[InBlindFaith]

My 18 year birthdaughter is away at College in another State now. She knows I would love to meet her, but she is not ready right now. So I am trying to stay busy so I can patiently wait for her to be ready.

I have pictures of her up until she was six weeks old, I had copies made of them. I am starting to put together a scrapbook for her. I would like to give her this the day we meet. I want to include those pictures and I want to do this scrapbook so she will always know that I never stopped loving her or thinking of her.

If you were my daughter and I would be giving you this scrapbook what would you like to see in it?

Should I journal about what my thoughts are of her?

Should I include a "Family Tree"?

Should I include pictures of her half sister?

What would be special to you??? Any input from y'all would be greatly appreciated. I really do want to make this book special for her.

[Jan18]

I would love all of the above!! How awesome of you to put that together for your daughter. I would also include photos of grandparents and other family members. When I visited with my b-mom for the first time I wasn't at her house more than 15 minutes before we busted out her scrapbooks and started looking at family photos. I loved that I was finally able to see picture of people that I looked like.

I love the journaling idea too! What a special gift to put together for her!!

[rilo kiley]

InBlindFaith- YES YES YES!!!

Everything!!! I want all of it. All of it!!!

I think starting out with those photos of her you have and doing a section of photos just of you growing up and all- with a journaling section and then the photos of all the family- maybe with details about who they are and what year, etc.

I'm glad my bmom has sent me photos of herself- and my bdad too- Now I want to see photos of everyone, all the family I might look like. I think your scrapbook idea is the best thing possible.

I always had this fantasy that my bmom would've kept a journal around the time of her pregnancy with me and the relinquishment- and that one day I'd get to go back in time and meet who she was then- what she was going through and what her feelings were. I don't know if you have anything like that- probably would be dark to include in the scrapbook- but I would've loved if my bmom had kept something like that.

I'm so excited for you and your lucky daughter!

[rilo kiley]

please keep us posted about what you include! I would love to hear how it goes and what ideas you come up with- I wish my bmom had made a scrapbook for me! I want to hear about yours...

[InBlindFaith]

Well I am clueless when it comes to scrapbooking!!

The copies of the pictures are done and tonight when DH gets home I'm heading over to my friends house who is going to help me. I just want this to be so special for her I don't know what to include LOL!!

Everything I was thinking about journaling I want to keep light. I want the scrapbook to make her smile and feel good, to know she is loved by all of her parents.

I still have the letter her a-mom sent shortly after the adoption. Should I include a copy of that?

As I get each page done I'll let y'all know and if y'all can think of ANYTHING you have to let me know. I'm excited about doing this now!! Thanks y'all!!

[rilo kiley]

Yes- I think keeping the scrapbook light is a great idea- and something she can share with family and friends and her children one day...

The journal idea I've always had- I think that would be something to share with her later- I mean, even if you found a journal you like today and whenever you think about her or on holidays or when you feel anxious and call your girlfriends- you could write about that now- for yourself and possibly to share with her at a future date if it seems like something that she would welcome- I know I would...just a thought.

I'm glad you're getting started on the scrapbook!!! I think you should totally include the letter from her amom- I think she can include her adoption papers if she'd like after you give it to her. I used to take out my baby book where my adoption papers were and just stare at them as the only way to connect with my bmother. Give it all to her- I think she'll find peace knowing you are sharing all those memories and handing them over to her!

Good Luck! Get Creative and Stay Busy!

[Jan18]

I agree that it would be ok to include the letter. Maybe you could journal about how much you loved reading it...

I just love that you are doing this. If you lived closer, I would help you scrapbook. I have been scrapbooking for a while and need someone to use all the paper I have been compulsively buying!

[InBlindFaith]

I started the scrapbook with a poem I found on this site (under adoption peotry), it's called "For my Daughter"

2nd page is the picture of her in the hospital, last time I saw her and told her "I named you Ashley Corinn".

I still have a few more pages to put together with the baby pictures. I'll use the last picture where she is dressed up for placement day, I'm thinking about making it a Princess Page. Then I'll end that section with the letter from her A-Mom.

I still have my hospital bracelets from when I had her. Should I include them in the scrapbook? I am thinking about scanning them and printing them out on cardstock. One of the bracelets states that I am Rh negative.

Should the next section be her father and I? We were High School Sweethearts and were together 3 1/2 years. I have a bunch of pictures. If this will be the next section then I'll need to get busy scanning the pictures.

Jan18 - I live in Texas, in a suburb of a suburb of a suburb of North Dallas LOL!! If you were closer I would have to hook up...this scrapbooking is a little overwhelming since I've never done it before. LOL

Thanks y'all!! You certainly are helping to make this easier.

[rilo kiley]

It sounds perfect! So thoughtful and lovely. I think photos of you and her father in the next section would be incredible! She will be very interested in who you were to each other- it's so generous of you to put this together, what an amazing gift!
Good Luck

[heartbeat]

If it were me, I'd want anything relating to that time period - just before conception, when you found out you were pregnant, being faced with decisions, carrying me, giving birth, those 6 weeks - any and all of that that you feel comfortable with. I know I'm starving for that sort of thing. Little details like the foods that you craved. There will probably be some pain in there for both of you, but that's a given, I think. Personally, I'd rather have some painful parts in the book than neatly whitewash it and play the "Let's Pretend That Nothing Hurt" game. In the process some parts that belong would be eliminated, and the pain both of you have would be invalidated and denied.

Now this will probably sound childish and immature and petty, but I think there's a bit of that in all adoptees, maybe in everyone, period. The one thing I think - and I don't know this for sure - I wouldn't want to see is anything about any other siblings. Not that I wouldn't care or be interested. I'd just want a book for just me and you. Any siblings have had you for a lifetime, please don't make me share this one thing, too.

As an alternative, you could get one of those 4 x 5 inch photo albums for pics of her siblings. <shrugs> It might not bother other people in the least, but that's what the little girl in me would want.

Pictures of her dad - absolutely if you're comfortable with it. The bracelets? I'd attach the bracelets themselves. Stuff like that that doesn't quite fit is what makes scrapbooks fun.

It sounds wonderful. Keep in mind that it's likely to stir up emotions when she sees it and be prepared for pain as well as delight.

Warmly, heartbeat

[Jan18]

Heck yes...include the braclets! When I had my first f2f with my mom in March we (she and my sisters) were all sitting in the living room late at night watching tv. My mom slipped out of the room for a minute and returned. Standing over me she said, "Amy, I have something for you but you can cry". She opened her hands and had the braclet that I wore in the hospital. Plus a necklace that my dad gave her when they were dating. I cried and cried! It meant the world to me to know that she had been saving those items to give to me one day.

I am still waiting for the pictures of she and my dad!! I think I am going to have to pay her another visit to get them!!!

I agree about the siblings. Maybe give her a separate album with their pictures in it? My b-family all went camping together this weekend. I live 10 hours away, but hearing about all the fun they had together made me a bit jealous.

[randloar]

At my first meeting with my bmom, she gave me a photo album that had a bunch of pictures of her (and my bdad) before, during pregnancy (that was kinda crazy for me to see, I have to admit), and for the 3 weeks I was with her after I was born. My mom cried when she got to see these photos because she had never seen any photos of any of us kids (all 4 of us) before about 1 month, and up to 6 months for one brother. So what you are doing will be greatly appreciated!!!

On another note, I do have to admit, that the more recent photos since, and the siblings may be better separate (I can relate to having to deal with those images separately, although they are just as important but in a different context).

And one other thing she gave me that I still treasure is the wooden jewelry box that my bdad made for me when he found out they were pregnant, as well as the letter he wrote to her saying why he wasn't ready to be a dad.....they broke up at that point (and he died 5 years later), but she kept all of it in case we ever met so that I would know why...............its amazing how these little things (like the bracelets) do help to let us know that you were always there!!!

You are doing great, and all of the things you named are very special and I bet she will love it all!!

[sal]

The line... "that you were always there"... really struck a note with me... I have always wondered about where I was and what happened to me before I arrived at my afamily's home. Not having that information always gave me the feeling that something was missing... I've always been one that needs to know... and not knowing always bothered me I guess. I've been happily reunited now for 5 years and counting with my bmom, bsibs, and extended bfamily and can finally feel that I DO have all the specifics now... funny how a few details put my soul to rest. One thing that would have helped me when I was younger was to have my personality embraced... and nurtured... I was the "loud bull in the china shop" growing up with an amom who was a Southern Belle... needless to say we butted head ALOT. It would have been nice to have someone say... "your bmom really must have some spirit".. or something like that... Finding my bfamily I realized that I AM who I am supposed to be... which is a great thing to be finally able to feel. .. a few thoughts this morning... sal

[kahlea]

You sound like you're on the right track. Everything you mentioned sounds wonderful. Your daughter is a very lucky girl.

[InBlindFaith]

Okay, the baby section is done. It contains all of the pictures I was given before the placement, the letter from her mom, the hospial bracelets and I ended it with a letter I wrote for her...from the heart

Now for the second section. I pulled together pictures of her father and I that spans the 3 1/2 years we were together. I will get started on it tonight.

For the third section...
I found some of her birthfathers baby pictures and other pictures from his childhood. Should this be the third section?? Should I include the stories he told me that I can possibly remember??

Should the fourth section be my pictures and other pictures from my childhood? And stories from my childhood? Should I include about my stepfather adopting me when I was 11?

Then the fifth section will be the family tree.

It's funny, in the beginning of the book you can tell I'm new at scrapbooking. As you turn the pages you can tell I'm starting to really get into it!!

Thank you for all of your help with this!! I couldn't do this without y'all!!