[Fekhten]

I'm wondering whether any other adoptees have experienced this: I've fallen deeply in love with a woman who's gay. And that's a big problem for me as I'm a heterosexual male. She's being patient with me as I - hopefully - work through these feelings and find a way to see our relationship as a purely platonic friendship.

The truly frustrating thing for me is that this is the second time this has happened in my life.

Anyone else with similar experiences?

-Fekhten

[echaos]

What makes you think that being adopted is playing any roll in this? Could it not be that she is a nice person who has traits that you like and has caused you to fall in love with her?

As an adoptee I often find myself frustrated by other adoptees who use their adoption as a crutch or excuse for various things that have gone wrong in their life or that they don't like.

Sometimes stuff just happens.

[Fekhten]

I never said that my adoption has anything to do with me falling in love with her. I asked whether any other adoptees have had a similar experience.

Regards.

-Fekhten.

[echaos]

True, I guess I was "reading between the lines" that if you were looking to see if other adoptees have had similar experiences that you were on some level associating with being adopted.

[Fekhten]

Thanks, Andy.

Please let me clarify something for everyone since the point has been raised anyway: I do NOT use my adoption as a crutch, explanation for, or lens for viewing each thing that happens in my life.

I DO use this forum to discuss various things in my life because I feel that other adoptees on this site will have a perspective different from that of my real-time friends. I seek opinions, thoughts, and experiences here because they are different from what I find elsewhere.

Best Regards.

[WildRoses]

Hi, Fekten. I wanted to give you some support. I have loved ppl who did not love me back, and got myself into all sorts of other hurtful situations, too.

In my case, my mother could not sign the papers for me right after I was born, so I was moved around some before I was finally adopted, and then was adopted by dysfunctional people. That's a lot of pain for an infant to endure. Maybe when you were tiny you felt a lot of suffering over losing your mother, too.

Not many people know it, but fifty percent of all women who give away their children in signed, sealed, closed adoptions, never conceive again. It is like something is seared shut, inside the woman's soul. She never becomes able to conceive again, because the pain was so great.

And this is what happens to adults like me. An infant is so very much less able to defend herself or himself against what could seem to be crushing pain of seperation. Something happens inside that infant's psyche. It affects different people in different ways, but maybe your adoption really does have something to do with why you have loved women who are not available to love you back.

I hope you're giving yourself lots of kindness and respect, in the hope that someday things will be better for you.