[scarlet52698]

How old was your child when reunion began?

What did you think of the timing? Any other thoughts to discuss?

[kune]

I think age, especially with sons anyway, is an important factor in reunions. Many times I have spoken to other birthmoms and we have discussed how hard it is to talk, on an emotional level, with young men who are between 18 and 30. Thirty seems to be the age of reckoning - perhaps when they are becoming fathers to their own children - or not living at home any more.
As somone who didn't search - and was found, I think it must take enormous courage to confront your need and then see it through.

Good question Scarlet - and to your question re other thoughts?? Is it easier to connect to your birthfamily if there are siblings involved?

Ann

[scarlet52698]

It was easier for me to connect with my birthfather through my sister. She and I formed an instant connection and have stayed close.

[JoEvans]

my youngest was 17 when we reunited last August.. and my oldest is 21, we are reuniting this summer.


um.. 30 on the males reuniting. Looks like there is a chance I will have to wait quite awhile on my reunion with my son.

[mamabee]

My daughter was 22....still way too young...obviously....

[Montraviatommyg]

My son was 23...

Pip

[b-mom2josh]

My son just turned 18 last week. I am really anxious to begin my search - but, part of me thinks it way too soon. I don't want him to think I am not interested in meeting him - that's what I have waited 18 years to do - I just don't want to intrude either.... I'm not sure what to do.....

Any advise?

Wendy

[kakuehl]

My son was almost 33 when I initiated contact through his adad. So far, it seems to have been a good time for us to begin our relationship. He is secure in who he is and his life with his wife and kids; I think for both of us it's kind of "the icing on the cake." He says that 10 or 15 years ago he would probably had a lot more questions for me. For now, we're just taking it slowing and enjoying it.

Kathy

[kune]

bmom2josh
Contacting him doesn't always imply that you want a relationship now. It is the first step, and you are giving him the opportunity to make a choice - ie. to make a connection now or in the future when he is ready. You will never know what he actually wants unless you give him the opportunity to choose. I'm sure you can relay to him your thoughts of "too early" and allow him to move at his pace, whether that be tomorrow or 10 years hence.

We do have the rest of our lives to make a strong, solid relationship. I suggest you make the first move and be led by his reaction.

Ann

[Patty-cake]

My daughter was 33. Even though it was a closed adoption I thought she would find me when she had her first child. After she was thirty I sorta gave up. How was I to know she'd wait so long to have a baby?

[dmca]

LOL pattycake
Cngratulations on being a grandmother.
dmca

[zxczxcasdasd]

I agree with kune. You are right that 18 is very young for a boy, and a successful reunion at that age is unlikely (though possible). But that doesn't mean that you can't just send him your contact info and let him know you are thinking of him and will wait patiently until he is ready to contact you. There are LOTS of people who can help you with that here!

[cyd]

My son was 29 when he found me - but he still seems to be quite immature. We are still taking it very slowly, but the reunion is going ok for the moment.

[mrsburt]

My birthdaughter was 18 when she found me. It has been a year and a half and it is going great. We are each other's best friend, the one we know that we can count on each other.
Expect the best and see what happens. That is what I did.
Changed my life completely.