[BrandyHagz]

The message was sent at 11:30 this morning. If you have checked for it, and it isn’t there, let me know so I can send you an email.

Do you know how to check for Private Messages?

[dl]

*** That is the nature of life, Dlouis. We all know our own experiences intimately and can only guess at the experiences of others. That is why communication is so valuable. It allows learning and broadening one's perspective. It allows growth. ***

Is stating "I don't believe you" your way of communicating, learning and broadening one's perspective and allowing growth? As I stated, it is your choice to believe whatever you choose. I respectfully do ask that you please not make uninformed judgments about my life experience.

You asked me about my signature line. I explained that it is my choice of faith and acknowledged that everyone ~ and you would certainly be included in everyone ~ has personal choice in whether they have faith. Whether you attribute anything to a higher power is certainly your choice. You asked ~ I answered. This is not a forum for religious debate.

Again, you made a statement about my life experience even though you lack knowledge of my personal life experience. No, I do not feel my life would have been made any easier if I had been put in my amother's tummy to begin with. My life was not any more difficult than anyone elses and a lot better than many. In speaking to my biological younger half sister, who bioMother did keep, I know my life was easier than hers. She stated that she wished she had been placed for adoption. I did not suffer pain by being adopted, thus there is no pain to have saved me from. My aparents were joyful to be my parents. God did not cause my bmother any pain. She chose to have affairs and place more than one child for adoption. I don't judge her anymore than I judge anyone else but, these are the facts. Some things are part of a plan greater than us and some things are within our control and choice ~ IMO.

*** I so hope you aren't accusing me of being negative and complaining because I have beliefs, born of knowledge, that differ from yours.

I am not accusing you of anything. I have not stated that "I don't believe you". I have not questioned you as to why you are spending time on this forum, insinutating that you should not be here, as you have stated to me on several threads.

No, this is not a place where like minds nod their heads and say."yep, yep, yep" ~ whether it is someone being very negative about adoption or being very positive about adoption. Most do try, as Brandy mentioned, "to be respectful of other people’s feelings"

[saramurphy]

Hi Brandy, no I don't know how to find a private message on adoption.com. I'm brand-new to posting here and a cursory check to find any kind of private message didn't work (and I hate it when technology isn't obvious). Please email your message to me, or tell me how to locate a private message here. Thanks, Sara

[BrandyHagz]

Scroll up to the top of the page, and you well see a number of “tabs”. Click on the tab that says, “Home”. Once you have clicked that tab, you should see where it says, “Private Messages” just below your name. Click on the words, “Private Message” and it will take you to your inbox. Once you are there, you will see a message that says, “Important Message From The Moderator”.

If you have any further questions, feel free to let me know!

[feelinglost]

Annamia,
How are you ???? You haven't posted very much, have you been reading other threads and posts??? How are things going for you???? You know you can Pm or e-mail people if you want to. How are things going with your husband, this must be an awful lot of stress for you??? Let us know how your doing!!!!

[lookingfr fam]

thought I was alone in this!

I too am a people pleaser!

In talking to my pastor months ago in a discussion about humans ability to do good, he stated that in his opinion even those who do good are trully just self-serving! Blew me away at first (actually offended me as a people pleaser) then the more I thought about it I realized he was really hitting it on the nail(for me at least)

I realized in my own warrped(SP?) mind, my bending over backwards for people, being their sounding board, problem fixer etc...I was really trying to get them to
1)need me
2)like me

This isn't something done with thought or on purpose...it's just there and I realized it because I'm afraid to say no. If I say no...then what? what will they think of me then? Will they still need me/like me?

Am I still that 3 year old child trying to get my bmom's approval so she wont leave me? Am I trying to prove "Hey you, I am a good person see what you gave away" or Am I trully just a nice caring person who likes to make people feel better and do nice things for people? Huummmmm....I think all of the above

Thanks for letting me vent

Shannon

[annamia]

Hi it's annamia:

No I havent posted in a while, when I thought my life could not get any worse, my husbands ex-wife comes into the picture. but that is a whole nother story. Life goes on what keeps me going is my children I have two beautiful girls who without them my life would be meaningless.

Thank you for thinking about me and posting it's nice to know that there are people out there who still have caring for other people

annamia:

[essex bird]

Hello all

what a wonderful thread this has been for me today...I use to post on here quite a bit..but got an Email this morning telling me some one else had posted on this thread..I read it and it uplifted me...not to be alone

Shannon good points raised thank you...am I looking for the approval from my birthmum whom I have never met...that makes sense...

I too have just read the Beattie book "codenedent no more" it was a great read I tend to do a lot of writing myself now to explain my feelings and thoughts it helps...

To become free within is a true gift..nothing else can fill the hole a lot of use but that love that "WE" can only fill ourselves...I am very spritual now since I stopped drinking and that is my solution to life...it doesnt matter anymore about where I came from..I am here right now..on my journey...learning whatever lessons I need to learn...

Thank you everyone

Keep trudging

[buggersgrl]

Wow This is all very interesting.. I am not an adoptee however my husband is . I find myself getting frusterated that he doesnt stand up for himself and people use him like crazy. He constantly does things to make his friends happy,his bmom happy, and his a mom happy. HIs b mom is very manipulative and does a great job at placing all of her guilt about the adoption on him. ANd he will never say anything to her about stopping because"he doesnt want to hurt her feelings". This upsets me because she is hurting his and he will not let her know that this is not acceptable.He also has many other co dependency issues-alcohol and gambling. I am sure there are many things going on in his head but he does not like to open up about the adoption or his feelings because he had a wonderful life and made a decision to never look for his bmom,however she found him when he was 31 years old and I see what it is doing to him. I would love to tell her what she is doing to him ,because I do not think it is intentional, however it is not my place. I am very excited to say he has finally agreed to go to counseling and I think this is a great step to facing some of the issues .All I want to say is it is very important to live for yourselves. That does not make you selfish.

[air]

I have the same problem as everyone else on here. i am an adoptee who is 17 and in highschool(senior) and all my friends say i never stand up for my self, my one friend who knows im adopted says that i need to stand up for my self with my new friends becuase they use me way too much. the problem is i cant be mean! i have teh hardest time yelling at people or standing up for myself, i always have to be cracking jokes. and also to add on to the people who are alcoholics, i also feel as though i need alcohol adn need to go to partys, but i dont know why i need that, but it jus makes me feel so good for that few hours that it lasts, all my friends say im gonna be an alcoholic when i get older cause thats all i wanna do (lol). this is a great post, its really helped me see what i need to do, but who knows if i will!!!! i mean i cant do it alone!!!
-air

[jthwalker]

I was adopted in Kansas at the age of 21 on June 1, 2004. I am having lots of codependency problems, especially with my 15 and 11 year old little brothers of the family which adopted me. I always want to be around them, and constantly think of them and when I miss them, I try to do then what I think they would be doing at their house, 20 miles away at that same time. I don't know what to do to help my self out. It is almost like I am overly attached to them.

[shamsad]

nice one ...............spiritualism is so necessary so much of the time. All of our experiences are different and hence the emotional outcome must be expressed and heard! Difficult! Iwill write again but my story is so different to that, that I have heard and I long for understanding..................trust you are out there, write me x

[jthwalker]

Codependancy in this case is not good for me, because it is affecting my whole life and I am becoming non-independant

[jasonj]

I have been dependent on my girlfriend and she on me, now she is less so- and believes we have value differences. She, I think enabled me to be dependent because she liked the total love and attention and sometimes she needed it, now she sees her self as emotionally stronger and no longer requires it and I still want to give it and get it back in total-like the rest of the world can take a jump-but she does not and sees our relationship as possibly over(she has initiated a break after 6 years) I can see my destrutive behaviour in this but she sees in as a value difference-not a dependence issue!

Is this at all possible?

How can I get her back, while curing my issues on this, I am seeing a councillor.

[roberrt]

i am 40 now, and i am finally realizing what it meant to be given up at birth .... how it has affected my relationships, self esteem, life choices ....

thank God that i have my significance in him, and that he ha sshown me that it doesn't matter what someone else thinks of me ....

i have found a great group for codependency ... it is a 12 step group for Christians in recovery .... called "Celebrate Recovery" ...

celebraterecovery.org is the website, andf these groups are all over the united states ...
if anyone wants to correspond, please email me
robert
p.s. -- i am more excited about my life now than i ever have been ... that is HOPE