[dragonfly1234]

Hi you all I am an adoptive mom and would love to hear honest but respectful answers to my question.

My son is three now and we no longer have an open adoption due to birthmom stepping back for very valid reasons. I want to express that I welcome her coming back into our lives when she is ready and her children are comfortable with the situation.

My son who is 3 understands that he is adopted.

My question is why adoptees referr to their moms as "amoms" when they have been their moms.

[kakuehl]

I can't answer for adoptees, but I refer to D's parents as his aparents for clarity when I'm here. Most times I simply refer to them as his parents. (Thereby confusing some people...) I never call them aparents when I'm talking to D -- they are his parents. (period!)

[belleinblue1978]

Clarification purposes usually. I only call mom and dad my adoptive parents on these forums.

I'm testy about that whole thing though, labels bite, so I call my first mom, just plain old mom too. That doesn't negate how important my amom is, but you know.... I do have two women in my life that are important.

[jrainbow]

I agree - I only use amom here. I only have one Mom - the mom that raised me. I also call my bmom Mom - sometimes but it is a title of respect and appreciation and acknowledgement that she is also a Mom.

Since I have been in reunion with bmom and my amom has passed away, I have also had to qualify to others who Mom is. When I talk about Mom, it is always my amom. But some people get confused because they think of the Mom who is still alive.

[kakuehl]

It does get confusing though, doesn't it? And in my case, awkward... I'll say something about D or his parents and then after getting the blank stares feel a need to explain.

[Sniffles]

I use it on these forums for clarification purposes only. They are my mom and dad always will be. If I ever refer to my b-mom IRL, I call her by her first name. It just seems easier to me, on a forum like this, to distinguish between the two.

[sal]

I have used aparents at this site for clarification purposes. When I'm talking about my aparents in my life I refer to them as my Mom and Dad. When I'm talking about my bmom... I refer to her as my bmom.. even though I call her Mom as well. I feel that BOTH my mothers deserve that title. Since my bfather is not in my life...there's no confusion there when I'm talking about my dad.... sal

[gemini678]

I agree with the above posters. I refer to my family as afamily here and mother as amother and so on and so on but they are my family and my mother is my mother. When trying to describe a certain situation here, it's easier to seperate the two with the 'a' and the 'b'. But again, it's only for posting purposes.

[Lynard1210]

Great question . . . I an adoptive mom and an adoptee and I wonder if someday my own daugther is going to refer to me as "grandma" instead of "mom" (because of the bio relationship we have). I just want to be mom - nothing else! My mom (I'm dropping the A so you understand she is my mom) does not like anyone stepping into the "mom limelight" including my birth mom. My birthmom is not my mom and I do not call her mom. However, she did give birth to me so that gives her the right to be called mom (I just don't call her mom). Is this confusing yet?

I never refer to my mom as A mom in public or in verbal discussions . . only on-line.

[ocracoke]

I only use amom and bmom in environments like this. Clarification only. If I referred to my bmom as Alice (like I do in real life) people here would be questioning who Alice is. However, I would say that in real life I refer to my amom as Jolene instead of mom -- and that would leave you all wondering who that is.

Samantha

[dragonfly1234]

I thank you all and yes I do understand that here we want to clarify who we are talking about. I do the same thing.

But I guess I just wanted to know in day to day they are mom. I know its a complexe question and there is no right answer. Just wanting opinions.

Thank you all!

[belleinblue1978]

Dragonfly,

I'm 29, if I want to call the woman who gave birth to me mom as well as my adoptive mom, that is my choice right? My amom knows I don't do it to slight her. Heck my first mom doesn't want contact with me.

My feelings for my mom aren't diminished b/c of a name. I have friends that call my mom mom... that doesnt' mean they love their mom any less. My mom and dad called their parents in law mom and dad... that doesn't mean they loved their parents any less.

Your kids know that you are their mom... you know you are their mom... Isn't that what is important?

[dragonfly1234]

good points belleinblue1978

Thank you!

[EZ2Luv]

I am also with the majority. The ONLY time I ever refer to my Momma as Amom is here or for clarity. IRL she is simply Momma, no ifs ands or buts about it and NO One in the wolrd could ever change that. I could never ever bring myself to call Bmom Momma or mother or any other word that would refer to her as the woman who raised me. The truth for me is Bmom is NOT my Momma, she may have given birth to me, but to me (and this how "I" feel) she could NEVER be my Mother. It's not that I don't love or care about her, but I love her like an aunt or close friend, not ever mother.

EZ

[disolveme]

I do it online for clarification.

My amother forced me to call her 'mum', within days of my adoption.I do mean forced, threatening me with violence until I complied. I'm sure this is unusal, thankfully. As an adult, I choose now to call her by her 'real' name, when I have to deal with her (which I choose no longer to do) My bmother for me has always been 'mum' mostly due to the aggressive behaviour of my amother.