[loner1]

I am a 34 year old female adoptee with a 4 year old son. My past is full of ups and downs. My emotions are extreme. My partner refers to me as is perimeters are this wide for experiencing and displaying emotions say on a spectrum from 1-10 whereas mine gauge from -20 to 20. All of my life I've been an extremist, in the positive sense these attribute to great ambition, drive, strength etc but on the negative they turn to depression, anxiety, suicidal thinking and general put downs toward myself. I drive others away almost unconsciously. My partner has now had enough and cannot cope with anymore of my behaviour outbursts, which i don't really blame him, but this is really one I wanted to save. How can i control these extreme emotions i feel..........?

anyone, anyone

[Manisha]

You sound just like me and my life in whole. We should private chat, support one another, get more involved. We are typical.

Manisha

[fungirl]

We should start a support group. At least your extreme behavior has been positive. Mine has been destructive including with my partner(s).

[maggiemay1974]

Sounds like bipolar disorder,have you ever been to a doctor about this?I have it and there are great new medicines now that can help stabalize the mood swings,I never even thought of myself as having a disorder,just thought it was the way I was due to my life and other factors,etc..Anyway just saw your post and thought I would mention this.God bless you and hope things get better between you two.

Maggie

[Foxglove]

Gosh, you sound like me!

I denied there was anything wrong until recently and after 2 failed marriages. I sought professional help and after two years of therapy, I am doing so much better. It has not been easy. It requires a lot of facing ones own demons and slaying them. I still have hills to climb.

For me it was deep seeded rejection issues. I would sabotage my relationships so they would end. Feeling sure if I let them go on, I would be left and hurting. Sad part is, I hurt regardless. I believe this is how I subconciously delt with the deep down pain of being adopted. I felt this all my childhood and well into adulthood. I now know that my Bmom did the best possible for me and that her giving me up for adoption, was selfless. If I were to continue to sabotage relationships I am in, I would be in effect, hurting myself more, in the process.

Depression is not good. Have you seen anyone about this? I let my depression get so deep, that it effected my life and relationships profoundly. It can't hurt to get a professional opinion and very likely it will help a great deal.

Yes there is hope, Relationships are hard work and I can say from experience that when I was not right with myself I did not have all I needed to do the work to keep my relationships healthy. I have married someone who totally understands and who does not let me get away with pushing him away or setting up explosieves to shatter our relationship. Good luck!

Foxglove

[erinpatricia]

Hello! I can really relate to what you've all said...I have problems w/ depression and self destructive behavior since I was about 14...I'm now 26...I've been in therapy for about 10 years and have been on various meds...still haven't gotten a combo that works...I was diagnosed w/ Bipolar II about 3 years ago, but am not sure if I have that b/c my main problem is still depression...

I def have and continue to suffer from low self esteem, fear of abandonement, amoung other things...This have kinda been worse lately w/ the ups and downs of reunion...

My husband and I are currently in marriage counseling...we both have our prob...but sometimes I don't know why he puts up w/ my moods...My husband is the only real relationship I've ever had...we went to high school together...before him every guy I would date...I would sabatoge the relationship early on for no known reason...

I would love to further discuss these topics w/ ya'll...Glad to know once again that I'm not alone...so glad we have eachother!!!

~Erin

[Foxglove]

Hmmmmm! I have Bipolar II as well! I was diagnosed two years ago. More depression than mania is what gives one a Bipolar II diagnosis. So most likely the diagnosis you recieved is correct.

I have been taking meds for almost five years. First just to treat the depression and now of course to minimize the moods and the swings.... gearing for stablizing. I have been super for awhile and I am going to knock on wood here because I am loving this
Normal place...LOL! And I really want to stay here.

Anyone who has deepend mood swings, really should see a qualified specialist. This disorder often goes undetected for years ( As in my case, 35 years) Often because people only tend to seek help when the depression hits hard.

Being adopted, I believe gave me something to trace back to as the root of my dark moods. It definatly spawned the abandonment dragon amd once he grew to maturity....... Watch out!!!!!!!! He fed on my self confidence and value BIG time!

My hubby is concerned that searching and possible re-union might throw me off kilter again. I promised him I would watch the stress level and not stay up half the night on line anxiously awaiting answers to my posts. I am aware of the dangers, and I think if you can be too, you'll do just fine.

Good "talking" to you

Foxglove!