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#1
08-21-2008, 08:11 AM
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Am I alone
Am I the only adlut adoptee who
1. Is directionless 2. Has always struggled with low-self image 3. Lacks confidence 4. Cant decide what to do with my life regarding career 5. Related to #4....when asked "What is your dream job?"....I cant come up with an answer 6. I SUCK at relationships because Im constantly giving other people power....every day, multiple time during the day 7. Marriage is TOUGH....Im a rollercoaster ride to live with....the best husband/dad one minute....a total jerk or absent emotionally the next 8. I dont sleep well....I wake up obsessing about things 9. Ive dealt with depression, anger, anxiety all my life 10. I dont know if God is there and when I think about God I get the same feeling as when I think about my supposed birthmother/father....I mean...I know I HAD a mother and father othewise I wouldnt exist.....but I have no concept of them...same with God....part of me realizes I have faith He exist..but I havent seen Him...... Ive read the "top" 4 books on adoption....they helped a little....but hearing from real people is better. Im thinking joining a support group would probably be helpful but there is none in my town and with a job, being a musician, having a wife and two teenagers...traveling to a support group is going to be hard. 
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#2
08-21-2008, 09:56 AM
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Wow
If I would not know better, I would have thought that I wrote this. You are not alone... I have very similar views and live a similar life. I am 37 years old and do not know what I should do with the rest of my life. I know that my wife and kids love me, but I also know that I am not easy to live with.
I wish I had some great advice to share with you, but I don't. All that I have is that you are not the only one going through this. RKnotts
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#3
08-21-2008, 11:13 AM
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I know so many non adoptees that feel the same way, so it might not be adoption related. I am an adoptee and at one time or other could have probably asked myself some of those things. It is all about self actualization. Finding yourself and your niche in the world.
EZ
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#4
08-21-2008, 01:41 PM
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Quote:
I dont mean to sound cynical but..I know lots of people....and I could say many non adoptees who would relate to 5 out of the 10 or 6 out of 10 but not 10 out of 10. When I hear "I could have written that" it resonates with me... Agian Im not saying..."its all because of adoption"...but from what Ive read and experienced it seems to be a unifying thread. Therefore my guess is that talking to others would give me insight... Im working on finding a support group locally.
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#5
08-22-2008, 09:54 AM
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I am not sure exactly what you are looking for, but when I am on this forum, I tend to think strictly as an adult adoptee. Therefore, to me, this is an adoption related. I grew up in a family where when my Aparents were finally able to get have a child of their own, I became an after thought. They did continue to provide for me with basic necessities, and I never ran away and never really struck out against them. However, I was treated different. I was treated as a second-class sibling and child. My sister was the one that got (and still does) all the attention. Am I hurt by this, yes.
Do I know who I am or what I want to do with my life? No. Do I feel that it is because I was adopted, yes. Why? Because I find it important to know where I came from before I can find out where I am going? That is my self-actualization. RKnotts
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#6
08-26-2008, 11:49 AM
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Me too
Someone else has already said this. "Looks like something I could have written."
I have been lurking in these forums for the last 3 years and this is the first post that has really peaked my interest. I was adopted at birth and didn't find out until I was 34. I'm 37 now. Even before I learned of my adoption I could have written that same list and still could to this day. I was able to locate and reunite with both of my birthparents, my siblings, and the extended family(s). Reuniting did answer a lot of questions for me but it brought a whole other batch of questions to fruition. In some respects it is more difficult to find direction for myself because there is so much more at play now than before. I can still relate to all of those statements/questions in your list with the exception of #7 due to the fact that I am not married. I guess that's directly related to #6. I have a degree in mechnaical engineering but still have no aspirations or clue as to what I want to do. I can't even think about it without completely disconnecting  . #8 and #9 a fairly prevailent and number #10, oh the questions...  I have also read many of the books on the subject of adoption. My last count was 17 books. They have helped but still like you say it's probably best to hear from and talk to other folks that have similar experiences. I've also been starting to look into support groups but I'm not so sure I'm ready to take that step. It will come in time. Don't have any answers or advise to offer but you aren't the only one that feels this way for sure. Rob
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#7
09-11-2008, 09:28 AM
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no
no you arnt alone ive had problems with this all my life. even before i found out i was adopted. i have talked to alot of people and have several friends that i grew up with that are adopted and it seems we all have these feelings they degree in all different levels. mine is extremely high. i had a daughter that died of cancer that from what the doctors say was passed through my family. so hear lately my stress has taken over every aspect of my life. my best advise is to stay strong and dive into the love of your family and faith in god and you will come through with flying colors
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#8
09-11-2008, 01:43 PM
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Quote:
Nope, not at all -- I think you just described me to a "T". The only difference is on #6. I can't share "power" I have to be in total absolute control of everything, even if it means running over people I love. Because if I have the Power nothing bad can happen, right??? Books are good, support groups are better, a knowledgable therapist is best. Good Luck and thanks for sharing. Greg.
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#9
10-21-2008, 11:22 AM
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OMG, other than you being male, your 'description' of your thoughts are mine totally!! Thank you for putting them in writing. Isn't this a terrible place to be and not really knowing who or what you are?
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#10
10-21-2008, 05:56 PM
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Yes, yes, yes to every single question.
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#11
10-21-2008, 08:01 PM
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im only 21 and i have the same problems you have only in a female perspective, you are definitely not alone, its tough to work through just take it a day at a time
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#12
10-23-2008, 06:23 PM
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As an adult adoptee, I share in many of your struggles. I wanted to specifically talk about #10. Thank you for giving words to what has been a lifelong struggle for me. I have faith and I do believe in God, but I have always struggled with having a relationship with him. I am either on fire or ice cold, and I have gotten irritated at myself for being like that. Now that you have compared this relationship to that of birthparents whom I have never seen, it makes so much sense now. Perhaps now that my relationship with God is put into perspective, I may be able to nurture it in a healthy way.
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#13
12-17-2008, 10:36 PM
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You hit the nail on the head
All the things that were on your list describe me. When it comes to self image issues it all come down to how you see your self. And when it comes to God he will always be there, I know that he has been for me. Just take it day by day and dont be affraid to talk to someone or ask for help.
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#14
03-08-2009, 12:08 PM
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WOw,
I havent been here since September 2008 and it was "encouraging" to see the responses to my thread. Im willing to discuss this more here or in private messages... I will say since my last post things are better and worse. My marriage is worse..havent had sex in 3 months. My search for God is getting a little better My job is a little better My music, drumming have had some great high points...
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#15
03-08-2009, 05:14 PM
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Wow, how did you know me so well!! Im not an adoptee, but a birthmother.
Adoption has the potential of "harming" all involved, not just the adoptee.
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