[SuddenlySusan]

I reunited with my son, R, in Jan 2007, through a profile he posted on this web site two years prior. He is 36 now, married with three beautiful children. My husband and I flew cross-country to meet them in August, and spent nearly a week getting to know them (we stayed at a B&B close by).

Two months later, in October, R flew out to see us, and to meet his brother, sister, nephew, cousin, g-aunt and g-uncle. It was great, and we are already planning our visits for next year.

Initially, R waited to tell his amom about our finding each other until we had a chance to establish a relationship. He did tell both his amom and asis (his amom's biodaughter) before he flew out to meet his bfamily. Unfortunately, R's adad passed away shortly after we made contact and did not know of our reunion.

Since R's trip out here last month, his amom, asis and I have been in email contact. They both have welcomed me warmly, and have been very kind and accepting. Amom told me that she had been looking for me for a very long time, and asis also stated that her mom had been searching for me ever since she could remember.

We are still in the beginning stages of getting to know each other, but things are working out well and we are planning a multi-family reunion for next year, so we can all get to know one another even better. Perhaps things are working out well for us because R is a grown man with a family of his own, and there are no "ownership" issues, for lack of a better word. In fact, amom's first email to me had for the subject line: "R's other Mom" and I was deeply touched by that. She told R about me when he was young, she shared all the info about me that she had, and she helped him search for me.

It feels really comfortable... like all of us are getting more family members. Amom came from a very small family, who are now deceased. My extended family is huge, and we're excited that it's getting even bigger.

I've been searching around the forums for stories of successful relationships between all members of the triad, where the adoptee is now an adult and where the adoption had been from the closed era. I really haven't found any, though.

Are we all blazing trails here? Charting unknown waters? Is there anybody out there who has experienced post-reunion bonding between both families from the closed era? Does anyone have some experiences to share?

I never thought love could get so big...

Peace,
Susan

[babyblock]

What a great story!! Congrats Susan! Big time. I also located my family. Unfortunatly my bio.mom is no longer alive, but I found my two brothers. Its an incredible feeling, isnt it? My records were closed as well, and I went through hell trying to get help through "the proper channels" till I decided to take the bull by the horns and get the answers myself. Its a long story. I just wanted to say MAZEL TOV!!! Your news is great!!

[SuddenlySusan]

Thanks, BabyBlock! Good to see you post again!

Shalom,
Susan

[Jackiejdajda]

Susan I know of some reunions that were beyond wonderful..

Does my heart good to read their stories..

Can't think of anything specific tho..
Except you.. and yours..

Congratulations..



Jackie

[SuddenlySusan]

Thanks, Jackie! If you come across any stories, let me know... I'd love to read them, too.

Love,
Susan

[quantum]

Hiya Susan,

Even though I complain a bit, I do think that my story has the potential to be very sucessful! My son is happy I found him, it's just distance and him studying right now that makes that hard. He loves the idea of having little sisters, I'm hoping that relationship grows! His amom doesn't know we've met BUT his adad and stepmom know and they are thrilled and have offered the use of their beachhouse next time we come to the USA, so there's some potential bonding I think!

I know my family will welcome my son with open arms, I'm just not ready to share him yet. I also need to work out some things with them (or at least myself) first!

I'm so happy for you though!!! Best wishes for continued sucess in your reunion.

[SuddenlySusan]

Thanks, Quantum!

It does take time to process everything, and I'm glad that R waited for awhile to bring in other family members. It gave me time to work through some of my issues... most importantly, the anger and guilt issues that quickly came to the surface in the beginning.

I am motivated to deal with my issues, so that I am able to live in the present ... which is where it seems that R and his afamily currently reside...

Feel free to invite me to the beach house next time you're stateside.

Peace,
Susan

[quantum]

My in-laws here have a beach house too, you're welcome to that next time you're in Sweden!
:-)

[kakuehl]

Hi Susan,

I think my reunion has gone incredibly well, although I have actually had little alone time with D. My first contact was through his parents. His info here was out of date, but I got enough to enable me to locate his adad. They gave him the info and let it up to him. We had our first f2f about 6 or 7 weeks after his first email to me. He came to my home (with his wife, stepson and baby girl) for a pre-thanksgiving dinner. After he finally got out of the car (he was hyperventilating), everything went very well. My other two children were there, so he met them and my daughter's son who was 2. D waited to tell his parents we'd met until after Christmas because he know his mom was not very comfortable with it. Since then D has invited us to birthday gathering at his place and we were there for Christmas last year. D got to meet his birth grandfather, and I got to meet D's sisters. His mom has gradually gotten more comfortable with me presence in his life. (Both of us have made it clear that I don't want to replace her - and that he wouldn't let her anyway!) D hasn't yet met my siblings, cousins, aunts & uncles, I hope that will happen some day.

So Susan, I know what you mean... Love is something that continues to expand!

[bk111206]

Hi, I’m Becky and this is my first official post. I’ve been a lurker for awhile, since I stumbled across my daughter searching for her “birth family” on an obscure search site one year ago yesterday. The help I’ve received from reading everyone else’s posts over the past year has been invaluable.

Bfather and I married after relinquishing K and went on to have three sons. When I found her, her search was over in an instant, she got the package deal. We broke a lot of reunion rules by jumping into things, but one year later, I think we’d all have to say it’s gone quite well.

We live in Texas and K and both of our very large extended families live in Ohio. Like Kathy, K and I have had very little alone time but we e-mail often and talk on the phone once a week. My husband actually met K first because he had already planned a Thanksgiving trip to Ohio. Two weeks after finding her, he went to her house for dinner and met K, her husband B, their 4 children, and her mom and dad.

Three weeks later I flew up and did the same thing. They welcomed me warmly and her parents brought along her baby book, photo albums and scrapbooks. The next day K and B and their children came to my Mom and Dad’s and met with some of my family, then went to my in-laws and met a lot of family.

In April, I flew back up with my youngest son, R. Upon entering K’s house her dad embraced him and said, “Nice to meet you R, I’m your step-adoptive dad, or something like that.” (Yes, he’s a hoot!) K and her family again came to visit our families.

In May, my husband flew up for a niece’s wedding. K, her children and her mom also attended. My husband went to a Memorial Day get together with K’s Mom’s family.

In July, we made our annual trek up for vacation. K got to meet her other two “brothers.” During our 2 week visit we attended her Mom’s family’s 4th of July BBQ, a smaller get together at K’s house where we met other important people in her life, we sat with K and her parents at her sons’ baseball games, had K, her family and parents over to my family’s annual get together where they met more of my siblings and their families, had her children overnight at my in-laws, went fishing, went to Cedar Point, and spent time just hanging out and getting to know each other.

Yes, we’ve had awkward moments and yes we all have some insecurities and anxieties (especially me) but we are committed to working on a relationship and are respectful and sensitive to each others’ position. We have acknowledged that each of has been an important, though unknown, part of the other’s lives and we all believe there is enough love to go around.

I just got back from spending K’s 34th birthday with her. We went out to eat – her family, her parents, and me. I also tagged along to her daughter’s swim meet and her cousin’s birthday party. They in turn, visited with our families again. At this point, I feel very comfortable with K, her husband and children. We were all amazed at how natural it felt, even at the beginning. I was also much more relaxed with her parents and her extended family this last trip. K also e-mails and talks on the phone with my husband and her brothers, and her children call their “Uncle R” several times a week. K and her family are planning a visit in June to attend R’s high school graduation.

I have made much progress working thru my birth mother issues this past year, but I still worry that our reunion could end at any time. I pinch myself as a reminder that I’m really living this dream come true, and make sure to enjoy every moment.

Sorry I got so long, once I got started, I didn’t know where to stop.

Becky

[SuddenlySusan]

I always enjoy hearing from you -- we share a lot in common in the reunion journey. I'm glad that D's mom is getting more comfortable with your presence in D's life. It will indeed be a great day when you are able to introduce D to the rest of your family! I hope that happens soon! Thanks for sharing, Kathy...

Peace,
Susan

[SuddenlySusan]

Wow! What a GREAT story! I'm sure many of us hope in our hearts that we will experience such a wonderful blending of families. And, it seems to me, that it really is all about sharing the love, and working hard to be sensitive to the needs of others.

Becky, if you have more to share, we'd love to hear it. I think we could all do with some positive reunion stories. Personally, I'd love to hear more from you, because you have traversed some little known territory with blending of extended families.

And, dealing with our own issues certainly helps pave the way for a smoother ride down the road. Establishing and maintaining a relationship is sometimes hard for both amoms and nmoms. Could you share a little about how you prepared yourself to do that, and insights you have gained during your journey?

Thanks again for sharing, Becky! And, best wishes as you continue your journey... hope to hear from you again.

Peace,
Susan

[Mil]

I found you, Susan! Thanks for asking me to post here. I love to read all the reunion stories, especially when everyone gets along.

My son found me 6 1/2 yrs. ago when he was 27. He was placed through an agency at birth. When he found me (he used a CI) I was shocked - I had never expected (or maybe was too scared to hope!) him to look for me. He was married with an 8 yr. old stepson and 2 yr. old twins. Both of us were in a hurry. He called me the first time, I called him 2 days later and then we emailed and sent pictures for a week. 10 days after our first phone conversation, we met f2f. But I had one request before we met. His adoptive parents didn't know he'd found me and I felt like we'd be going behind their backs if they didn't know anything when we met. His dad had been very supportive of him searching, but neither had mentioned the search to his mom, as she didn't like the idea. So at my request, he told them. His mom cried. And hugged him. It was hard for him as he thought she took it very badly. But the next morning they came over and she explained that she always knew this was coming but it took her by surprise. And she was scared. But anyhoo, my son and his wife and my husband and I all met. Two weeks later, my husband and I went to their town and stayed the weekend. I met my grandsons that weekend. But anyhow, my son drove down about a month later and spent the day with me and we just talked. I think the best thing I can recommend to someone starting out in reunion is to try to spend some time one on one with your son/daughter. After that time, we would have lunch (we each drove a little over an hour) about once a month just to talk for a few hours. Plus we held a running conversation through email. And about 4 months after we first met, we met his parents. It went fine, but a little formal feeling. His mom was very nice and we got along okay. I think she realized that I wasn't trying to take him back, lol, but in time the sticky point came when I started getting closer to my grandson. My son was their only child, so the twins were their ONLY grandchildren and she babysat them on a daily basis. That took about a year to iron itself out, but when it did, things started going much better. I knew things were going great when my husband & I and his adoptive parents took the twins out for dinner. All 6 of us, and it went well. It wasn't a planned thing, it just happened. And we've all been at the house for birthday parties and things like that. One year, his parents were going on vacation (remember, they babysit the twins) and I was going to have the boys at my house for that week. They called, asked if we could watch them and they brought them to our house on their way south! I'd say they've come a long way! Now that the boys are in school, his mom and I go to Grandparents Day together. We've gotten to know them very well and have a mutual respect for each other. I think 'Big Love' is a very good title for this thread. I feel like we're all one big family at this point. After all, we share a son! And grandsons! And I thank the Lord that they're willing to do this. I feel truly blessed to have these relationships in my life. My son is definitely my focal point in all of this, but my grandsons and his parents are an added blessing. I thank God every day the this has happened in my life.

I have to tell you what we did yesterday. My son and grandsons drove down yesterday (at my request) and we went to a photographer and had family pictures taken. I have one that has me and my husband, my three kids and my grandsons. Another one is of my three kids. It turned out great and is one that I'll always treasure. But after they left last night, I started wondering what his parents will think if they see the pictures. Will it bother them to see him in OUR family photos? I wasn't sure. So I emailed him this morning and asked what they'd think. He hasn't gotten back to me tonight, so I'll let you know what he says. I hope we've gotten far enough in this relationship, that they'll understand my desire to have these pictures.

It's interesting to read all the different stories. Sorry mine was so long, but like someone else said, once I got started, it just kept going.

Interesting thread, Susan.

[ssshhh]

Congratulations on all of your great reunions!
I hope that I can share the same.
It helps to know that there are adoption triads without a lot of issues. I have no idea where the reunion with my birth daughter will lead as we have just started contact after many years of not having any.
I went from excitement to pure panic today thinking that maybe we are meeting too quickly, so your reunion stories have put my mind at ease.

[SuddenlySusan]

Thanks, ssshhh! I hope your reunion with your daughter, her new baby and afamily goes well. It's important for us to share the positive outcomes of reunion, and I'm glad you found a bit of comfort in reading these stories. Hopefully, we'll add more stories... who knows... perhaps we may find your story here as well. Good luck, ssshhh!

Best wishes,
Susan