[b-side]

I'm 37. Infant adoptee, great, stable home, blah, blah...

I've gone from being incredibly rude and uncaring in my romantic relationships to smothering. Guess I over-compansated.

I've been aware of my shortcomings for quite a while. Been to therapy. Worked as hard as I could.

Just had another relationship fall apart for a lot of reasons. Chosing a partner with too many problems for one. But maybe not. I can't respect people's boundaries. I can't leave them alone. I'm tortured by anxiety. I'm overcome by fear.

Is this ever going to end?

[Toolate]

Hi,
I think I can understand some of what you're feeling. I also believe some of those feelings are connected. With a little self-understanding, shortcomings can become positive traits. Some adoptees live with vague boundaries when it comes to relationships, not to mention being able to understand and fulfill those of others. Many of us suffer from abandonment issues (myself included) and an inability to thrive in complex relationships. Perhaps the part of not being able to "leave them alone" is just a statement to the fact that you (we) don't want to be left alone. We hold on to what's dear to us because they've vanished before. It that's true for you, then I can understand the anxiety and fear that you are living with. You may have felt protected when you were "uncaring" and by letting someone into your life exposes all that is vulnerable. Understanding yourself and the people who love you may not prevent you from feeling pain, but it may help you to find peace. Best wishes!

[Ninaburke]

I feel like I'm reading something i've written myself. I wish I could say things get better.

[uTonyNashm]

I could have written this as well....I put my fiancee' through so much and I feel like such a waste and a scumbag....but I LOVE her so much...the only time I have ever felt it in my life.....

[Ninaburke]

Wow!!! My husband just told me I was to Klingy!!

[uTonyNashm]

thats us! hehe