a mom and a grandma, and my daughter and I are even careful with her son (a boy). For sure, it isn't about you. We won't even let our guy hang out alone with older fun guys at community gatherings. Unfortunately, we know some horror stories that have us on guard. It's not because we think the guys are bad, we just don't know for sure and we can't take the chance.

[quantum]

It's definately a side affect of todays society!
Poor you!!!

I'm American but I have a Swedish husband and live in Sweden. I don't feel like people are as suspicious here of men with kids, especially since most men take months of paternity leave so you often see men with their kids at the playground and everywhere else. My husband even was an au pair when he was a teen!

It's a shame that so much nastiness in the world makes for so much suspicion.

[doug43223]

I am a 33 year old single dad of 2 little girls, and I do think it carries a stigma. Many parents will not let their kids stay over at my house with my kids, and I think the fact that there is no woman in the house. I cant blame them, I'm also a cop and watch pretty close with my daughters being around grown men with all of the monsters I have seen.

[Hipi]

Don't feel bad... it's not about you, this is her problem. I lived alone while I lived in a big city & couldn't walk down the street without being watched. It was like they thought I was casing the neighborhood, & I was just a 30 year old well dressed career woman taking a walk on a pretty day. Sheesh.