[Greeneyedgirl]

Just so you know I am not the actual adoptee. We have been together for about 5 years. A few months ago I came across his bfamily. They are still together and have some other children. I knew that apart of him wanted to meet them and I didn't feel it was a secret I should keep especially because we live in the same town. When I told him he was so happy he wanted to meet them right away. Everything went well the first couple weeks he was with them everyday and they talked on the phone for hours all time catching up. As we got to know them we realized they both have a pretty heavy drinking problem and he learned that his bfather has a drug problem. They also seem to have a hard time telling the truth about things. There is also a sister in high school. She expects him to see her everyday and when he isn't there she is texting him. It is so bad she wakes him up in the middle of the night to talk to her every single night. Even when he says "I am getting off the phone I am having dinner" she will start texting. If he doesn't talk to her she gets mad and says some pretty hurtful things. He has expressed to me how he she hurts him but he feels bad for her having to live with her parents. The bmother won't tell her family about him and he is having a really hard time dealing with that. Especially when all of the other children are very close with her family. To make things worse a few weeks ago she asked to borrow a large some of money from us. He loaned it to her and of course we haven't seen a penny. It is so hard watching him do everything to try to make everyone happy and they don't seem to care about his feelings. He talks to me about how they hurt him so bad but he keeps going back. The bmother will even call him sometime to talk down about his bfather and even has said that his bfather talks bad about him. He is getting to a point where he sleeps all the time and I truly think he is going through some depression he has pretty much shut out his amother since all of this has begun. He has also begun drinking alot. I have offered to get him someone to talk to because he doesn't want to talk to anyone about everything. He tells me somethings but I know there is alot more. Does anyone have any advice this is very difficult.

[bselletti]

Lying and denying is never the way to go through life anyway. I found out by accident that I was adopted at the age of 40! I didn't take it very well.
I can relate to the bmom from hell, too...except she's not MY bmom, she's my hubby's. I was reunited with my bfamily back in 2001 after 47 years of being apart and it was wonderful (and continues to be).
Boyed with this experience we got into searching for my hubby's bfamily. Found out his bfather was already dead, but his bmom is alive and on second marriage. She freaked out when we contacted her. Told us NEVER to contact her again (and we haven't). However, we were able to contact my hubby's sibs (eventually). They were delighted and we've developed a nice relationship. They all think it's awful that she's taken such a stance. It really has hurt my hubby to be rejected again. But we both agree it's better knowing who you really are. We appreciate both our blood & adoptive kin...we are all family. No conditions.
Barb