[curiositykitten]

How do you handle a situation where you have someone in your life that's unsupportive about your reunion?

My amom is okay with it, and unfortunately my husband is against it. He and I have had several discussions on this and he feels that 'the past is the past' and that it's bad to go 'digging up things'. He's afraid that I'll find something out that will hurt me more than help and that I should be happy with the life I have and 'move forward'.

I've already sent a letter to my biomom and she's emailed me back saying that she's open to me calling her. I was prepared to do it last night then we ended up in this discussion again, which lasted for hours, and I feel like either way I'm wrong.

I'm feel like I have to sneak around and it makes me feel guilty as though I'm doing something wrong.

Has anyone had any experiences with an unsupportive family member and does it get better?

[Jamen1]

If you feel as though a reunion with your a-mother is the best thing to do, then that is what you should do. Spouses are supposed to be supportive and maybe he really is looking out for you and your feelings, but this is your life. Often times 'moving forward' is impossible without looking to the past.

I wish you the best of luck!

[shadow riderer]

When I contacted my bio father, my husband wasn't thrilled. He never said much, but he's not much of a talker. In the beginning, I think he was mostly concerned that I would get hurt and that things wouldn't work out. He didn't want to see me disappointed. After my first conversation with my bio father, I became consumed with the whole thing, which is normal, but I think my husband was left not knnowing what to do, how to help, and a little insecure as to his role. I felt uneasy talking with him about it. I felt like he was intruding if he came in the room and I was on the phone with my Bdad. This was a private matter to me. I would even get mad if he came in while I was typing an email. Again, I felt like he was intruding. It was a crazy time, and my emotions were irrational and out of control. My husband was not being nosey, just concerned.

I'm sure he sensed the uneasiness. Mostly, it was hard for him to see me in such an emotional state and not know what to do about it. He wasn't unsupportive, but it was definitely an awkward time for us. It wasn't until after my first face to face with my dad and my husband had a chance to meet him that he became a little more comfortable with it.

I felt like you do. I felt like I had to sneak around to talk etc. I don't even know why, because my husband had not done anything to make me feel that way. I think I just wanted to keep it all to myself. My husband was, through no fault of his own, intruding on this very perssonal and private thing. It was something I needed to do for me, and had nothing to do with him.

It took time for all that to ease. I had not realized or considered how it effected him and our relationship. All of a sudden, he had a new father-in-law. All of a sudden, he was not the man who I focused on. All of a sudden, everything was different for me and he couldn't understand. It was difficult, but we survived. He was my biggest supportor, though at times, he had no idea of how to support me and got frustrated and angry about it all. My advice is don't forget to be a wife and friend. It's a very difficult time and you will both need each other to get through it no matter the results of your reunion. Be careful you don't forget him in the midst of your emotions. Talk to each other. He can't understand your need to know your biological history, but you can ask him to accept it. Time will ease the rest.

The good is that my husband, though I didn't always see it, was my rock in all of this. It made me love and appreciate him all the more, but at times it was really hard for both of us.

My bio dad didn't have it so good. To put it as nicely as possible, his wife hasn't exactly been supportive. She has made it almost impossible for my Bdad to have any kind of relationship with me. I put the responsibility on the both of them, but my reunion and relationship with bio father has all but been destroyed because of her and her insecurities.

Sad as that is, it is my bio father's choice to allow her to come between he and his daughter. I thought in the beginning that time would ease her insecurities, but they have only gotten worse with time. Still, it is my bdad's decision to build a relationship with his daughter or let his wife stop him.
So I guess, it can go either way. You need to do what is right for you. Keep in mind though, that reunion effects everyone, not just you and your bmom. I hope this helps, and good luck.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

I think this is something you can't let others decide for you.

Explain to your husband that you love him and need his support......that there are many people in the world that could do or say hurtful things to you and that you would need his shoulder to cry on/lean on.

In the event that you are hurt by this reunion, remind him that you will need him to feel empathy for you and that you don't want to feel like he is thinking "I told you so" in your moment of need.

Kim