[kerry lynn]

I have recently been struck with a realization that is about as intense as that electrical jolt Ben Franklin must have experienced when he discovered electricity.

The theories, descriptions and characteristics of RAD explain and define me so well. It's the Good News - Bad News I was looking for to help me CHANGE.

My situation fits the Ambiguous Category. My amom has always used her Love as a "treat". If I was good, and did as she liked, I was cuddled and treated well. If I did not please her, ("turning on her", and making her mad), she would give me The Silent Treatment. For DAYS! In order for her to talk to me again, I would have to basically grovel; endure a few more days of "proving" myself, and finally be put back into her Good Graces.

To date, I still have not heard, seen nor have I spoke to her since last August. She got mad & upset with me because I asked her an "uncomfortable" question. I have 4 children, all of whom she has cut-off, as well.

That's my foundation.

For the very first time, I now see how that has affected me. My friendships are tempermental, but they are genuine and long-term. I still have contact with my childhood friend, whom I met in pre-school!

Romantic relationships, however, have been exhaustingly difficult and painful. So painful, I feel parts of me buckling, and erroding. My reactions are far too irrational for most to begin to WANT to understand. I get SO crazed and intense when someone shows me the slightest bit of attention; I create over-zealous expectations in my mind; I rush the Process, and adjust my personality and behavior based on what I learn the man wants/needs. I jump through hoops and walk on fire to prove what a Great Girl I am. I impress the day-lights out of men... only for them to drop me, cold.

I do this even to guys I don't ever care for! In fact, I married one such guy!!!! Those are the WORST situations because I realize I'd been rejected by a guy I would otherwise NOT even "look at", or consider romantically interesting. If only I could NOT be so DESPERATE!

I would really appreciate if anyone could share his/her experiences. In addition to appropriate therapy, (I know RAD requires it's OWN approach...). Are there any suggestions that prove helpful in relieving "us" from the panic and feelings that ultimately destroy our chances of feeling - and being - loved by a romantic partner?

I need help.

[UK Trace]

HI I know this thread is a bit old now. I am also an adult with RAD. I am currently in Phychoanaylical therapy. Its a very slow reparenting that we or I need. My clinging and pushing away has lessened quite a bit now. Thats the way it works for me, a gradual decrease in the extremes of emotions we have. I'm afraid there isn't any magic cure only long hard work. But its worth it.

[kerry lynn]

How or what does this Reparenting offer? From what I understand, progress for the adult with RAD relies heavily on the support of friends & family. I'm so closed-off now, I have neither.