[jazzdrummer]

So my little AM I ALONE thread has gotten some good looks. Thats cool

Im wondering does anyone want to take a chance at helping me get some perspective on my current struggle?

I would appreciate a PM for this...to make it more personal...

Basically Im overwhelmed with anger these days. Its consuming me unlike ever before.

Its hard to pinpoint but...

1. Im angry I havent had sex with my wife in about 4 months. And I dont want to have sex with her.
2. Im angry at some people who are in my profession
3. Im angry at God
4. Im angry at my daughter
5. Im angry at putting a dent in my car
6. Im angry I have a little tiny house and everyone I know has a bigger house
7. Im angry my a-mom and dad never really "parented" me or loved me.
8. Im confused that I have NO FEELINGS that my a-mom has cancer.....
I could go on.....I just seem angry about everything.

[radiodoll]

My experience with anger is this: anger is the single most identifiable feeling a person can grab onto when we are overwhelmed with MANY feelings at once. So that's what we say and usually the way we direct ourselves at first.

What I know know is that the emotion of anger is a "fear based" emotion, so when I am angry I have to stop and look at what I am afraid of in each distinct situation. All of my fears can usually be classified into these categories: A. I am afraid of losing somthing/someone I have. B. I am afraid of not getting something/someone that I want. C. I am afraid other people's opinons. D. I am afraid of my opinion of myself/I am not goood enough.

Then, those are things that I either have to change in myself, let go of because they are none of my business, or accept. Most importantly, I have to remember that I am a "human being" and not a "human doing" and I have to back off of myself and everyone else for awhile.

If I were a musician, I might try simply breathing, private time for lyric writing for awhile, telling God exactly what I was thinking. I have found that anything is a prayer. Even angry words to God. Praying is talking to God. Meditation is listening. Do it anyway you want, there are no rules. And I have also found out that God does not care about ability, God cares about avail-ablity. Try just being available to God for awhile and let everyone fend for themselves for a bit. If you're anything like me, I suspect that God will also take of them in the meantime.

It's gonna be okay. It's just not what wanted or expected. Hang in.

Radiodoll

[linusloveshisblankie]

Im angry at everyone for several different reasons!
Im angry that i had to take a paycut cause my boss is in over his head Im angry at the world cause im a GM employee Im angry at my friends cause they are all getting married and having babies and i have a kid (teen preg) but his father and i are still together we haven't gotten preg in 8 almost 9 years and he refuses to marry me or break up with me it doesn't make sense Im angry that even if i decided to leave him i dont have enough money to live on my own and i had to use public assistance when my son was first born so now im not eligible im angry that every day i wake up with a headache and they dr gave me pills that made my head hurt worse he told me deal with it or dont im angry pist off and sick of life....lol see you aren't the only one who is angry