[Leah1976]

I gave my son up in 1994, and originally we had all planned on an open adoption. We lost contact and I havent talked to them in about 8 years. My question is...I now want to find out how they are doing and re establish contact...but do you think that they don't want to hear from me, or that I would be intruding on their lives? I really dont want to be a nuisance I'm just curious and would like to see pics and things. Any advice would be appreciated.....

[tobeafamily]

This is difficult to answer without understanding more of the relationship at the time contact was lost and the reasons for losing contact.

IMHO most aparents who are in open adoptions that have contact lost involuntarily - i.e. bparents just stop contacting/responding or ask to cease contact - welcome the resumption of contact.

HTH,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[stacyone]

I'm an amom in an open adoption.

After a long absence like that, I would love to hear from my daughter's bparents, but that's just me.

I say go for it -- send them a short, friendly note asking how they are and updating them on what's new with you. Then ask them if they'd be interested in re-establishing correspondence. Start with letters, work your way to pictures, etc.

It's possible that their knee-jerk reaction will be fear -- aparents have kind of been conditioned by society to fear that the bparents will try to come take the child back, stalk them, etc -- I call it the Lifetime Movie Network Mentality. That's why I think it's important to keep the initial contact light-hearted. Do some research on reunions and see what they suggest... there are lots of threads here somewhere regarding that topic.

JMHO -- good luck!

[Leah1976]

The reason we lost contact was me, I was young, joined the military and I guess tried to distance myself from it. The adoptive parents have family that lives close to me, so I was considering contacting them first to see if they think it's a good idea that I get in touch. Thanks again!!

[Leah1976]

One other thing I was worried about was, my son is now 10, and I'm really scared that if I call, He'll answer the phone.....That really freaks me out.....Does that sound as scary to you guys as it does to me?

[Volfe]

I have an open adoption with my son who is now 12. Both families have moved a few times (me a lot) and I've lost touch over the years. Well I had. I reestablished contact recently b/c I have a problem with my new open adoption and I felt the best person to talk to was my son's mom (but she is an angel).

So I have called them out of the blue after 2 yrs.
I then wrote them a year after that. They wrote me 4 months later. I wrote them 8 months after that. (I'm really terrible at keeping in contact with anyone).

I just called them recently and talked to Mom and Son (well after I talked to her, he called to talk to his older sister).

It is really a great thing. I apologized every time for not calling/ writing more. She apologized for sending so few pics. Our lives our busy. We both understand that.

Call!

Maia

[michellemartin]

Maybe send a letter with an update on how things are going for you and include a few photos and how to contact you. Then I guess you wouldnt have to worry who awnsers the phone?

[Leah1976]

I just wanted to let you all know that I did get in touch with them, thru email, and they were awesome! They sent me a picture and have just been great!! Thank you everyone for your advice. You guys gave me courage to do it....
thanks again!
-Leah