[lostandfound26]

This is to ironic I to was adopted and 1 of 5 and given up by birth mother being her last child she couldnt handle taking care of me... Funny we have almost the same thing going on I feel and do the same things you do....

[mosley]

I am also 1 out of the 5 to be relinquished. 5 has got be a bad number. Odd man out I guess.

Lesli

[Raina0831]

Has anyone been given up for adoption, only to find out that your bparents later adopted another child?

I had that experience. My bdad adopted his second wife's son. I wasn't angry or resentful about it, but when I found out, I remember having an odd, indescribable feeling toward the whole thing.

Raina

[rilo kiley]

Raina- my bdad adopted his wife's 2 girls. I know what you mean I think, I felt something hard to describe as well.

[Dykstra]

Talia,

Thank you for posting...I've been reading back messages and now have some books and info. to look up myself. Thanks to the rest of you who mentioned the books....

I'm so glad I stop in every once in a while. I find some great resources and an entire group of people I can relate too.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by heartbeat

I simply meant that my life - with holidays, vacations, those rare chats when everything just clicks, those inside jokes that only my family could laugh about - that life has changed in ways that I couldn't comprehend.

Suddenly it hit me with terrifying clarity - mom and dad are gone, who will take care of me?! Comfort me when I'm scared or hurting? Figuratively rock me in their arms, saying, "shh there there, it'll be alright." I kind of felt abandoned and lost.
[/font]

Heartbeat, I know your situation is different, but this is why I get so angry when I hear of people in their late 50's and 60's adopting infants. Do they not realize parenting goes beyond eighteen? The woman who just had a baby at 62 said:

"We are both extremely healthy and I have always looked and felt very young, but nevertheless we have younger friends with children who have agreed to act as surrogate parents should anything happen to us.

"What is important in parenting is not how old you are, but whether you are meeting all the child's needs and we are very confident about doing that."

You cannot meet a child's needs if you are dead. And no matter how good "surrogate parents" are they are not the child's parents.... and nothing can change that.You would think a child psychologist would be educated enough to know the odds of her continued health. Denial is a powerful thing.

OK, so I am ranting too. The bottom line is that I am sorry for your loss. Being orphaned at any age is difficult.

[drunqsqunq]

Hello Angel, I have to say, i feel ya on this one! I have had horrible issues dealing with my adoption my entire life (and still in the process) and then to make matters worse i found my sister (bmom didnt want to meet me) Sis and i get along great and things are fine, but I also found out bmom had sis (who is 16 months older than me) then she had me and gave me up, and then she had my brother (who is younger, like 12 or so). Dealing with being the middle child and being the one 'she didnt want' has been very tough. I personally dont have any recommendations on any books, although i am writing a paper for school on adoption and the effects on adoptees lives. Hey, mabye I will post it in the forum when i am finished! But there is alot of info out there for us adoptees try google-ing some stuff. Good luck, and just wanted to let you know someone else feels the way you do. And i am not too much older than you either, i am 28 as of Nov. 1. Need to talk let me know ok? I am here for you (and everyone else here too for that matter!!))
Karli

[radboro]

Hi
I haven't done any research into the way we should feel because I don't want to feel the way a book tells me to.You describe the way I feel and the way I treat others close to me.I have only just found the web site in an attempt to talk to people and begin a type of healing process to make me feel as though I am 'normal'

[sfgywgri]

I found out that my birthdad adopted a girl and named her after me!

[vivibonjour]

Thank you for your sharing. I have recently joined this forum and find it really helpfull. I indentify so much, what a blessing!!

I have been reading the Primal Wound and it helps me to have a better understanding of myself. I told myself for so long that adoption did not bother me and I believe it! Was I wrong or not ready to start the process of Healing!

Like you I have a lot of grief to catch on and I am ready to Come Home to Myself with the help of my therapist!.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Vivi

[vivibonjour]

I recently joined this forum and I like it. Thank you for your sharing. You gave me hope! Like you I have to learn to love and trust myself. With the help of my therapist and the group support I am in the process of becoming of Whole Person. I am coming back to myself, my true self! I see a difference in my life and the way I treat myself. I am responsible for my healing and I own to myself.

Vivi

[vivibonjour]

Thank you for sharing your story. I relate a lot with what you said. I was adopted and lost my adoptive father when I was 13 years old. I did not know at the time that It triggered my abandonment issues. It was a very difficult time of my life. My adoptive mother pass away in 2002.

I found out my bmother 12 years ago and she did not want anything to do with me. It has been very difficult for me since them especially on my birthday. This year I decided to deal with my adoption issue and went in therapy. I found out about the book " The Primal Wound" and have been reading since and also about this forum and it really helps to come in therme with my adoption. I also got " Coming Home to your self by Nancy Verrier. I just ordered two news books on line: Twenty Things Adopted Kids wish their Adoptive Parents knew and Twenty Life- Transforming choices Adoptees need to make by Sherrie Eldridge.

I don't like to give advice but rather share my experience. Like you I see the impact it has on me for being adopted and have a lot of feelings. I read somewhere to heal we need to feel and that is what I am doing. I own to myself. I want to be a whole person: I own to myself. So I can have the life that God has intend for me to have.

Hope I did help!

Vivi

[vivibonjour]

Originally Posted by annelizly

I drove to the hospital today because my Amom was taken there by ambulance. I didn't know if she was going to make it or not but as I drove I realized that if she died I would basically be an orphan (adad passed 11 years ago)

I realized that although this is a moment most people go through, I seemed to think that it was harder for me being an adoptee.

I have met my bdad and his family and they are nice and we keep in touch but because there was no shared history I never quite felt like a "real" part of their family.

My bmom wants nothing to do with meeting me.

I don't know how I am going to handle it when she passes because I don't feel that amoms family will really be all that interested in keeping in contact once amom is gone. It will be like losing all my family at once.
does this make sense to anyone?

Your story is like mine. I lost my afather many years ago. I found out my bmother but she did not want anything to do with me. I lost my my amother and felt like a orphelan. There was a big whole for a while and the grief was overwhelming. I think like you about being adoptee for us any lost are difficult to deal with. Like in the book "The Primal Wound" is mention that we have some abandonment issues and we suffer from trauma by being separate from our bmother. I believe in healing ourselves. I have not meet too many people in my life who had a perfect family! We all need to do some healing and for us it is a bit more deeper.

I feel that I am in the right path and by dealing and healing I will be a whole person. I see a difference all ready. I can be present with myself wich for me is a miracle. I used to be a human doing now I am becoming more a human being.

Hope that It help you,

Vivi

[Ninaburke]

I am 32 and was adopted at just a few days old as well. My adopted parents loved me the best they could. Like you, I was the only child given up for adoption and it does hurt. It hurst A LOT!!!
I have so many mixed feelings. In fact I find myself searching for love all the time. My freshman year of college I started having same sex relationships with women in search of a love from a women. I thinks this was because although my adopted mother was good to me, emotionally, she just was not there. My feelings have always been rejection, lonliness, abandoned and I also find myself OVER LOVING!! I give so much of myself and return dont feel it's returned. My husband is clueless as to what I feel since he came from a near perfect family. I wish I could help you. What are your feelings?

[lesliesue]

Originally Posted by annelizly

Now there is the rub! The honest truth is that after you reunite with bfamily you do feel as though you fit in somewhat. You are finally surrounded by people who look like you or have the same mannerisms and its great! But....you never quite fit in there fully either because you don't have shared history. I have found that although I am glad that I have reunited I have faced the fact that being adopted means that we will NEVER EVER have what everyone else has. The day we were given away was the day that it became irriversable.

Sorry if this disappoints some people but it makes sense if you think about it.

This comment does disappoint me but it is the truth and I wanted to hear something else.