[RC3]

Exactly!!!

[jazzdrummer]

Original Poster here.

I have not been here since my birthday this summer.

The thread was depressing me and not helping.

Ive been in counseling since the summer.....I dont think its helping.

[longingtomeetyou]

hi jazz...im a fellow musician ..i play piano and sing though...
im a birthmom and you can read a bit about my situation at the bottom of my profile ....
i too have struggled like you with all those feelings...
and i am a birthmom
hows your reunion going?
i know for a fact that the process plays a big role in your healing...until i had a little tiny piece of info on daughter i was a mess....the healing started when i phoned the pastor of her church...but then the adoptive parents backed out of what they promised...picture etc....then i suffered again...
and so i say this with concern.....dig deep into God and read the bible and pray every day...and i dont mean just say a few words...but really plead with God about your case...and never give up !! this life has trials ..God never promised a bed of roses.....but...remember HE will see you through the tough times of your life...he knows all about you....and he cares more than you know....plug into the bible again...and stay there until you find healing...just one christian to another....hugs for you
now back to mommy role lol

[RC3]

Hey there. I was where you are not that long ago. It is something you have to overcome so to speak, but it can be done and you CAN be happy. I am a bmom, an adoptee (your age) and my husband and I took in a kid I knew a few years back. I guess that puts me on all 3sides of this "triad". ***Adoption sucks***

I've been alone, beat down, homeless, broke, depressed, drugged out and just plain insane. Walkin' on the dark side - you know...
The good news is that I am very happily married, have a killer job and a wonderful homelife. And I'm not full of **** either!
If you need someone to talk to, I may be able to help you see things in a different light.
I have reunited on my bmoms side and w/ my son. My mom passed away in 05, just a couple of years after we met) and my son hates me for giving him up. I deal and I overcome - that's it! No pills, no counselors, no friends really, no videos or books. I just decided to be happy! Even though some days are better than others and there are a million things to remind me, I know I"ll be okay. I have someone who loves me and someone that I love. So do you, although itt may not seem that way right now. You deserve to be happy too!

Definitley stay on the drums!!! Music will free your soul.

[sade]

dear jazz drummer, I have read every self help book you can imagine. Nothing helps. My birth day is in 3 days. I allways get depressed a week leading up to it. I am currently searching for a therapist with adoptee experience. I would suggest contacting your local CPS, and ask them if they could refer someone. That is what I plan to do today. We are all struggling with the same issues.

[JenOli]

Just a word of warning support groups can be detrimental depending upon where you are in your life and how you are feeling about your own adoption. i went to one and founding it enlightening but it led me to be depressed even further. Think carefully.

[Cassie85]

You're not alone, that's for sure. I can't say I relate entirely to all of the things you listed but I can say I relate to many of them. One of the most frustrating things for me has been that many people *expect* that your problems stem from being adopted. The few counselors I have seen are always VERY fascinated that I'm adopted and are eager to jump into the "And how do you feel about that?" scenario.

[a6tromblygoo]

No you are definately not alone. I have felt the same way. I am done with college, which took me 11 yrs, and now I feel like I made a huge mistake picking my career path. I have a history of picking poor partners and am struggling in my marriage, and non-adoptee spouses can't understand, but I appreciate that he tries. Sometimes I feel like I can't find balance in life, I'm always on the fence about everything. I noticed a few people mentioned support groups and have been frustrated because there are none in my town. Maybe it's time to start one