[heartened]

I know I'm not the only one who has "Angry Adoption Days." These are the days when all things adoption-related seem evil and tainted. The days where every post you read from someone elsewhere on the adoptive plane seems to trigger a knee-jerk anger response.

I have moments (totally anger based) where I want to scream "No more adoptions, ever!" Totally unrealistic, I know. Without some huge changes in the very fundamental behaviors and beliefs of every single human being on this planet, there are always going to be children who need parents willing to love them, nurture them and raise them.

I have them occassionally.

I recently found the cure. I take a wander over to the Special Needs Adoption forum here on adoption.com

I read the post from these amazing moms and dads who have brought so many children with special needs into their hearts and their homes. It is a great reminder of how good adoption can be, how well it can work.

So what do you do to cope with your "angry adoption days"?

[Umbilical child]

I have angry days....don't really know how to cope.....I am having a sad day today....very sad, Bmum just told me, after knowing her for fifteen years (somethings just take time), of the morning I was taken away from her........to hear the full story in her words...devestating....I can't be angry about this aspect (yet), got to grieve about it first...By the way she told me last night, which happened to be the aniversary of that miserable morning........I can't even cry I am so sad......

[heartened]

Oh UC, I'm so sorry - sending huge hugs and lots of support your way. It's so hard to hear the truth of our stories. With what I'm learning from my sisters (and aunts, through my sisters) about what my mom was dealing with when she had me, I think there is a part of me that is relieved that I will not have to deal with my mom's pain head-on.

We're here if you need to talk, ok?

[usedtobe]

I decide that all the words & bile I want to purge on the side of truth & reality are best kept in my mouth, and swallowed - along with whatever shred of human-ness I thought I had, so I no longer have to fear being censored, edited, or left feeling like no matter what I say, do or think, it's simply not right or good enough.

In otherwords, I remember my rightful place in this world, as I am told by those who decide for me what I'm worth, and I go back to my place of origin. Black Nothingness. It's the safest place I have ever known, and it's where I feel most like myself.

[jaye41887]

For me its the little things that keep me sane on those or any day. I usually listen to music or call a friend that will make me laugh.

[ripples]

Hi UC,
I can imagine how hearing the story from your b-mom would feel so painful. Feel free to vent whatever you feel here. My heart goes out to you.

In the meantime, regarding Angry Adoption Days, I think it's helpful to find some way of expressing my anger in a way that's safe (i.e. don't take it out on others) yet honours how I feel. I have a burning urge to yell and scream but I also feel rather scared of letting my rage run loose. So currently I'm in the midst of seeking a counsellor who runs those scream-and-have-a-tantrum-type sessions so I can pour out my anger and tears in a safe place. Certainly feels a lot emotionally safer for me than going to the Aussie footy (Australian football) matches - plus, I get reimbursement from my health insurance whereas a footy match ticket doesn't.

The other alternative would be to have a sound-proof room full of roaring punk rock music so I could pump up the volume, stomp and yell to my heart's content.

Wouldn't it be great if there was an actual day on the calendar called International Angry Adoption Day! (I say this in theory, since I'm sure that riots would break out all over the place!).

[wilted rose]

DITTO, I'm with that!!!!!!!
Rose

[shef]

heartened,
I was wondering ...do you or anybody else, ever hve those days when you want to burn your adoption file, if you ahve one....and in doing so, the reason behind that is...that you, or should I say...I want to beleive taht if i get rid of it, then I can "un-do" my adoption and beleive taht..I was never adopted int he first place cos thre is no proof now, and I onlly have one family to deal with! stupid I know......but I almsot did it a few months go.....i was just so mad and tired of it all....

shefalie

[lilifelover]

If anyone comes up with a cure for the "bad/angry/sad/evil adoption days" for a birthmother I'd love to hear some...It seems it's been months in a row this time!

It's interesting to hear an adoptee's perspective though. I wonder if my daughter will have these feelings...well, I'm sure she will at some point or another. When she does I know it will be insights from people like you (and research into my own heart) that will be good to share with her.

Anyway, hope I didn't spoil the mood! By the way, the Special Needs Adoption forum does have some pretty neat stories in it, doesn't it? Good idea, but I think maybe some days are just going to be down days...for me at least.

[PaPAdoptee]

Hey guys!
I just finished reading the book "Adoption Healing" and it explains that anger is a healthy thing b/c it means we are living and feeling our emotions, and that it's very important to chanel the anger in a non-sedentary way. So our traditional way of hiding into our dark spot is harmful and toxic. It actually takes more PHYSICAL energy to stay angry and upset then it does to release it (safely). We can excercise the anger out, do some chores, draw it then throw it away, DO SOMETHING to turn the anger into something tangible. And it also helps to figure out WHY you're angry and write out and yell out loud "Im angry cause I'm tired of hearing ppl telling me to get over it" etc. This has helped me. After you're done crying, try to do something physical to dissipate the anger, see what happens