[wilted rose]

Hi everyone, I am looking for input and support from adult adoptees who have had the opportunity to have their children finally meet their bio family. I have been in reunion for over a year, but with the challenge of distance added, it is only now that I have been able to arrange to have my children meet my family. I have many mixed emotions. My reunion has been very positive, I feel very excited but anxious as well. I would appreciate hearing from others who might have had this similar experience. We fly out this weekend.

Thanks
Wilted rose

[snuffie]

Hi Wilted Rose,
I am so excited and happy for your reunion.
One of my sons has met one of my bbrothers. He was excited and kept saying "I always knew that you (Meaning me) had another family out there, but had never really thought about it". He was in awe.

My son is grown up but even if your children are little, I think a lot depends on how info. is presented that helps children understand. If things are approached with a positive attitude and an explanation given in a version they can understand, I think it can be a wonderful experience for all!

Snuffie

[wilted rose]

Hi Snuffie, thankyou for your reply. We went two weekends ago, and it was wonderful! My sisters and Mother had a little welcoming party for my children who are sixteen and ten. This was a terrific icebreaker! My Mother cried when she first saw them, so did I. I'm sure she never thought she would ever see me again, let alone meet her grandchildren. It was all so surreal! I am so very proud how well adjusted the kids are. Perhaps they see how happy I am and that helped to set a positve tone for the experience. Having my children meet my side of the family has added a dimension of closure, as though I needed to do that. For me it has all been part of the settling in so to speak.

[snuffie]

How awesome wilted rose!!
How wonderful for everyone (especially YOU!!)

[wilted rose]

Dear snuffie from your display pic and all of your kind words you seem like such a gentle soul! Hope that your son meeting your brother was joyous!
Wilted rose

[snuffie]

Thank you Wilted Rose for YOUR kind words.

My son still talks about meeting my bbrother. And he has 7 more Aunts and Uncles to meet! Its an exciting time for us all. I was thinking about your bmom - how excited she must have been to see her grandchildren! How awesome for your children to know their grandmother!
The joy in your reunion comes through all of your posts. I am soo happy for you and your family!

Hugs
Snuffie

[sal]

I was reunited at the age of 48 and my daughters were 15 and 20. My oldest was away at college and was a bit detached from the whole thing...but my youngest was a huge emotional support in my search and reunion. Both girls have accepted my bfamily as a "family" of sorts... but it is a different connection for them than it is for me. It is wonderful for me that they choose to attend bfamily functions if their schedules allow... and they have begun to develop connections with a couple of my bsiblings.... It's funny that I never even considered the impact of reunion on the rest of my family when I first started out...... happy to say it has been a positive experience for us all.... sal

[wilted rose]

Thanks sal for replying. I too, like you never gave any thought to the impact for my children. Perhaps at the onset I wasn't able to forsee all the ramifications, guess that goes without saying. So glad to say as you, it has been as positive as I could imagine.
wilted rose

[wilted rose]

Snuffie as always you have a calming effect, Thankyou. Although I have had a successful reunion, as it were, it dosen't come without challenges. Lately, I have been hoping to connect with others that might be experiencing some of the same fears and concerns. Those well into their way of rebuilding so to speak. I wonder if I need to shift myself from adoptee support to another category? I just don't seem to see alot of new posts under reunion areas. Somehow I still feel like I would like support, but maybe these forums are intended for people just newly reunited? Any thoughts or advice? Thanks
Wilted rose

[snuffie]

There may be some more posts under "Reunion and Relationships, Relative strangers". But I have noticed that there really haven't been many posts anywhere lately about reunions.

If you would like to "chat" please private message me!

Hugs
Snuffie

[Jen30]

hi wiltedrose,
yes meeting bfamily is exciting an very overwelming! i have met a cousin an her husband the january before last an it was a great visit. we shared pictures an info.i'm to be meeting her mom my great aunt this summer an i'm nervous.every meeting is different.i have recieved tons of pictures an a few letters from my bfamily.

[wilted rose]

Hi Jen, I remember all the butterflies! I've been fortunate to visit my bfamily on a regular basis, but every time before a visit I still get nervous. Good Luck!!
Rose

[irisheyes33]

Rose, I giggled when I read your post...I get those silly butterflies too. I've been reunited for almost a year, and I've managed to see my birthmom 4 times even though we live 3000 miles away (we work hard at it...LOL!) I am about to take another trip to go see her and I am all worked up again! Sounds like you have been in reunion for a while...interesting that the butterfly thing still happens...I wonder if it ever goes away?

The thing about children intrigued me. My bmom had a lot of trepidation about meeting my son, who is 8. She never had any children other than me and admitted to being unsure of herself/uncomfortable around children. She was also concerned about the impact of the reunion on him...what if things didn't work out and he was left wondering if he was a reason for that? What if she smothered him with TOO MUCH attention? She was afraid also that seeing another image of me as a child (my son and I look and act very much alike) would be too much...all of these fears. They were more on her part than mine. Anyway, my son insisted on a phone conversation before their first F2F...and it went beautifully. She has seen him twice now, and last time they were really like two peas in a pod. And she asks about him all the time. It's amazing.

I think the trick with my son was openness and honesty. He figured out at a young age (5) that I looked nothing like my aparents and that puzzled him...so I coughed out the fact that I was adopted and what that meant, and he GOT it. He also knew I was searching, though of course I didn't share every gory detail. I told him he could always ask questions, and believe me, he did.

Anyway, I'm glad things worked out for you, Rose

[wilted rose]

Dear irisheyes, we worry so much about our children huh? The truth is they usually are so resilient. Perhaps how they perceive us handling a new and complex dynamic such as this, is a true indicator for success! Looks like you nailed it! So pleased for all of you.
Hugs
Rose

[eastendmommy]

Hi Wiltedrose, I'm coming at this from a different angle than you... I am a birthmother getting ready to embark on a reunion with the son I was forced to place for adoption 25 years ago. I have two other children, ages 10 and 11. They have known for a LONG time that they have an older half brother out there and the circumstances of the adoption (as much as they were able to process). Since I began my search, they have anxiously awaited the news of their brother. I just received the results of a DNA test that was performed on my son and me, and I am his mother to the the tune of 99.999%...!

Now the real fun begins, right?! I am nervous about my children meeting him...What if things don't work out like we hope? How will my children feel if all of a sudden, he pulls back - like happens so very often...

He has a daughter (WOW! I'm a Grandma!)... my children aren't much older than she is... I KNOW my children will want to have a relationship with her, as well... All of this is really tricky...finding the right balance. I think I might try and meet with him alone first, get a 'feel' for where his head is at, so to speak, before I bring my other childen into the fold...

I am so glad that things seem to be working out great with your reunion and that your Bmom is getting to know her grandchildren! That must be a dream come true for her!!! Good luck, lots of hugs, Tammi