[cherilynn68]

wow!
all the thoughts running through my head!

If you see my signature and compare it to my previous post in this thread, i'm no longer searching for my birth family!

I will be meeting my 3 birth sisters in June. They NEVER knew about me.

I talk to the middle sister, Julie, once a week - or more - on the phone. It's amazing to me that we both love to read (and have devoured many a good book) we like the same genres/authors and like to use big words (LOL)
we have the same sense of humor (but so do my brother and sister and i)

I wish there was a way to have the weekend video taped so I can go back and watch it and notice similar gestures (if any) etc...
I'm taking my sister along - she said someone needs to be clear headed enough to take pictures LOL

I'll get back to you on the DNA similarities after our reunion

[Renda]

Scarletmoon,

What I was trying to say was,

Yes I agree that DNA has a strong part of our makeup, looks, mannerisms etc as you describe.
But what I want to emphasise is the effect of nurture, and it has been proven to be very strong also effecting the way we think etc.

How can I have the same way with life that my a mother had?, that's purely from being with her almost all my life, my other sister says often "you are just like mum". All that can only be down to nurture.

We also can pick up other things from parents (a) as I now of a woman who has a very deep voice, that came about through a throat problem, her bio daughter who has been brought up with her has the same pitch of voice exactly and it is not due to genetics at all. That is just a small example of how we are effected when growing up with people.

Yes Dna has effects of course, but nuture and growing up with people can also have the same strong effect.



renda

[Dickons]

Renda,

How you were raised is important but dna is what makes us - us. I was very similar in nature to my dad so I spent time with him and learned incredible lessons on life but I have also found out that my mother also had very similar interests. Nurture vs Nature - no - just a wonderful coincidence.

DNA on the otherhand is not coincidence. So many adoptees have medical issues that are mis-diagnosed, or totally ignored because there is no medical history to confirm. I have no idea how many people told me I was "too young to have heart problems"; "too young to have had a heart attack and stroke"...and then to be told that I had a "rare disease" and that it ran in families so they believe it is genetic...DNA counts far more than nurture on who we are physically and if you don't have your health...

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by Renda

Scarletmoon,

What I was trying to say was,

Yes I agree that DNA has a strong part of our makeup, looks, mannerisms etc as you describe.
But what I want to emphasise is the effect of nurture, and it has been proven to be very strong also effecting the way we think etc.

How can I have the same way with life that my a mother had?, that's purely from being with her almost all my life, my other sister says often "you are just like mum". All that can only be down to nurture.

We also can pick up other things from parents (a) as I now of a woman who has a very deep voice, that came about through a throat problem, her bio daughter who has been brought up with her has the same pitch of voice exactly and it is not due to genetics at all. That is just a small example of how we are effected when growing up with people.

Yes Dna has effects of course, but nuture and growing up with people can also have the same strong effect.



renda

We can train voices, singers do it all the time. But if a singer uses a lower register for their voice too long it can ruin what nature gave them, and it can become permanent. Threre are lots of people that happens too. Yelling can lower the voice, booze, smoking, trauma.

Nurture is important. No one is saying it isn't. But it is shocking how much of us is automatic, built in, some things we don't control, some things about us can be forced to change.

I did not expect my birth son to be anything like me at all. I have to say I was even surprised how much he looked like his younger brother, and they have different fathers.

Yes, we do take on some mannerism of the people we live with and around. If you are born in Canada, but grow up in Mississippi, you will talk with a southern accent not a Canadian one. If you are raised drinking tea you may prefer it, or just drink it because everyone else does.

My mother drank and was mean when drunk. I don't drink alcohol and even when I tried it when I was young. wasn't ever mean, silly but not mean.

We are what we are. That is OKAY, adoptive parents know their children may be different then they are. Yes they may pick out things to say my daughter does this just like me or that just like her dad. Often adoptees make an effort to be more like the adoptive parents, it is human nature to please, to fit in.

When I met my son his mom, a wonderful woman, remarked how people said their smiles were similar. I said that was wonderful, but I thought, he has my smile exactly. But I would not for the world hurt her by saying so. But she did notice when she met my younger son that they looked alike, had pictures alike.

Oh, even had baby pictures in the same, almost exactly the same outfit. Did we just shop at the same store, or maybe just the same taste in baby clothes.

Anyway, YES nurture can be the changing point in any child's life. But sometimes, no matter how good a parent you are, the child bio or adopted, will do whatever the darn well please.

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by Dickons

Renda,

How you were raised is important but dna is what makes us - us. I was very similar in nature to my dad so I spent time with him and learned incredible lessons on life but I have also found out that my mother also had very similar interests. Nurture vs Nature - no - just a wonderful coincidence.

DNA on the otherhand is not coincidence. So many adoptees have medical issues that are mis-diagnosed, or totally ignored because there is no medical history to confirm. I have no idea how many people told me I was "too young to have heart problems"; "too young to have had a heart attack and stroke"...and then to be told that I had a "rare disease" and that it ran in families so they believe it is genetic...DNA counts far more than nurture on who we are physically and if you don't have your health...

Kind regards,
Dickons

This is the reason no adoption should be totally closed. Obviously children in danger need to be kept safe, but adoptive parents should always be able to access informaiton when and if they need it. No lawyers to get it, no courts, just fill out a form and the information is given. That way should those medical issues come up, or a child is having a hard time and needs to know, the information can be gotten for them.

[Dickons]

Hi ScarletMoon,

You are right there should be no closed adoptions, but yet you are only stating the 'child' should never be in danger and adoptive parents should be able to get the info...I was 43...not a child by any stretch of the imagination.

So many adopted babies from the 50/60/70's are now at the age when they need their info so the doctors can care for them completely - not just as a blank slate with only childhood illnesses to guide them.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by Dickons

Hi ScarletMoon,

You are right there should be no closed adoptions, but yet you are only stating the 'child' should never be in danger and adoptive parents should be able to get the info...I was 43...not a child by any stretch of the imagination.

So many adopted babies from the 50/60/70's are now at the age when they need their info so the doctors can care for them completely - not just as a blank slate with only childhood illnesses to guide them.

Kind regards,
Dickons

All adoptions should be open at the very least 18. Or never closed. They need to go back and open adoptions that they closed.

Today with some adoptions being out of foster care and the concern about the reasons in the first place those are the ones that need aparents to have all info, even if the birthparents cannot be given that info. If should be available easily for aparents and adoptees.

All voluntary adoptions should be open and never closed.

When they did the great blanket closing in the ? late 40s or the 50s I don't remember when they did it. But they closed all previous adoptions. When no one had ever expected such a thing. That should have never been done either.

I agree older adoptions are closed and it often says 21 is the age you cannot even look. Becasue that used to be the age of majority.

[guntli_1]

Howdy.
It's getting frustrating. I turned 26 in February, and married last year. However, somethings missing. I was takin by the San Mateo County Child Services in CA in 1984. Adopted thru a fost-adopt program I now live in Colorado. I'm trying to find my birth mom Cathy Hope Nickel. I was wondering if anyone can help. My wife is supportive on my decision to search for her. I want to get to know her. My research on this site has indicated that she's trying to find me. Her last known locale is in the Reno, NV area. Can anyone please help me out?

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by guntli_1

Howdy.
It's getting frustrating. I turned 26 in February, and married last year. However, somethings missing. I was takin by the San Mateo County Child Services in CA in 1984. Adopted thru a fost-adopt program I now live in Colorado. I'm trying to find my birth mom Cathy Hope Nickel. I was wondering if anyone can help. My wife is supportive on my decision to search for her. I want to get to know her. My research on this site has indicated that she's trying to find me. Her last known locale is in the Reno, NV area. Can anyone please help me out?

check out birth certs, marriage licenses, it is still legal to do so, google the name, look in the social security death index for her name,
and you can put a personals ad in the paper, use a po box to for safety